Any Response Will be Wrong

In this scene, Private Joker makes the statement that no matter what he says will be wrong and the Drill Instructor will abuse him more.

I have noticed this with Sybil.

First a quick update...not much to update.  After that tremendous blow up last week because I don't know her after over 26 years of marriage.  If I DID know her, I would know that she likes a slow wake up and not more sleep.  This just means I know NOTHING about her.

The thing about Sybil is she likes to keep the drama (hurt) going as long as possible.  She likes for us to work on our marriage (really that is a euphemism for "fixing" me).  What this means we have to communicate about everything.  It does not matter that when I do try to open dialogues of communication with her, she criticizes the techniques of opening the dialogue.  Naturally, this totally derails the conversation and makes me think, yet again, what a colossal waste of time this is.  No matter how I try, it will be wrong.  This will reinforce her resentment towards to me.  Then we are spiraling to nowhere.

I am the stupid one here.  I keep trying.  Sadly, Sybil has no desire for calmness and happiness.  She thrives on the conflict.  Watching her face light up and her gaze intensify is almost alarming.  What should only be greeted with sadness is really watching her get a charge off of the conflict.  I have seen this before: sports.  Watching someone get into the zone (psyched up) before a playing a sport is the closest thing I've seen.

Last thing as I document our situation.  Last night after trying to work on our marriage (by the way if one has to work on their marriage there is something terribly wrong) and failing to do it to Sybil's standards; she remarked that I do not "help her with her emotions".  She actually said that!  Then she added that she helps with my emotions and does not feel that I reciprocate.  Stupidly, I replied that I do not think I should manage someone's emotions; I do not think it is even possible to manage someone's emotions; and I asked for example of where she tried to manage my emotions.  Naturally, she was silent.  I can only assume she did not like me stating the obvious: one cannot manage someone else's emotions and she could not offer proof that she had tried to managed mine.  I could think of last week's blow up and how her seeing me visibly upset by her verbal abuse only led to her seeing an opening to "twist the knife" and become more abusive.

To work on our marriage is impossible.  Sybil demands that I change without any commiserate change from her.  How can I want to talk to someone that hurls insults and acts like a petulant child?  I cannot, but I still must.  The ol' obligation kicks in: my 5 year old son.  He is the only reason we are still together.  If not for him, I would have left years ago.