We have a church friend (friend 1), who went through a sudden divorce about 6 months ago. Almost immediately after the break-up, she started dating another guy. One thing led to another and now they are supposed to be getting married. Unfortunately, it has come to Wife's attention that the friend's boyfriend/fiance has issues. It has filtered to Wife that he answers the friend's cell phone, will not let her leave his sight, and, I think, physically threatened her. To complicate things further, Wife heard all of this through a mutual friend (friend 2). It is obvious to Wife and me that friend 1 is in an abusive relationship, if the facts hold up.
Friday Wife was alone with our Associate Pastor (AP) and told him the story. He became quite concerned and wanted to speak with Friend 2 to make sure he was getting the facts straight. On Sunday morning, after church, AP and friend 2 have a conversation. This conversation leads him to her that he will be contacting Safe Space and meeting with a representative at friend 1's workplace. The idea being to save her from the guy.
quandary: Wife is racked with guilt because of
1. Betrayed friend 2's confidence.
2. The situation may be nothing more than a misunderstanding.
3. Wife may be spreading rumors.
I have told Wife repeatedly that she did the right thing. If it is all a misunderstanding, then she can ask for forgiveness and all will be well. If not, then she may have saved someone from years of pain. I keep spouting the Edmond Burke quote: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." It may help, but seems to do little to assuage her guilt. I don't know what else to say.
4 comments:
Talking to the AP was the right thing to do....Hopefully it will all work out!!!
Have a great day!!!
She did the right thing. Tell her friend to get over it if she's mad. She is a good friend.
Update-
As usual, Wife is being a little dramatic. Friend #2 isn't mad at Wife. To date, nothing has been done. If anything changes I'll keep ya'll posted.
Thanks for the comments.
I think for the persons sake in the abusive relationship your wife did the right thing. The only thing I'd like to add is to be very very careful what you tell church leadership.
I have been involved for years with a church, ministry and it's leadership. I am a firm believer that often times the best course of action is to speak directly to the person in trouble rather than involve the leadership.
They may be in leadership, but they are as faulty as everyone else and often times worse. I can't count the number of times leadership has overstepped it's authority and meddled with things they ought not be involved in.
JMHO
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