Sybil and I have many differences. Naturally, we have some likenesses. Unfortunately, these likenesses are of a big picture, general sense. I can sum up Sybil's and my differences thusly: she lacks a sense of adventure. Examples:
- I really enjoy backpacking. I could go every chance I get. There a "zenful" feeling of hiking 8 to 10 miles and then sleeping in a tent. Sybil has never and will never do that. I'm left going by myself. She feels it is too much work and effort for very little reward. Of course having never done it, how does she know?
- I really enjoy roller coasters. We have a rather large amusement park nearby. They have two roller coasters and several other rides. Unless we go with some friends of ours, I usually have to ride them by myself. Luckily, Daughter also enjoys riding them, so that helps. Sybil has only ridden one twice, and it was like pulling teeth.
- I enjoy flying. I've had my pilot's license for about 4 years now. I dream of loading Sybil and me up and taking off for some place fun. She always uses the kids as excuse. What will do about them (the planes I fly only carry 4 people not the 5 needed)? Of course, we could work around that, but she sees no point. It's a big hassle to her.
- I would like to take the family to the beach. She sees it as too much effort. She sees it as too expensive. However, she will entertain the notion of spending over $2000 on a new couch for the basement, which is nothing but a playroom for the kids and their friends.
- I enjoy sexual experimentation. I'm not talking about 3somes or barnyard animals or anything like that. I'd settle for oral sex or anything other than the missionary position she enjoys. I have to come up with anything new. I have to put the effort into it. Although she would let me have sex with her every day, willingly, I want more than that. I want her to take the initiative. I want her to open her mind up.
Opposites may attract, but I'm not sure it is a good thing. Being in a relationship with someone completely different is normal. I wouldn't want to be married to someone just like me. However, there must be that common thread. That bond. That wanting to share in all of the experiences of being with the person one loves. Sybil has no desire to share in any of that with me.
9 comments:
Hmm, that's a tough one, because it just sounds like she doesn't want to get out and DO anything. My wife and I are very different, but we are both generally willing to try other things. (Although she's only been camping with me once or twice, for no more than 1 night at a time.)
I know it's difficult to tell from just reading a blog, but from my wife's experiences I've seen that overall health can play a big role. Doctor's visits for depression, getting on the right vitamins to correct any iron or other deficiencies, and working out consistently have all really helped my wife (and subsequently helped me too!).
I laughed when you said working out consistently. Sybil convinced me to buy a weight machine and a treadmill to help us stay in shape. But, workouts were boring with only a radio to keep one company, so I added DirectTv to the workout area. She's never used it. It's been two years now. I still get complaints about her tummy (after 3 kids that's to be expected). I used to adivize her to use the workout equipment. I finally decided it was falling on deaf ears and shut up. Funny thing is I used to use regularly. Sybil complained about me not being around her enough, so I've basically stopped.
I definately feel you there. I've began to think that opposites may attract but it's definately not a good thing to have them together in a relationship. It is extremely hard to enjoy each other when the common interests are not there!
I agree with ftn on the health stuff. I've noticed that in my own life when I'm playing volleyball/paintball, situps/pushups and running I feel better about life. In fact some times it's the only thing that keeps me sane. It would probably help her to learn to get out and excersize...
I've never understood the "Opposites Attract" thing, because I've never been attracted to my opposite. Maybe it's because I have only ever met men through activities that involved shared interests? I don't know. All I can say is that the men in my life have been those with whom I could share hobbies and favorite activities, and who were very similar to me in political and theological outlook.
Hm.
Opposites attract but only if those opposite traits compliment each other.My husband and I are opposites in the same way you and your wife are, it causes so much stress. Wanna go out for pizza?
MMMM, pizza. Another opposite, eh. Sybil isn't a big fan of pizza. I love it, especially with ham and pinapple.
Opposites can be good...as long as you have a open mind to try new things!!!......Your post reminds me of a saying
""A woman works at changing her husband for 10 years only to say he's not the man I married""
Have a great day!!!
The benefit of "Opposites" is that there gets to be things that provide you with your individuality.
Even in opposites, there still needs to be some common ground for things to succeed.
Unfortunately it seems that Sybil has no desire to find that missing link.
I wish I had a solution, but I am looking for one myself. In my case we HAD the common bonds when we got married, but she CHANGED her feeling and opinions on those things leaving a similar void.
hmmmm whatever happened to the idea that partners in a relationship do things occasionally that they aren't fond of doing simply because the other partner loves it? Maybe that's what Granny called compromise...I will camp with you once a year if you do something with me that I enjoy and you don't particularly? It's worth considering.
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