In my last post, which the issue was never resolved, Silent Male presented an interesting comment. He highlighted the ramifications, if I were outed. What if Sybil found the blog and read the posts and comments? What ramifications would that bring on?
Well, dear reader, I'm sure you already know what would happen. Given Sybil's temperament, I'm sure not good things would happen. She has already run divorce up the flag pole to see what would happen. The first couple of times, I was shocked into submission. Since I'm a slow learner, I finally figured out that was a form of emotional manipulation at best. Actually, one night she commented, "I guess we should call the lawyers." To which I replied, "Tomorrow would be fine." Naturally, she became upset and accused me of giving up on our marriage. The irony was totally lost on her. Anyway, I'm sure she would begin the procedures of divorce. For me divorce is, simply, not an option. I've listed the reasons somewhere on this blog, but the there are three basic reasons: my three children.
I am left with trying to conceal my blogging. I know that to be completely open and honest with Sybil would bring on Armageddon. I use Mozilla's Firefox because it automatically deletes my browsing history. No one that I know personally knows about my blog. I am as careful as I can be. I do not talk about my work or any other personal events to try to remain anonymous. It is sad in a way.
When I started this blog, it was a to vent the frustrations of my marriage without really causing any long term problems. I had hoped to receive some validation, and I have. Although this blog does not show the whole story of Sybil, I do try to remain objective about she how treats me at times. I am human, and I am sure some bias does creep in. There are some posts that written during a relatively emotional moment.
Although this blog was started as a way of finding vindication, I believe it may be documenting my life with Sybil. I pray it doesn't, but it may have to be used in the event of divorce. Denial is a powerful thing, but I am being to see that I am living with an emotionally abusive person.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
6 comments:
Yes, you are living with someone who manipulates and emotionally abuses you. I have to wonder what that does to the household overall, including the other little occupants that are in it? What do you think your children are learning from this?
I hope you can find some sort of resolution - Your Sybil sounds a lot like someone I know in my family and her relationship with her husband is quite similiar to having a dog on a short leash. She's a spoiled brat and also commands all of the attention and control the Universe can afford. I'm witnessing what that has done to the family unit as a whole and to the little one in their household.
It's not healthy and I hope you find the way to the happiness you deserve.
c-marie
No one outside really sees it. As for the children, I'm sure they walk on eggshells. Soon, I will explain the situation to my older son (14 ).
Even in our worst arguments (and trust me, we've had 'em) we've never raised divorce as anything remotely like a live possibility. Which is pretty basic, really. But that's not really my point (and I don't say it to rip on you, or Sybil; just to be clear)
But calling her bluff can be an effective response. Once or twice, in her anger, Molly has made threats which, if she really meant them, would have had pretty dire consequences. And I just said, "Well, you do what you feel like you've got to do." Which seemed to jar her into taking a more sober look at what she was saying.
I recall one such argument when we were engaged, when she said she wasn't sure she wanted to be married to a man who would (*do whatever it was that I had done to offend her*). And I said, "Well, it seems as though you've got a decision to make, then." Which took her back. She had only wanted to communicate how *really* upset she was, but she wasn't really prepared to end the engagement over it. Since then, she's much better at saying what she means, without the threats she's not prepared to follow thru on. . .
And, divorce not being an option for you, it may yet not matter what your option is. . .
The one thing to always keep in mind is that a bully is often a coward trying to hide their fear. This is no more true than it is for a bully who keeps it to one or just a few victims.
Not sure I have a point. Just wondering aloud ....
Hey, Aphron,
I just wanted to let you know that I e-mailed you the post for the Blogger Swap.
Actually, one night she commented, "I guess we should call the lawyers." To which I replied, "Tomorrow would be fine." Naturally, she became upset and accused me of giving up on our marriage. The irony was totally lost on her.
I had a brief "starter marriage" to somebody like that, and like you, the first few (dozen) times she pulled that I was shocked into giving in. After a couple of years, though, I was an emotional wreck. So, one day, figuring I had nothing to lose, I responded the way that you did.
She totally freaked.
An "ah-ha moment" indeed.
Unfortunately, by the time I figured it out, I was beyond caring, and frankly, didn't trust her or her motivations any longer. Fortunately, we had no children. I have no idea how things would have turned out if we were in your own position.
That said, you have to work under the assumption that she might actually file for divorce anyway, so taking a stand against the emotional abuse now will help to cushion that blow, should it come - or lay the groundwork for renegotiating your relationship should you both decide to make it work.
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