Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Well...That Didn't Last Long

I was going to post this sooner, but time seems to keep slipping away.

On Friday, March 24th, the Hoovering came to an end.  Sybil had to release all of her pent up frustration, and that is usually directed at me.  We had a, literally, 8 (eight) hour fight over...drum roll not listening to her, when she gave her opinion about a minor detail at our office.  I was so exhausted from it she had to drive us home.

Yes, I did get into another JADE loop.  Sybil is adept at probing one's defenses, shifting the offensive.  She is adept at keeping me off balance and trying to ascertain my weaknesses.  I even went to bed in another room.  Of course, Sybil was not finished, so she turns on the light and tries to continue the conversation.  By this time it is nearly midnight.  Finally, I told her I was not going to continue the conversation, I was exhausted, and I had nothing else to say.  I can't even remember all of the details of what she said as she stormed off.  At least she turned the light back off as she left.

I learned something of both of us that I did not realize before coming out of the FOG: I can be broken down.  By refusing to have some sort of resolution (Sybil's resolution was not just an apology but an apology with a hug and other forms of contrite groveling).  Since it does no good to apologize, I have to make sure that I only apologize for actual harm.  Not just hypothetical harm or somehow huwting her feewings.  I am not responsible for how she feels.

Normally, Sybil expects me to bring the conversation back up to have a "resolution" (which we never really have).  I refuse.  The issue is so trivial (she FEELS like I was not listening to her) that I will not get into it.  So welcome to d├ętente.


At 3/29/2017 01:06:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, that does sound really awful -- and so tiresome and unnecessary. You do still have loads of work ahead of you in regards to boundary setting (not going to happen overnight), but the fact that she left the room and turned the lights off instead of continuing the harassment on into the wee hours might be a sign of....something? Perhaps at least a small acknowledgement of a boundary??? Ya gotta start somewhere....

I also find this article interesting...:


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