Saturday, April 22, 2006

What is Wrong with Me?

I seem to have it all: a wife who loves me, very attractive, enjoys sex, etc. Although I complain about her, I do love her. Her nickname, Sybil, isn't too flattering, but I'm convinced it isn't her fault. Hormonal changes are hell. Now that the storm has passed (again), she is back to usual self. The woman I fell in love with.

However, I find myself waiting more. I find myself fantasizing about sexual practices Sybil will not participate in. I find myself checking out other women, although they are not as physically attractive as Sybil. Mentally undressing them. Am I never to be satisfied with what I have? I admit it is purely a physical thing. What does that say about me? Am I a shallow, empty vessel? Am I perverted? To confront Sybil with these thoughts would signal the beginning of Armageddon. I am not prepared for the end of the world. Yet, how do I turn these thoughts off? It has to be more than straight horniness, because I can have sex on a fairly routine basis. Have I become focused too much on sex? I seem to think on it often. Am I just bored?

As disturbing as these thoughts are, I will not act upon them. I love Sybil and my family too much to destroy it. The pain and suffering brought on by an action based on these thoughts is enough to keep me from doing anything stupid. At least I hope that's enough.

9 comments:

So Gone Over You said...

I think that *everyone* has these thoughts, at least occasionally, if they have an active fantasy life in their head. It's human nature!

aphron said...

Is that all it is? It seems to be fairly strong.

Lori said...

I think it's pretty normal to have these thoughts.....Thoughts of things your wife want do....Heck I hope it's normal....I have my own little thoughts....LOL

Have a great day!!!

FTN said...

Are you reading lots of sex blogs, looking at porn, etc? I know from my past experience, that really ramped up my mind into constant overdrive, which I just did not need 24/7.

Of course, that doesn't mean I NEVER think about some of that stuff now...

aphron said...

Reading a lot? I don't know. I read some, so that may be too much. When does something become a problem? How does one know, when one is in denial? I'll admit to going through phases of wanting/needing it quite a bit, and then things cool down. I'd say there may be a correlation to how Sybil and I are doing at the time. Of late, things are improving, but she is past the week before her period. During that roller coaster period (no pun intended), I may look at these sites more. Usually I read what is on my blog roll and some more political-type sites.

If you are alluding to a porn addiction, I've considered it. While it has a fascination, I don't think I have a problem with it. As I explore this, I think it is kind of morbid curiosity? I dunno.

aphron said...

Wanting/needing above refers to sex. I don't really feel the need to view porn or read sex sits.

Anteros said...

I think you're quite normal in those desires. We all seem to have them...

The real question is, which is greater, your love for your family or the desires. Seems that you've come to the conclusion that the love for your family is priority.

April said...

I think that we fantasize about things b/c of what we are missing in our own lives. Doesn't mean we have to act on them...but they do fulfill a part of us that can be empty at times.

The Hopeless Flirt said...

Ditto what april said. There is nothing wrong with fantasy. It is when things are so problematic that the desire to ACT becomes a "force that can not be denied" that you have to worry.