Another Weekend from Hell

Another big fight with Wife this weekend. Although I have accepted blame, responsibility, and apologized profusely, that is not enough. Wife employs her "scorched earth" brand of arguing. Although she may win the argument by using this policy, she may lose in the end. When she does something and apologizes, that is the end of it (in her mind), yet I am not given the same courtesy. Last night at ~midnight, I finally gave up trying to convince her of my sincerity and went to sleep. After being up for seventeen hours with a good portion spent arguing, I was too damned tired to fight. I'm tired of it. After giving many pounds of flesh, I'm not sure I have anything left to give.

Disney: Is it the AntiChrist?

Took the family to see Disney Incredibles on Ice. It was ok. This was the first ice show I had been to. I appreciate the skaters' abilities. The routines were great. It was definitely geared towards the kids, especially pre-middle school. The problem is this: the pressure put on the parents to buy crap at the event. There were dozens of kiosks set up hawking items, which were over priced and cheaply made. Naturally, the children were wanting some things. Wife asked to buy some snacks and a drink. We had just eaten, but I grumbled my ok. I was in a constant state of amazement at the amount of stuff for sale.

On the way home, Wife asked me how I liked it. I said the opening part was kind of stupid (a grown up was trying to act cool and overdoing it), otherwise I liked it. She tore into me telling me that I ruined the kids' experience, because I would not let them spend a lot of money on stuff. I couldn't believe she actually had the gall to say it. As it was, we spent over $50 on a drink, cotton candy, bucket of popcorn, and a "claw" toy. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.

The next day we continued our discussion, since I was too tired to really talk the night before. She was pissed about me not broaching the subject Sunday morning. She purposefully made us VERY late for church, just to prove a point. I asked her when did she started playing games. Wife wasn't playing a game; it was a tactic to prove her point. Yeah, right. I guess two wrongs DO make a right. Also, I explained that talking about an incident is not a quick talk with her. It lasts hours. Am I going to start a long conversation in the morning? No. I'll wait until we have time to hash it out.

I blame Disney. They managed to suck Wife into their consumerism frenzy. Also, can I take down the last post? I don't feel that way anymore.

And Now For Something Completely Different

It seems all of my posts are negative about Wife. After reading them, why should I stay married? Well, I love her. There, I said it. Although she has many traits that annoy and frustrate me, she has many admirable traits. She is kind to a fault, generous, hard working, and loving (in her way). She may tend to be control freakish, but I owe her a lot. Without her, I would not be in the socioeconomic status that I am.

So...I'm going to try to modify this blog. I don't want it to be just about my problems with Wife. When I first started this blog, I wanted to jot down my frustrations about marriage. While I may still have them, I know there is no better alternative for me. Digger goes down the laundry list of possibilities, as I have in my mind. None are palatable. I must live with choice I made to love Wife. I must take her, warts and all. And, after 13 years of being together, she still makes my breath catch in my lungs. I still lust after her. I come in contact with many people during the day at my office, but I still truly lust after Wife. It's almost scary.

This brings me to my point. I have deep seeded desires that she cannot/will not fulfill. I think certain aspects of my psyche must remain in the dark. Sex seems to be constantly on my mind. Not sex with strangers, but sex with Wife. There was a month last year, when she was insatiable. We were doing everything within reason (no midgets or third parties but good not clean fun). I miss that month. I miss her text messaging me to ask for sex. During that time she performed oral sex numerous times, I miss that. We are back to the drudgery of missionary position: quick satisfaction, yet leaves me wanting more, different, better. Is this dangerous? Am I perverted? Or are couples destined to attach themselves to people who have differing sexual proclivities? The blogs I read seem to support this. What a cruel twist of fate.

Taming the Shrew?

The saga continues with Lil' Bro. His pending divorce has my household in an uproar. Although I think he is being a total jerk, that is his and his wife's business. Wife, unfortunately, does not see it that way. She wants my parents to go in with a heavy hand and talk some sense into the boy. She cajoles me into calling him and emailing him. All for the sake of his two year old son. The problem is I agree with her. Divorce should be "weapon" of last resort. He chose not to do that. He chose to leave his wife and child.

The problem is my parents. They have spoken with Brother and let him know they against his decision. That is not good enough for Wife. She wants them to harangue him until he understands and changes his ways. The one thing that is constant in my family is stubbornness. Brother will not change his mind. If anything, it will strengthen his resolve. I know that, parents know that, Wife refuses to see that. So I am in the middle. I'm the one that gets to bear the brunt of her anger and frustration for a situation that will not affect us one iota. I have explained that to her. I have explained that my talking to Brother will not change his mind. Unfortunately, I am weak, when it comes to Wife. After two phone conversations and two emails, Brother writes back to say he will be spending Thanksgiving with other people. Great! A few days later I get an email from my parents saying I hurt Brother's feelings and to lay off.

The frustrating thing is Wife. She refuses to let it go. She chooses to continue to beat the dead horse. I tell her over and over, ad nauseum, that my parents will not intercede. They, rightfully to some degree, see Brother as an adult living his own life. I feel we should have spoken to Brother once or twice and then let him lie in the bed he made. Wife refuses to back down. I'm sure this will only add to the resentment she already feels towards Mother. The fundamental problem is mine and Wife's upbringing was very different. Parents did not confront Brother and I too much, whereas, her family would have loooong conversations about every single problem. Wife expects my family to suddenly go from closed and non-confrontational to suddenly open and confrontational. She refuses to see that the scorpion never changes.

I thought that moving far away from the family would insulate me. Wrong.

Taming the Shrew?

The saga continues with Lil' Bro. His pending divorce has my household in an uproar. Although I think he is being a total jerk, that is his and his wife's business. Wife, unfortunately, does not see it that way. She wants my parents to go in with a heavy hand and talk some sense into the boy. She cajoles me into calling him and emailing him. All for the sake of his two year old son. The problem is I agree with her. Divorce should be "weapon" of last resort. He chose not to do that. He chose to leave his wife and child.

The problem is my parents. They have spoken with Brother and let him know they against his decision. That is not good enough for Wife. She wants them to harangue him until he understands and changes his ways. The one thing that is constant in my family is stubbornness. Brother will not change his mind. If anything, it will strengthen his resolve. I know that, parents know that, Wife refuses to see that. So I am in the middle. I'm the one that gets to bear the brunt of her anger and frustration for a situation that will not affect us one iota. I have explained that to her. I have explained that my talking to Brother will not change his mind. Unfortunately, I am weak, when it comes to Wife. After two phone conversations and two emails, Brother writes back to say he will be spending Thanksgiving with other people. Great! A few days later I get an email from my parents saying I hurt Brother's feelings and to lay off.

The frustrating thing is Wife. She refuses to let it go. She chooses to continue to beat the dead horse. I tell her over and over, ad nauseum, that my parents will not intercede. They, rightfully to some degree, see Brother as an adult living his own life. I feel we should have spoken to Brother once or twice and then let him lie in the bed he made. Wife refuses to back down. I'm sure this will only add to the resentment she already feels towards Mother. The fundamental problem is mine and Wife's upbringing was very different. Parents did not confront Brother and I too much, whereas, her family would have loooong conversations about every single problem. Wife expects my family to suddenly go from closed and non-confrontational to suddenly open and confrontational. She refuses to see that the scorpion never changes.

I thought that moving far away from the family would insulate me. Wrong.