Sunday, November 13, 2005

Change

Can people change? Can a leopard change its spots? I'm not sure. Wife and I, as anyone reading this blog can see, seem to keep going over the same ground over and over. She stays irritated at me for comments I make (or don't make); I stay irritated at her for being irritated at me. We are definitely different in many ways. She is a very detailed analytical person. She thinks about nuance. I, on the other hand, am much more of a big picture person. I really have to work to be detailed. I tend to say the first thing that pops into my mind. Invariably, this lands me in hot water.

Since the last post, things have gotten better. Wife did forgive me. Of course, we had to have a long talk into the wee hours of the morning. Who has to get up before the sun to get kids ready, self ready, and kids to school? Me. C'est la vie. Then she wonders why I'm so tired. She has no clue what it is like to survive on a consistent six hours of sleep.

Anyway, I do not believe people can really change. Just last night she gets irritated at me because she asked me what I thought of the Christmas card holder we used last year in the office. This was 11:30 pm, and I had been up since 6:30 am. I was tired. I said the first thing that crossed my mind, "I don't remember." She took umbrage to that, because I didn't even think for a few seconds before answering. OK, fine, whatever. The next morning she wondered why I didn't try to "get into her pants." She doesn't even realize what she does. But, neither do I. I continue to make the same mistakes with her as she does me.

The best anyone can hope for is to adapt to the situation. I must adapt to her and petty tirades. She must adapt to me and my verbal diarrhea. I think I can, but can she?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've been told the best way to break yourself of somethng is to start tracking every time you do it, even if you just keep a counter. Eventually you start hating putting theat mark down on paper or adding to the counter, and you start making it a habit to avoid the behavior. The problem with this method is you actually have to consistently be conscience of when you are doing whatever it is you are doing, and have the self discipline to let the quantitative data stare you in the face, taking personal responsibility for changing yourself. I'm terrible at this. Self discipline is not one of my strong suits.

However it is incredibly difficult to change a behavior when the stimulus remains. You are stuck in a cycle and you are feeding each other. Hubs and I are stuck in a similar cycle. I can't fathom why he doesn't understand what he's doing or saying frustrates me, and he just wishes I'd stop bitching at him. I simply mean to vent my frustration TO him, but it ends up being more AT him. Telling yourself that people never really change, that you can't change, that your wife can't change is the first step to apathy. It may seem like a hopeless venture, but the truth is it is an obstacle, one that you may or may not overcome, but you will never know until you try, and keep trying relentlessly. Never give up. Never surrender. You stand to gain so much by keeping at it. You stand to lose much more by giving up.