First of all, thank you for those that bothered to post about Desperate Housewives. There is hope out there. Wife's friends might be a wee bit on the shallow side?
Today's post is about dealing with chronic bitchiness. We all do it, to some degree. Men do it as well as women. Do women do it more than men? I don't know. Men tend to internalize their problems. Verbally expressing himself is not a man's strong suit. Women are much better verbalizing. I think that is why women, generally, do a better job arguing.
The reason I bring this up is Wife's preponderance towards bitchiness. I might be waaay off base. I might be in the wrong. I don't know. Lemme give you an example. Yesterday, I was to pick up the two older kids from an after school event. Although I am usually finished with work by 5:00, I may not actually be out of the office until after 5:30. Anyway, I got the kids no problem. We stopped at a local fast food joint for greaseball food. Wife calls me for a status report. I tell her our status; I ask how things are going with her (youngest child was at a birthday party). Fine she says. Then she lets me have for not calling her and letting her know, if I had picked up the kids. I had some lame excuse, because it never really crossed my mind. I'm the type that if I delegate something, I tend to mentally cross it off my list.
Fast forward a couple of hours. I knew that she was irritated with me for not informing her of our status. Since she had not come home yet, I had the two older kids help pick up the house. I figured I might score some brownie points by her coming home to a neat house. No dice. She comes home and wants to continue our discussion about why I failed to call her about the status of the kids. I apologize and said I tried to make it up to her by straightening up the house. Wife makes a snarky comment about not starting until I heard her car. Again, I apologize and tell her that it never really crossed my mind to call her, but since it was a big deal to her, I will not do that in the future. Of course, this does not satisfy her. We have to have a 30 minute discussion on my failing to keep her informed and making her worry.
This incident, in and of itself, is no big deal. It is indicative of how things are between us. I can see her point, but she makes big deal out of everything. It has come to such a point that I'm starting to avoid her. I get tired of the constant conflict over miniscule crap. I get tired of rehashing old arguments. This is really taking its toll on me. I haven't posted a lot of what has been going on, because I get tired of sounding like a broken record.
Ironically, everyone loves her. Everyone thinks she is the greatest person. She is kind and patient with everyone except the kids and me. Especially me.
Maybe the problem is me. Am I inconsiderate? That's what she keeps saying. Yet, she has no problem with all of the good things I do for her. Who's the inconsiderate one?
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
7 comments:
Hi Aphron,
It sounds like the problem with your wife is either you or caused by you. Does anyone else say you're inconsiderate? If so, then yea it might be you. However, surely by now she knows how you are and would realize that you weren't intentionally being insensitive. It sounds like she might be angry, either at you or at someone else, and is taking it out on you by picking on you.
Thanks for stopping by my corner and leaving a comment! I'll have to second your opinion on his anger issues - read my latest.
If no one else sites you as inconsiderate, then I think the problem is internally hers. I mean, is it really necessary to call and check in with her after you do every single little thing? You got the kids, like you said you would. Why the need to call? I'm still confused by that.
It sounds to me like she is one of those people who treats strangers better than her family. She likes to give the appearance of being super nice and all, but at home, she's freakin Joan Crawford (ok, maybe not that bad, but you get my point.) My mom was the same way, kind of. She'd be yelling at us kids, and then pick up the ringing phone and have the most polite voice you could ever hear.
Me inconsiderate? I definitely have my moments. I can be a real selfish prick.
The question I have is this: would anyone have made that call? If that was a reasonable expectation, then fine I will take my lumps and admit to being inconsiderate in this instance.
It sounds like something else is at the root of her bitchiness. Do you have a habit of not calling when you know that your wife expects a phone call? Does the lack of calling indicate to her that you don't care about her?
With my ex, I would get upset over the smallest things, but hidden in that was my feeling that he just didn't care about me. That I was the last person on his list.
A lot of people think my ex is wonderful, they say he's funny and a fun person to be with. I have no idea who they're talking about, that's certainly not the man I spent 19 years of my life with.
I agree with you, it's no way for the two of you to live. Especially if the arguing is going on in front of the kids.
I wouldn't have made the call, unless I was specifically asked to make the call, or I was bitched at before about not making the call in those same situations.
Frankly, I don't get the calling thing either. You said you would pick them up, you picked them up, I would only call if something happened to delay me to the point where the kids would be left hanging and calling her.
Also, she never seems to really appreciate your demonstrations of affection, from cleaning the house, to being romantic with her.
It sucks to have to avoid your spouse. If there is ever a calm moment during an appropriate time in her monthly cycle (*smile*) perhaps you could sit her down and just ask her what is up her butt. I mean gently inquire as to what is bothering her. Maybe.
Taja-
When did I call you shallow?
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