Random Mutterings

Well, Sybil and I survived this weekend without killing each other. Our anniversary was Saturday. Thirteen years of marital...er...excitement. We spent the majority of it apart. Son#1 had a baseball tournament while daughter and son#2 has a swim meet. The meet was in another city an hour and a half away. I was chosen to go to the swim meet. Although I made it clear that I would rather go to the baseball tournament, Sybil made it clear I was going to the meet. Since I have a much better sense of direction and don't mind driving, it made logical choice. Naturally, Sybil made the mistake of asking which I would rather do. I made the mistake of answering truthfully. Fireworks ensued, and I went to the meet. I rather enjoyed myself. Driving by myself (the two kids had gone ahead with a friend since I had to work) was cathartic. I got to listen to my music and generally enjoyed myself. The kids came in third in their age group, so it worked out well. Sadly, I missed Son#1's game. Apparently, he played very well. C'est la vie. Saturday ended on a high note with a visit to our best friend's house. They live about an hour away, so by the time we came home Saturday night I was exhausted.

This morning was interesting. Sybil awoke mad at me for dreaming that I had a conversation with an ex-girlfriend. I haven't spoken with this person in thirteen years. The last time I spoke with her was when she called me out of the blue. I had just gotten married and Son #1 had just been born. Due to the circumstances of us getting married (shotgun wedding, so to speak), I did not want to speak to the woman. I, basically, just had a monosyllable conversation. Unfortunately, I did not tell her that I was married and had a kid. That has come back to bite me on more than one occasion. Sybil's already deep seeded insecurity has solidified.

We all have insecurities. It is how we deal with our insecurity that tells the story. When insecurities raise their ugly specter, the aftermath is difficult to deal with. In Sybil's case the episode happened over a decade ago, yet she is still grappling with it. Do I do things to instill that insecurity? I guess so. I'm not sure what it would be. Maybe she is an insecure person. No matter what I do, she will remain so. Despite my best efforts of reassurance, she remains to this day convinced that I would run off with said girlfriend, if given a chance. Nope. Could it be that deep down inside she understands that she does things to make me unhappy? Instead of dealing with that, it is easier to lash out. I don't have the answers just mutterings.