Monday, April 03, 2017

The Wheel Keeps on Turning

The argument in my last post continued until this past Friday.  I was set to go visit my parents (something I rarely do...another post).  Sybil, Daughter, and Son#3 (the toddler) were to come with me.  Due to the argument and not Sybil not getting her hug, she was not going.  When I asked her that morning, her reply was, "You haven't convinced me."  Since she wasn't going, Son#3 wasn't going (Daughter flaked because of school).  Sybil was not going to let me go with our toddler due to him needing two people, which makes some sense.

Sybil blackmailed me.  If I caved and "convinced her", then I will lose the battle and prolong her narcissistic fix.  If I stand firm and just go by myself, my parents will not see their grandchild and create more drama and prolong her narcissistic fix.  In the article The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse by Christine Hammond (thanks Anon), I saw this being played out in front of my eyes.  In the end, I caved (I didn't want to punish my parents).  I gave her the hug she was so desperately craving.  Thus, I was able to complete the cycle referenced in the article perfectly.

My goal is to peruse the other articles written by Hammond.  I'm hoping she can help with tricks and techniques in dealing with Sybil.  The forum on "Out of the FOG" has been helpful to a point.  At least I know I'm not alone nor crazy.  However, I suspect things are as good as they will get.  I will always be the "villain" in Sybil's world.  She'll always be the victim.  Sybil will always be on that cross, and I will be the centurion holding the spear.


At 4/08/2017 08:10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are living with a master manipulator, and one who has held sway for the better part of 23 years, so she's really honed her skills. At some point it really is important in boundary setting to start calling them on their challenges (especially if you sense a bluff) -- but you just have to selectively choose when best to employ this particular strategy, and pick your battles accordingly. I will say this. She argues that your son needs two people to manage him, and as the parent of a formerly active toddler boychild i fully understand. However what does she expect to happen if she were to break up the marriage as she has threatened to do...? Pretty much a guarantee of PLENTY of one-on-one single parenting (from both sides) happening under that scenario. Just goes to show what hypocrites they can be, talking from both sides of their mouths ( insert eye roll here)...

At 4/09/2017 06:39:00 PM, Blogger aphron said...

You've hit the nail on the head. She's a master manipulator. The frustrating thing is she is very intelligent and insightful, yet she doesn't grasp these basic concepts. She will throw divorce around, but she doesn't see that she will trading one set of issues for a whole other set.

The reason I struggled with calling her NPD was because I could not wrap my mind around the fact that a person I respect for intelligent and "3D thinking", cannot see these issues. I just thought she is emotional, I'm not caring enough, she's stressed out, etc. I guess like a lot of there abused people, we don't like to admit the person we love abuses us, because that holds up the mirror to our own shortcomings. That's a pretty hard pill to swallow.

At 4/11/2017 04:55:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Indeed, the sneaky Covert Narcs with high IQ's amongst us always baffle us with how pathetically low their *emotional* iintelligence can be, because while it feels as though the one should translate to the other, it clearly doesn't. .:


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