Stress

Man, how stressed out Wife and I are! I've known about it for a long time, but it is starting to really create problems with intimacy. We find ourselves sniping at each other, easy to anger and generally no fun to be around.

Last night I managed to cause her to become quite angry (to the point of 30 solid minutes of her yelling at me). We about to move into a new building for the office. The stress created by the planning, construction, and then the decorating has been bubbling under the surface. Originally, my parents were invited to visit for Thanksgiving. Well, this is about the time we'll be moving into said new office. She was questioning whether or not to have her mother-in-law visit during this volatile time. I said, "Fine, I'll ask Mom not to come, since I know how much she stress you out." Wife went off. I had shifted all of the blame of the stress of guests onto her rather than seeing it as problem for both of us. During the drive home (with the kids in the back) she let me have it. She has a valid point. I apologized. However, she had to vent her frustration. It doesn't feel like venting; it feels like piling on. Anyway it wasn't good. I explained that I don't appreciate her yelling at me in front of the kids (not the first time she's done it). She came back with giving the kids realism as to marriage. No resolution there.

Stress does some amazing things physiologically, psychologically and emotionally. It frays the nerves. It becomes much easier to get angry. I cannot remember a time during our marriage where there was no stress. Neither outside nor inside. I'll be the first to admit that I am not fun to live with. I tend to be selfish (not mean spirited but literally thinking how a situation affects me first); I tend to be a poor communicator; I am very forgetful; the list goes on. However, I am the same, basic, person I was before I married Wife. Wife's biggest fault is lack of patience with me. She has a short fuse and will argue with a stump. She is stubborn to an extreme.

With these two flawed people, adding stress is like adding a match to tinder. A conflagration will occur. Wife does not want to think terms of stress creating problems. She feels that is a crutch, an excuse, for getting out of one's responsibility. While that may be true to an extent, stress does a lot of things, none good.

That is why it is important to have a chance to destress. It is important to find that activity that helps clear one's mind, at least for a short time. I hope Wife finds one.