Thursday, April 27, 2017

A New Twist

Once again, Anon has given me more to chew on.  He/she proposes that Sybil has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  I went to one of the sites he gave me and did a quick check list:

While I am no mental health expert, I am seeing that maybe Sybil has OCPD rather than Narcissistic PD.  Actually, I think she has OCPD with NPD traits.  Anyway, she is the epitome of a obsessed workaholic.  This creates a lot of strain, since we own our own business.  However, nothing is good enough.  She is always revamping things.  To the point of working on minutiae without seeing the bigger picture.  This minutiae does nothing to give us more money.  It creates a strain because she is responsible for billing, and does not have time because she is working "shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic".

For example, I offered to outsource some of Sybil's work to ease her burden and give her more free time.  It would have cost us money and may have an error rate of...say...10%.  Since that is below her threshold of 100% perfection, she would not let me do it.  Therefore, she literally sits on her bed all day Saturday and Sunday (watching "Real Housewives" which is another post by itself) working.  I am left to take care of the toddler and try to run the house.  No time spent with the family.  We certainly do nothing fun.

Sadly, I have forgotten how to relax.  After nearly 24 years with Sybil and her tendencies, I have a constant state of low grade anxiety that I should be doing something.  While we do things with friends, it is always something within Sybil's comfort zone, like going out to dinner.  I do not know what the next steps are but to realize that Sybil will always have these issues, will not change, and it is up to me to carve out a life without her.


Anonymous said...

Glad you found the info helpful -- hopefully just another piece of the puzzle that is PD. At any rate I think all you can really do is continue working through your grieving process, as you strive toward become increasingly self-reliant. Particularly emotionally. She is who and what she is, meaning her patterns of thinking and behavior are pretty much set in stone. Only unless by some miracle she wants and decides for herself to change for the better, it won't be happening anytime soon. So just work on yourself and learn to become your own best friend while enjoying your own good company. You can still create a decent and quality existence for yourself parallel to hers.

aphron said...

Yup. I'm doing the 51% of worrying about myself thing and working on boundaries. I have a difficult time saying "no".

Things will not get better. I am usually a pretty optimistic person, but I can say definitively that it will not. Sybil does not think she has a problem. Everyone else is the problem. Her ego could never handle knowing she is much of the problem.