Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Nothin' New

Not much different going on here. Wife and I are keeping things superficial. I really hate confrontation, but I know I will have to take initiative. The thing that happened last Thursday is still reverberating today. I'm not sure I can get over it.

  1. How does one get over being called rude and inconsiderate at nearly every turn?
  2. How does one get over being berated over a stupid comment over and over?
  3. How does one get over the anger and blow-ups?
  4. How does deal with the stress of work and the greater stress of living with someone like Wife?

I know Wife feels the same way in many ways. She blames me for all that is wrong in the marriage, not that I'm ducking responsibility.

I grew up living with a woman that threw tantrums on a fairly regular basis. Am I doomed to live with someone like that?

6 comments:

So Gone Over You said...

Men tend to pick women their mothers, and women the same with their fathers. Who knows why that is, and even if you try to avoid it, you always seem to do it.

Personally, I couldn't deal with those issues at all.

Mom of 3 said...

Berating and name calling is juvenile behavior, but I did it too. It really should be considered unacceptable behavior. Would we treat anyone else like we treat our spouses? No way.

My ex was to blame for many of our problems, to which he'll readily admit, but I contributed to its demise too. I have to take responsibility for my part in our horrible marriage. Your wife seriously needs to take responsibility for herself.

Right now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man and I'm trying to learn what it's like, for the first time in my 45 years, to be in a healthy, respectful, loving, safe relationship. It's hard work but worth it.

Anonymous said...

You aren't doomed to be with someone like that. I can't offer any advice because I'm battling with the "should I settle" demons. I just want you to know that I don't think you are doomed. I didn't read what happened last Thursday but I'll read back and see if I can find it. Hang in there, my friend. If you want to talk, please feel free to email me. You can pretend to put your head on my shoulder and we'll eat ice cream.

Lori said...

Maybe you both need to talk to the Pastor of the church.....since you both have alot of the same feelings about certain issues....Maybe he can help!!!

Cheers to Better Days!!!

aphron said...

Thanks to everyone for all of the words of encouragement.

I'm not sure what the future holds. I realize that a lot of what is going on is my fault, but a lot is her fault. Yet, Wife doesn't seem to see that her reactions and lashing out at me has any long-term effect. It happened again last night.

We were speeking with Son #1 about respect and responsibility. She was trying to make a point that neither he nor I could understand. So instead of explaining herself, she says that I'm dense. This is in front of my son. This kind of crap (abuse? I don't know) has been going on for a long time. I think I've finally had it.

Lori-
I'd love to speak with my pastor or a counselor. I've brought it up with Wife before. She is totally opposed to it. What else am I to do? Roll over and take it?

Anonymous said...

Your wife is afraid.
She is abusive.
Start with counseling yourself.

The longer you empty out "your bucket" to keep this marriage alive, the worse you will feel.

As long as she is saying YOU YOU YOU and not US, this marriage is going no where.

No where at all.

YOUR kids need to see a WORKING marriage, so that this abuse is not passed on to yet another generation.


Home should be a place of refuge. Sure there's stresses there. But the support of a spouse and working as a team, is supposed to make the burdens lighter.

If you grew up with this sort of thing, then you really haven't learned skills for how to NOT to live this way. And she hasn't either.