It seems all of my posts are negative about Wife. After reading them, why should I stay married? Well, I love her. There, I said it. Although she has many traits that annoy and frustrate me, she has many admirable traits. She is kind to a fault, generous, hard working, and loving (in her way). She may tend to be control freakish, but I owe her a lot. Without her, I would not be in the socioeconomic status that I am.
So...I'm going to try to modify this blog. I don't want it to be just about my problems with Wife. When I first started this blog, I wanted to jot down my frustrations about marriage. While I may still have them, I know there is no better alternative for me. Digger goes down the laundry list of possibilities, as I have in my mind. None are palatable. I must live with choice I made to love Wife. I must take her, warts and all. And, after 13 years of being together, she still makes my breath catch in my lungs. I still lust after her. I come in contact with many people during the day at my office, but I still truly lust after Wife. It's almost scary.
This brings me to my point. I have deep seeded desires that she cannot/will not fulfill. I think certain aspects of my psyche must remain in the dark. Sex seems to be constantly on my mind. Not sex with strangers, but sex with Wife. There was a month last year, when she was insatiable. We were doing everything within reason (no midgets or third parties but good not clean fun). I miss that month. I miss her text messaging me to ask for sex. During that time she performed oral sex numerous times, I miss that. We are back to the drudgery of missionary position: quick satisfaction, yet leaves me wanting more, different, better. Is this dangerous? Am I perverted? Or are couples destined to attach themselves to people who have differing sexual proclivities? The blogs I read seem to support this. What a cruel twist of fate.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
2 comments:
My take on this post is don't let anyone modify what you write here. I write all the bad crap at my blog too and sometimes feel the need to explain all the good things about J and why I am with him. I dwell on the negative in my blog because that is where I let the demons out.
Recently, a blogger I really like posted a rant about how you shouldn't be blogging about things over and over that are depressing and how you should change the situation.
I'm thinking who the fuck are you to dictate what is in someones journal of their lives?
Most people start blogs because they are hurting over something. It's not an attention thing so much as reaching out. THat is why so many are well...depressing.
What I am trying to say is... keep getting it out there. it's kinda like group therapy for those of us who read each others blogs.
Oh and my final Dr.Philish advice is have you sat your wife down, and like really gotten her attention and told her you love her and really want to be more sexual with her?
Don't think we just know these things. Groping us is not nearly as profound as hearing... I love you and you are so sexy that I just want to make love to you all the time. Remember that month when...
it might just work.
Trying to change course on a blog like yours (and mine) is a difficult thing. The best scenario is that your relationship changes course which will drive your blog into new space. I have used my blog to motivate me at different times. If I want to change my story (and that's what the blog is, your story) then I need to change the RL action. Easier said than done, but I do have an elevated sense of responsibility to my audience, being an entertainer and all.
D.
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