Fifteen years ago today, Sybil and I got married. It was a bit of a rushed ceremony at the justice o' the peace in the southern city we were living. Rushed because Sybil was about 3 months pregnant. What a shocker! We were in grad school, no income, dated hot and heavy (I do mean heavy) for about 6 months. It took me a long time to grow into fatherhood. Suddenly being thrust into that role was disconcerting.
I guess we are beating the odds. I don't think many would have lasted that long with the world arrayed against us. I guess that is something to celebrate. Being married has been very difficult for both of us. Looking back, I regret not putting off sex and concentrating more on building a foundation. However, I don't think that would have done any good. Sybil never acting the way she does now. She never seemed so controlling, so easily angered. During that time, we never really had an argument. That should have been a red flag.
Although there many things about my marriage that make me unhappy, I appreciate the miracle. We have to learn to accept those around us as they are and not how we want them to be. It is very difficult. We find ourselves saying, "If only she did this or didn't do that..." It is human nature to want more, but it is also dangerous.
At the end of the day, I love Sybil. I won't lie and say there weren't times I wish we weren't married, but I do not believe I could picture myself with another.
We'll see about the next 15 years.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
7 comments:
Hey, congratulations, Aphron. 15 years is definitely worthy of celebration.
Your regrets are certainly understandable. Looking back, I am increasingly appreciative of the fact that Molly and I didn't have sex until we were married. Because, like you say, it tends to short-circuit the hard work of getting to know each other, in order to make a sober appraisal of whether or not you can actually make a life together. I've tried to put that across to my kids; I'm not sure if it's getting thru or not (well, in a couple cases, I can pretty clearly say that it didn't get thru, and the results speak for themselves).
But, as you say, here you are, at the Golde/Tevye stage of, 'Do You Love Me?' 'I suppose I do'. And it hasn't even taken you 25 years. . .
Congratulations, Aphron. 15 years is an accomplishment. Couples who have been married a long time are rapidly becoming an endangered species.
Is it possible that Sybil's change in behavior from the early days is the result of "the change of life"? I don't know how old she is, but for a lot of women menopause can make a person pretty "volatile" for a while. And it can start for some in their 30s...
desmond-
Parents always hope their kids don't make their mistakes. Our oldest is in the early stages of puberty. We'll see.
therese-
The change has been going for about 15 years. LOL! Nope. The only change she had was kids. I think that made her that way. Also, she has an uncanny ability to hide certain aspects of her personality, when around people other than family. I, once, spoke with one of her brothers, and he said she was this way her whole life.
Since she is only 37, I hope this isn't the change. Lord help, when she does go through it.
Congratulations on the 15 years. You really have accomplished something that so many today cannot.
Here's another congratulations from me. 15 years, that's great. You are five ahead of me.
I do hope, though, that the next couple of years sees some changes for the better in your relationship. How to foster those changes, I don't exactly know.
Happy (belated) Anniversary!
Congratulations on 15 years, happy anniversary!
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