Wednesday, November 02, 2005


The blogs I read all seem to have a running theme: intimacy. We are always searching for that connection with someone else. We want our spouses to be our most intimate partner. Some have a real challenge, while others don't. We go through spells where we feel very close to that special someone, and spells where we do not.

With Wife and me, we have our issues, like every couple. Thankfully, ours aren't so much in the bedroom. We enjoy sex for the sake of sex. Wife may actually want it to be a little quicker and rougher than me. I enjoy giving her multiple orgasms and trying to prolong things as long as possible. The trick is to find that middle ground. Sometimes that can be a real trick. Our issue tends to be our slightly differing views on sex. She tends to be more straightforward. I tend to want role playing and some variety. Our biggest difference is oral sex. She really has no qualms about performing it on me. But, she does have issues about having it performed. I think she is uneasy about that areas differing aromas. I have tried to convince her that in that regard she is perfect. She will allow cunninglingus on her, but she has to be in the mood. Wife does tend to see me as slightly kinky. I guess I am. Doesn't every man have fantasies about his wife in a Catholic school girl uniform with the skirt, socks, and plaid shirt? Is that just me?

Our problems with intimacy come outside of the bedroom. Any part time reader sees that we have our disagreements. She and I are very stubborn people. She can be especially passionate. That, at times, leads to breakdown in intimacy. We try to talk our way through it, and we usually succeed. It is very difficult. Being intimate was much easier while we were in the dating phase. We didn't have three kids, a business, a mortgage, etc. Life is very complicated and that stress spills over into our relationship. It can be very hard to keep it all in perspective. For us, we have started spending so much time shuttling children from activity to activity that there is so little time and energy for us. It has started to affect my libido.

We all are searching for and trying to maintain intimacy. It can be a real struggle. When we are left alone from that intimacy, we feel like an empty place is in our heart. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time.


Anonymous said...

I complain a lot about my husband not giving me oral often enough, but truthfully, I'm not that comfortable with it either. I'm not sure what it is. There seem to be very few men that are uncomfortable with receiving, so I'm not sure where the conflict comes in.
Have you ever told your wife how much you enjoy doing this for her? I'm quite sure if my husband ever so much as eluded to the idea that he didn't positively hate it and think of it as a chore, I'd be much more open and comfortable to the idea.

aphron said...

Oh she knows. It, sometimes, can be a point of conflict.

Anonymous said...

My wife knows I enjoy performing cuninglingus on her. While my tongue is busy on her vagina my fingers are pinching her nipples.I know that when she grabs hold of my head with both hands that I am doing it the right way. My friend's wife tells him to "Lick it before you stick it."