We last left our intrepid husband wondering "What the hell?" Sybil had become someone else. Was this to remain or was this to change back? Which personality would he get? Would she continue in this vein of trying to be more loving and patient, or would her anger get the best of her? What brought all of this on?
Well, from that last post I can say she has worked on improving. Sybil has worked to being more affectionate and less angry. We still have arguments. We had a doozy last night over how to fold undershirts and making sure the correct boy's underwear goes to the correct boy. It lasted a long time. What sets this argument apart from previous ones is the aftermath. She did not seem resentful (digger wrote a good post on resentment that I'll add to soon). I did not feel that I was in a fencing match.
I wrote about some potential health issues, and how they may be contributing to Sybil's working towards change. I think that was only part of the reason. Although she may be seeing tangible, physical problems from the stress I have, Sybil also has seen many couples divorce lately. In our church there are 5 couples that have just divorced or will soon divorce for one reason or another. I believe that Sybil has been hit with the potential reality of us divorcing. Either she leaving me, or me leaving her.
Sybil has become realistic about marriage. She has started to understand that it isn't always fun. Probably, she knew that on an intellectual level but not emotionally. She was always looking at me as the source of her unhappiness (see above about folding undershirts and underwear size determination). The other day she said that she was happy about 70 to 80% with our marriage. I'd say that's not bad. Of course, I didn't tell her about me being happy about 50% of the time. In an earlier time I might have, but I see her making strides.
I understand that married people fight. I'm not asking for no fighting. I'm asking for less vitriol. Less anger. Less open hostility. So far, I seem to be getting it. Now it is up to me to work on my resentment.
Coming soon...
Resentment: It's What's for Breakfast
also I'm Ok; You're Freakin' Psycho!
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
4 comments:
Baby Steps my man, baby steps. Things didn't fall apart over night, and they are not going to come back overnight.
On the bright side, look at it this way, you wife sees you having ill effects from stress, she at least trys to reduce stress.
My wife... left an application for a life insurance policy on my computer.
Well, Aphron, I'm glad things have taken a mellower turn for you/Sybil. And, I suppose it's encouraging, in its way, that a sober look at the possibility of divorce has moved her to look after her marriage. I mean, she might have looked at five other divorces and thought, "Hey, I could do that. . ."
Hope things continue in this vein, and your marriage truly gets its legs back under it. . .
Progress, even if its only teeny tiny, is still progress.
I hope this is only the beginning of change in your household.
Less anger, hostility, etc are very reasonable goals. Some more of the good stuff would be nice, too :-)
I'm glad that Sybil is seeing that her actions could potentially have consequences. I find that resentment tends to reduce by itself when genuine efforts are made, so hopefully yours is about to start thawing out.
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