The Saga Continues

Last night Sybil came home from Bonko with an interesting observation: the other women were amazed that she wins all of the arguments. The running joke I have is that, when I said "I do," my balls were locked up with Sybil having the key.

That indicates to me that much of what Sybil is I've allowed to be created. By not standing up for myself, I allowed her to fill that void. The problem lies in our different personalities. In an old post I mentioned that Sybil has a "scorched earth" style of arguing. She is VERY persistent and stubborn. Once she stakes out her position, it is a monumental task to change that position. Unfortunately, I tend to try to be a consensus builder. I want everyone to be happy. I want both sides to be heard and to meet somewhere in the middle. Mix in an aversion to confrontation and that adds up to a monster that, although I didn't create, I allowed to roam free.

I need to improve my debating style. I need to stake out my position and, rationally, defend it. It stems from a form of laziness. When these arguments come about, it's usually at the end of the day, and I'm tired (Sybil operates on ~9 hours of sleep. I get ~6).

Honestly, if it weren't for the kids and my fear of poverty, I would have left already. I hate thinking that, much less typing that. I was brought up to believe that married people stay married, no matter how painful it is. Also, this goes against my Judeo-Christian beliefs. Probably the kids and the fact that divorce courts are stacked against men hold more power over me.

To be continued...

Meeting Myself Coming

Things are still pretty busy with work and personal life. Apparently, I'm down to monthly posting. Part of the reason is that Sybil and I are spending A LOT of time together. Since work has become more than I can handle alone, I've brought her in to help. With her detail oriented, micromanaging style, it's a wonder we're still together. Love is a many a wonderful thing.

Nothing exciting to report on the home front. We've had a couple of blowups but nothing major. After a lot of introspection, I'm beginning to think that my libido isn't down. I'm beginning to think its my desire for Sybil that is. Don't get me wrong, I love Sybil. I think I need a break from her. Not a separation or anything. Just some time to myself. I have a hard time being with the same person (friend or significant other) all the time. I just need a break.

Hopefully, I'll be posting more than monthly. We'll see.

Later...

Alive!

Sorry for the hiatus. I've been extremely busy, and Sybil has been with me at the office everyday. That leaves little room for blogging. I'm sure my readership is in about one a week. I'll be posting more in the future. Things will normalize once the kids are back in school, and the office becomes less crazy.

Sybil and I haven't killed each other, yet. We've had fewer incidents than average. The one that continues is my lack of interest in sex. I'm not sure what the problem is. I don't know, if it is all of the past 14 years' of crap, stress from work, boredom (her boundaries), or what. I know she is disappointed. Maybe I'm bored? I'm sure that some think I've got it great, but straight missionary sex with me doing all of the work becomes...work.

Gotta run. Both of you that are still reading my blog: good to see you.

I'm not Dead, Yet. I'm Beginning to Feel Better

Sorry for the unexpected hiatus. We've been doing a lot of traveling. We took our first real vacation last week. After 14 years of marriage, it's about time. There's nothing like a seven hour car ride with Sybil to make me want to take up drinking.

Yep, seven hours of reliving my past mistakes. Reexamining my life under the microscope. I won't bore you with details, dear reader. I wish I could say I'm happy to be back at work. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, Sybil is having help out in the office. It's 24/7 stress. Great fun!

Oh, my libido? Dead.

I'll try to be more diligent in posting.

Hope for the Beast

Take heart you hopelessly men. If this guy can get an attractive ex-model, there's hope for you.

This image just reaffirms the stereotype of the ugly guy with the hot woman. Why is that? What does that guy have that enables him to get the girl?

Personally, I believe it's a combination of things.

1. Money. I know I'll come across as...well...old-fashioned, but women like to feel secure. Salman Rushdie is a successful author. He has made quite a living off of his books. When the Ayatollah "of Rock and Rolla" Khomeini issued his fatwa, that was the best publicity he could have gotten. Thus he was able to sell more books.
2. Confidence. Women are attracted to men that are confident, not necessarily cocky. A confident man exudes an aura that attracts women and other men. Think of Alpha Male. The main dog in the pack (there, that will score me some points with women).
   
3. He asked. How many times do attractive women sit around and whine about not being asked out? Many men are too scared of rejection to ask out a women that he perceives to be out his league. Men adhere to the "Ladder Theory". This ties in with #2. Also, men with money tend to be confident.
   

The Beauty and the Beast story has been around for ages. Yet, we are still fascinated by it. Gorgeous women (and maybe men) attached to shlumpy men.

I'm Back

Yep, like a bad penny, I keep popping up.

I got back home late Sunday night, but because of work and overall fatigue, I haven't posted until today. Sorry.

Sybil and the kids are still at her parents house and won't be home until Monday, so I've been livin' the dream of bachelorhood. Well, not really. Sybil can still reach out and touch me and does everyday. We've only had one argument on the phone. I'm sure that'll change when she comes back home.

Funny thing, my libido has come back with a vengeance. I wonder how long that will last? I'm feeling a little...er...anxious.

Nothing interesting to write about. Since this blog was a way to vent my frustrations brought on by my marriage, I have less to write about. With Sybil not around, I have nothing to blog about. I guess that means she is my source of excitement.

Sad.

I'm Outta Here!

I'll be gone until next Monday.

Sybil + traveling + her parents + kids + STRESS = a good blog post in the works.

Later.

14

years of marriage. Sybil and I celebrated our fourteenth anniversary yesterday. Who would have thought.

Ahh, I remember it well.

We were in grad school. She had not been feeling well. I told her she was pregnant and needed to get tested. She thought no it was a only a stomach thing. So one month later, we are at a Planned Parenthood place to get her tested. Yep, she's pregnant. Now, Sybil will say I took her to an abortion clinic to get tested. Although it was an abortion clinic, I took her to a place that offered free testing. We were poor students with no health insurance.

After much soul searching, I asked Sybil, "Well, do you wanna?" I know. I'm a hopeless romantic. We went to the court house and got married on the anniversary of the judge, who had also gotten married by a judge. For our reception dinner, we went to Wendy's. We topped it off with a Frosty. The next day we drove across the state for our honeymoon. Sybil had morning sickness the WHOLE TIME. It rained.

We've survived a lot: 3 unexpected pregnancies (she's Catholic...that's my story and I'm sticking to it), stress of grad school, poverty, success, etc.

I blogged about all of the crap I put up with with Sybil. I'm not truly over it, yet. However, I'd rather have to deal with her crap than learn someone else's. When someone here asks why don't I divorce her, it's rather simple: I love her.

Damn it.

"Knocked Up" a Movie Review

I don't usually do movie reviews, but Sybil and I caught Knocked Up last night. For those of you that don't know what it's about, the story revolves around a woman, Alison, that becomes pregnant from a one night stand. She tells the man and hilarity ensues. This movie struck pretty close to home because it a lot of similarities to what Sybil and I went through.

Although our first born is not the product of a one nighter (we had been dating for about 6 months), we weren't married nor prepared for her pregnancy. At first blush, one might think that I would most identify with the Ben, the man involved in the one nighter. He is a happy go lucky kind of guy. He is sailing through life rudderless. His main objective is to smoke dope and run a website that tracks nude scenes. However, as the movie unfolded I found myself identifying with Pete. Pete is Alison's brother-in-law. We learn that Pete and Debbie (Alison's sister) also "had to get married." The audience sees Pete and Debbie as two over-achieving persons. However, there is a lot of tension and conflict between Pete and Debbie. They are what Alison and Ben fear becoming. The line uttered by Debbie: "You criticize them a lot, and they get so down on themselves that they're forced to change." reveals her philosophy about being married to Pete. Debbie soon becomes convinced that Pete is having an affair and sneaks into the house where he is and confronts him. I won't give it away.

The rest of the story is typical. Alison and Ben have a baby and live happily ever after.

The reason I wanted to write about this movie is the relationship of Debbie and Pete. It struck very close to home. Debbie is a controlling harpy and Pete is a spineless noodle. Pete chooses conflict avoidance and turns to sneaking out of the house to get away from Debbie. Although it is apparent that Pete and Debbie love each other, they are doomed for marital struggle. Kind of like Sybil and me.

Sybil's constant barrage of criticism mixed with my tendency towards conflict avoidance is a volatile mixture. Instead of trying to be a little laid back and trying to accept each other for how we are, Sybil and I are constantly butting heads. When she gets on a roll, there is no stopping her. After a while I find myself wanting to tune her out. Since her main pet peeve is not being listened to, this only exacerbates the problem. Round and round we go.

If you want insight into my marriage, watch this movie. However, don't focus on the main story line. Instead, focus on the subplot as marriage is examined. Although this movie earned its "R" rating, it is a very funny movie. If you like 40 Year-Old Virgin, then this movie is right up your alley.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

*WARNING* Too much information.

I think now is a good time to revisit a subject that has been bothering me for a long time: by lagging libido.

When I was a teenager, I was pretty typical in that I wanted to have sex ALL OF THE TIME. Looking back, it seems that was all that was on my mind. Girls were developing all sorts of interesting aspects to their anatomy, and I was enjoying the development. The girls I dated usually kept the brakes on, so I was not having any sex (if you believe Bill Clinton). At least not sexual intercourse. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school that I had my first episode of sexual intercourse. It was less than I expected.

In college I had intercourse with 3 women, but did other things with about 3 more. I was still wanting it ALL OF THE TIME. However, I learned that sex usually came with an emotional price tag. I wouldn't have sex unless we both used the "L" word. I felt I was pretty normal in my desire for sex ALL OF THE TIME.

In grad school, the class work was much more intense. I took about 25 hours of classes each quarter. There was little time for meeting the opposite sex, except for those in the same grad school. Since it was a very small school and many were married, the odds were against me. I met Sybil there, and we became very serious. We had SEX ALL OF THE TIME.

Sybil became pregnant, I loved her and couldn't imagine not raising my child, so I married her. For the first few years we had SEX some OF THE TIME. However, it wasn't until we were married that Sybil showed "Sybil-ness." During this time I came to realize that she has a temper. A really quick, bad temper. Having grown up in a house with a woman that could quickly become unhinged (a topic for another post...Freud would love it), I learned to walk on eggshells. When Sybil is in her sweet mode, she is very caring and loving. When she is in her pissed off mode, there is nothing on this side of hell that would change her emotional state.

Today, I am facing a change in my libido. Why is this? I could have SEX ALL OF THE TIME. Sybil is accommodating. This has really bothered me. I've even talked to my doctor about it. He knows the kind of stress I have with my profession, so he chalked it up to that. I agree it is stressful, but I'm not sure it is work related. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing things. Work tends to stay at work, and home tends to stay at home. If I've had a really bad day at work, I may need about an hour to regroup. Afterwards, I'm fine. Nope. I think it is the stress and strain of home.

Home should be a refuge. Home should be a fortress against the world. For me home has increasingly become more stressful than anything at the office. There have been times that I would rather stay at the office than go home. That is one of the things affecting my libido.

My decreased desire to have SEX ALL OF THE TIME with Sybil has nothing to do with her outward appearance. When we go out, men turn their heads to watch her. She is still very attractive. In fairness to Sybil, it is not all because of her emotional issues. Sometimes I get tired of doing all of the work. I get tired of plain, ol' vanilla sex.

Her idea of foreplay: holding my hand right before she falls into the land of Nod. Wow. That really revs my engine. When we have sex, it is mainly on me. I have to be the one to take charge. I don't mind doing it some of the time, but all of the time becomes tiring. I have to deal with that in deciding what to have for lunch. Rarely does she decide that, much less how to have sex.

So that's the situation. What is to be done? Talking? Right, that always fixes things. I've done it until I could puke coat hangers. Unfortunately, we're dealing with basic personality issues. Those cannot be talked away. Confronting someone on every, single issue eventually will make that person avoid one like the plague. Compromise is good, when BOTH do it.

I hope you've enjoyed me venting my spleen.

Tagged

LBP has tagged me. He is interested to know who I've played or would want to play in some sort of drama. Since this helps to take my mind of the drama in my life, I'll play along.

In high school I was a thesbian. That's TH not L, although I enjoy having sex with women. I guess in that way I do have lesbian tendencies. But I digress.

I was involved in drama, and I was on the speech team in high school. I was pretty decent. My best friend and I did a duet acting piece and came in 6th in the state. It was pretty funny piece from a serious play dealing with Viet Nam veterans in a VA hospital. I played a dumb hick. I'm a character actor. I was also involved in the high school musicals. Since I can't sing, I was relegated to playing bit parts. The drama teacher promised my friend and me a play just for those that can act but cannot sing. Alas, it was never meant to be.

I'm not sure what character I'd like to play. Some of the characters I've enjoyed watching were: Josey Wales, Porter (Mel Gibson's Payback), etc. These characters share some common traits: a prickly nature, goal oriented, moral flexibility. Although I tend to be goal oriented, most people around me find me to be a lot of fun. I like cracking jokes and making those around me feel at ease with me. Go figure.

Pretty accurate

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 82% Neo orthodox 79% Emergent/Postmodern 71% Charismatic/Pentecostal 61% Reformed Evangelical 57% Roman Catholic 54% Fundamentalist 39% Classical Liberal 39% Modern Liberal 29% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

This little quiz was accurate because I've been thoroughly indoctrinated by the Methodist faith my whole life.

Run Away! Run Away!

Came across this post. Amanda is complaining that her boyfriend won't do anything around the house, and the things he does do are not to her specifications.

This post brings up an interesting dichotomy in my marriage. Sybil is much more...shall we say...particular on how things are done. If I am folding clothes and do not fold UNDERSHIRTS to her specifications, then she gets her feelings hurt. If I am loading the dishwasher and do not PREWASH the dishes before washing them, then she gets her feelings hurt. I remember the time that Son #1, a friend, friend's son and I were going backpacking. Sybil was still sound asleep, when we left. Needing a spatula, I grabbed what was the oldest, most used one to take along. About 45 minutes into the drive, I get a phone call from an irate Sybil because I grabbed her FAVORITE spatula. Hell, I didn't know she knew how to cook (since we eat out ~99% of the time), much less had a favorite spatula.

Reading Amanda's post made me think of how things will go with her boyfriend. Since he will not do anything to her specifications, she will nag at him for not doing a good enough job. She will forget that he is trying to please her, and she will only focus on what a moron he is for forgetting that the proper way to fold clothes is her way. Said boyfriend will decide it isn't worth the aggravation and quit doing it. This isn't being passive-aggressive. There have been many "discussions" about these certain things. In order to maintain some semblance of peace, the boyfriend will, simply, stop.

Amanda will not see herself as being that anal retentive. She, instead, will focus only on the boyfriend and his apparent need to make her angry. As an aside, no man purposefully tries to make his wife/girlfriend angry, playful jibing, maybe but not angry. As time marches on Amanda will come to feel that her boyfriend is lazy and doesn't want to help out because he expects her to do everything. They will fall into the cliche of the woman doing all of the housework. Her resentment towards him will grow. Eventually, they will break up.

A few questions:

1. Why is HER way the ONLY way?
2. Is there no credit for the attempt or is it pass/fail?
3. Does Amanda (and women like her) need to grow up?

Avoiders Anonymous (AA)

Nag coiled himself down, coil by coil, round the bulge at the bottom of the water jar, and Rikki-tikki stayed still as death. After an hour he began to move, muscle by muscle, toward the jar. Nag was asleep, and Rikki-tikki looked at his big back, wondering which would be the best place for a good hold. "If I don't break his back at the first jump," said Rikki, "he can still fight. And if he fights--O Rikki!" He looked at the thickness of the neck below the hood, but that was too much for him; and a bite near the tail would only make Nag savage. "It must be the head"' he said at last; "the head above the hood. And, when I am once there, I must not let go." Then he jumped.

Riki-Tikki-Tavi
Rudyard Kippling

FTN's post about being an avoider for a day was quite the interesting read. His writing shows how a normally confrontational person tries to tone it down. He tries to not let Autumn in on every, single thing that is annoying him. Finally, he can stand it no longer and nearly explodes.

I am happy that FTN is able to be that confrontational with Autumn. Honestly, I'm a little jealous. Being an avoider is no fun. Although confronting the person, who wrongs you, is the best course of action, that can lead to unexpected results. Both Sybil and my mother were (are) emotionally labile.

Although I don't want to turn this post into one about my mother (I'm saving that for later for all of you followers of Freud), I learned from an early age to avoid her temper at all costs. She was not an easy woman to live with. My father could seek refuge from her at work, but I had to wait until school to have my refuge. Sybil is a little like my mother. Whenever I confront her on an issue, I find myself being flailed around the room, metaphorically speaking. By changing the subject or bringing up my faults, she makes confrontation very difficult. In an effort to maintain peace and tranquility, I find myself swallowing my issues.

That was it means to be an avoider. By being non-confrontational, one tries to maintain the peace at any costs. Kind of like France. Intellectually, I know this will only lead to an invasion of Poland, but in the short run that seems easier. It's only Poland. Because I know what eventually happened in Europe by not confronting an aggressor until it was too late, I have worked very hard on improving my communication skills and confrontational skills.

AA people tend to become passive-aggressive. That is the pitfall of trying to maintain peace "in our time." The irritations are still there, but we don't deal well with them. Instead, we circumvent the confrontation process and use sneaky methods. I am ashamed to admit that I have caught myself doing that, rarely. That is something that I always guard against.

As hard it was for FTN to avoid all of his issues for a day, it is just as hard for a non-confrontational person to be confrontational for a day. It means we have to expect an unpleasant reaction. We must go against our conditioning. It is hard work for us too.

Law of Unintended Consequences

Things have calmed down to certain peace. Sybil apologized for her actions; I apologized for mine. Yet, there seems to be a lingering after effect. I'm not sure Sybil feels the same as me, but I feel a loss of connection. After all of the arguments and fights we've had, each one has left me feeling battered and bruised. I'm not sure I feel resentment towards her, but I feel trepidation about what to do or say. I feel that the reaction I'll get is more than I can handle.

Grabbing the tiger by its tail is a dangerous situation. To keep from grabbing the tail, I feel that I must act differently. I must watch each and every word and weigh its potential meanings carefully. I know that we all must do that in polite society; it is difficult to manage in the privacy of my own home. I cannot speak freely; I cannot act freely. Since I have not been one deal well with authority, this is a burden.

If one is in a truly intimate relationship, shouldn't that person be, relatively, free to speak and act? I could understand, if I were abusive. Am I this horrible person, or am I stuck in a hopeless situation? No one likes to think of themselves in a negative light. Am I in denial, or am I a selfish, unthinking bastard? Is Sybil right or am I?

Confrontation is a good thing, but over time constant confrontation over everything can lead to a feeling of despair. When something really important needs to be addressed, it can be lost in the noise of all of the other issues. The person being confronted begins to feel like a failure. I believe in carrot and stick approach can work, but what if there is no carrot?

Update

Thank you to those that commented on my last post.

Well, it was the calm before the storm.

Yesterday, Sybil and I had a huge fight. She was cursing (something she rarely does) and crying, and I was cursing (something I rarely do in front of her) and yelling. Nothing was resolved. I hope to smooth things over better today. I have come realize that I was wrong to reveal how I felt in public. I should have waited until we were alone and confronted her. Unfortunately, she never admitted to any wrong doing.

On the baseball bag incident, Sybil merely said that she misspoke, when she said "we". If she saw my point of view, she never indicated that to me. She could only see it as me blowing up for a comment that she made about "me" moving the bags. Towards the end of the argument, Sybil wondered why the kids and I think she is snapping at us, when she knows that she isn't. I thought that was telling, but I will wait until things are a little quieter to broach that subject. Anyway, I was wrong to show public irritation with her; I should have bit my tongue and confronted her later. However, she has indicated no wrongdoing.

As for the store incident, Sybil was stressing out because my parents about to pay for the items being purchased. She said what she said out of frustration. She really did not want my parents paying for anything, since they were our guests. I did get an apology of sorts. She did say she was sorry, but she yelled it at me with no remorse. Again, I should have not shown my irritation in public but waited until later. Again, she has indicated no remorse.

Lastly, Sybil did not wear her ring all day yesterday. Is it that easy to take off? I have not taken mine off for more than five minutes in nearly fourteen years. Sybil has always maintained that, although she may angry with me, she never stops loving me. Am I supposed to believe that? What I believe is that this supposed to make me be scared for our future. Even though I made mistakes in this, I do not feel the normal amount of remorse. If Sybil showed a little more responsibility for her part of the problem, I might be a little more contrite. Maybe I feel this is a bit of a tempest in a teapot? Maybe I feel that her behavior goes beyond the pale? I could understand if I was out all night and came home smelling of cheap perfume and cheaper booze (or versa visa), but reacting to how she was treating me? I feel as though my feelings are not taken seriously. When I tell that, I get excuses and other rhetoric. I do not get "you might be right. I'm sorry." After telling her that all I wanted was some acknowledgment of how she made me feel, I did not get that. I got excuses. I'm a forgiving person. "I'm sorry" would have sufficed.

Developing...

Silence is Golden?

Well, this weekend was almost fun with Sybil. My parents spent the weekend with us. Since the drive is about 6 to 7 hours, we don't see them too often. Son#2 had a baseball tournament, and it rained.

We had managed to play two games before the rain started to come down. Between games the players and parents were standing under an awning trying to keep dry. Sybil sees this and says,"We should move their baseball bags out of the rain and put them under this awning." I grab my son's bag first and put it under the awning. I turn to Sybil, and she was sitting in a folding chair. She sees me standing there and says something to the effect of "Well, aren't you going to bring the other bags in?" There was no mention nor any indication that she was going to get off her duff and help. I give my patented "Eat S@#t and Die" look and mumble a smart remark. I grab the bags and place them under the awning. Whatever.

Driving home from the game, we decide to stop at the grocery store to pick up some essentials. We are in the check out lane, and Sybil realizes that she doesn't have her grocery store member card with her. I know that this important because she loves the fact that she gets an extra few cents off per gallon of gas, if she puts so much on the card. I, happily, go out into the cold rain and get her other purse from the car. I bring the purse to the checkout lane and hand it to her. She says, "You didn't have to bring the whole purse. All I needed was the card." No expression of gratitude. I give her another look. Whatever.

When we get home, I notice that I'm getting the silent treatment. With my parents still there, I do not want to make a big fuss over anything. I wait until I know everyone is asleep, and I ask her what is wrong. Sybil is "disappointed" with me because of how I acted in front of friends and my parents. She makes no mention of her actions, which created my reaction. When I point out her actions and her rudeness, there is no apology, there isn't even a coherent excuse. Sybil is focused on how I acted in front others. Granted I could have acted better. I could have waited until no one was around and point out the error of her ways, but couldn't she have treated me better in front of others, too? Couldn't she have been nicer (or at least polite)?

We are at a stalemate. Sybil will not admit any wrong doing. Since my reactions were a response to her rudeness, I cannot admit any wrong doing. Also, I know that if I had done the same thing to her, I would have been chewed out. Although I could have handled myself better, Sybil has to realize that she not innocent either. So now she is not talking to me. I initiated conversation last night, which went nowhere. Silence is golden? Or, is silence the calm before the storm?

Dealing with Anger

so gone over you made an astute observation:

But seriously, if Sybil acts this way, somewhere along the line, YOU allowed it. People only treat you the way you allow them to.

I would agree that I enabled Sybil's bad behavior. When her vitriol is directed at me, I seem to have my shields down. After 14 years of marriage I, her verbal body blows seem to catch unprepared. I find myself reacting to her. My past mistake was not calling her on how she shows her anger. That was then.

I still have a lot of work to do in the arena of marital combat. However, I have started calling Sybil on her behavior. By doing this, I hope to be able to "nip it in the bud." I am not always successful. Being from a long line of avoiders, confrontation is not my strong suit. Confronting a volatile personality is even more difficult.

Sybil has started being more in control of her reactions. That is not to say that she is perfect, but it does mean that our conflicts are more of a small conflagration rather than a full blown smack down. I have also learned methods to help diffuse the situation. If she makes a coherent case for being angry with me, I'll apologize quicker than before. If she is just angry to be angry, then I do not respond.

No! Really?!?

Science has proven what I've always believed: women are angrier than men.

How often have we seen a wife talk down to her husband? Hit her husband for a silly comment? Have we come to believe nothing of it?

As cataloged here, my marital experiences mirror the results of the study. Sybil is allowed to get angry over any, little thing. Although she is not passive - aggressive, she has to really work to control her anger. Truly, she feels that she is justified in her behavior. Her reaction to me is my fault, I am able to control her emotions (apparently).

One of the comments posted on Dr. Helen's blog might shed some incite:

Well in a futile attempt at getting back to the question at hand, my experience has been that women behave passive-aggressively by demonstrating disapproval. For all our bluster, boys and men seek the approval of women. It begins sometime in middle school. I would venture that few men had girls falling at their feet but rather were consigned to trying to gain some girl's attention from amongst the multitudes of admires. This awareness of women's approval or disapproval becomes a primal force. Many women I've experienced understand this and use it as a weapon. It is usually worse when the man is not meeting some unspoken expectation of the woman. Not keeping her in the manner she feels she should or not having the job she feels is more socially appropriate. I know several men who found themselves divorced these very "failures." Not all women are like this mind you, a fortunate situation for us men. The longterm effect of this is that many men just stop seeking the company of women. At least, company not financially contracted. This generally leads to a vicious circle as women become "unhappy" at not getting the attention they desire from men at least on their terms. I experience this often in ballroom dancing, it seems many women can't suppress their displeasure at men who are learning and thus unable to produce the dance experience they desire. For some reason, they just can't comprehend that this attitude causes men to stop taking lessons and thus their are fewer men for them to dance with. I believe it stems from the habit learned in their teenage years that men exist to please them and by being petulant they get their way. They seem to not understand men adapt to this strategy by avoidance.

Tagged

I've been tagged by Digger in this post for as being on his list of thinking bloggers. That came as a surprise. When I started this blog, I never really expected anyone to read, let alone take the time to comment. I soon discovered there are many, who have issues in there relationships. Like me, they turn to the "blogosphere" to air their problems and try to work towards a resolution. Since my time is limited due to work and family obligations, I am unable to cultivate any real male friendships. I do not enjoy playing a round of golf with a friend. As my tag line says, I started this blog to vent my frustrations of being married to Sybil. It has been helpful, because I soon discovered that I'm not the crazy one. Anyway, I am very flattered to have been tagged in this matter. Now the rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

The five bloggers that make me think are:

1. Joe Flirt makes me think, because he and I are in similar situations. Granted his is more extreme, but nonetheless his is a difficult situation.
2. Tajalude makes me see the other side of the coin of a male's low libido. Her husband seems to share a few traits with myself. Her blog helps give me another perspective.
3. Steve at Hog on Ice helps me think about food and cooking, which are one of my favorite things. In addition, he adds humor to social and political commentary.
   
4. Emily's Post is great blog. We see Emily struggle with her relationship and the testament that love is the glue that holds us together.
5. Although this author will not answer the tag, Vox Day makes me think due to quite different perspective in political and societal thinking. I don't always agree with what he writes, but he definitely makes me think.

I could have added other blogs, but I wanted to list those that weren't nominated (that I know of).

Back to our regularly scheduled blogging.