Had it out with Wife last night. Nothing was really resolved. I'm still the reason our marriage is in the crapper. It seems I don't care enough. Why does she have this feeling? It has to with last week's comment. I showed her no respect in front of her friends at the spa. To top it all off, I did not keep bringing it up after Friday. She has declared our marriage dead. Wife will love me enough to go through the motions but not love me with her whole heart, whatever that means. But, the icing on the cake was my lack of caring about it enough to bring up the situation (again) after Thursday's and Friday's discussions. She said she basically wants a divorce (or will "love me just enough").
If Wife has a problem with me, shouldn't she be the one to bring it up? All of this over a comment. I asked her, if there was a chance of regaining her love. She answered with a cryptic, "What do you think?" She thanked me for teaching her to put her guard up and that was it. I can understand her frustration, but when does it end?
Developing...
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
9 comments:
I read your comment that you made. Honestly, I thought maybe you told her to drop dead or something. What you said to her was insensitive, maybe, but it wasn't awful. My thought is that she is using that once comment to tell you what she is really thinking. She is using it as an excuse. What you said wasn't that bad. Probably doesn't help that I'm telling you you're right. I'm sorry things are so bad. Wanna come to my house and eat ice cream?
I appreciate the offer. Don't you live in PA? Lol! That might prove difficult.
get thee to a counselor before you call everything off.
is she seeing someone?
I was the first to say "oh no, not my husband, when someone (pastor) suggested that this might be the case". I was the fool this time.
All that escalating fighting. And all over "nothing" things.
if you both aren't committed to make this work, then there's no point. Maybe you'll learn to appreciate each other from afar.
If not, protect the kids. You brought them into this mess.
No don't roll over and take it...I think you need to take matters into your own hands....if you want to save this marriage....And go talk to your Pastor....reguardless what she says....becuase it looks like if she's talking about divorce.....It surely couldn't hurt....And maybe he can approach her and talk to her....and make her realize you need some kind of counseling!!!
Have a great day!!!
Thanks all.
kj
She simply has no time for an affair. With 3 kids, volunteer work, and helping me at my office, how could she?
All
I'll post more later, when I have moretime. Basically, it isn't my comment but needs.
kj (or someone) mentioned a "marriage encounter" weekend... I have friends that absolutely swear by Retrouvaille, as it really did save their marriage from divorce. I know you are saying your wife wouldn't go for it, but it's worth a shot. Get childcare and sign yourselves up for something, and then tell her you have everything arranged.
I don't know, just a thought. From hearing your side of the story, it's difficult to understand what she's so angry about.
Ok, I think your wife has the crazy in her.
Thanks to everyone for their input. I need all of this reinforcement right now.
What is all of the fuss about; one might ask? It isn't the comment. It is the apparent lack of respect for her on my end. Wife feels that this was the cap of a trend over the nearly 13 years of marriage of me not really knowing her. If had known her, then I would have known not to make that comment. OR, I would have known to keep talking with her about how that comment made her felt, instead of ignoring the issue from last Saturday until last night. The comment bespeaks a bigger, broader issue of me not respecting her and not truly knowing her. This lack of respect and lack of trying to make it better are two things that will always set her off even on her best of days.
I admit to not taking seriously that comment and its repercussions. I mean to me it was a snarky comment made in frustration. I didn't tell her to go f--- herself, nor would I ever (although she has said that to me in a moment of frustration).
At lunch I initiated the process of smoothing things over. As usual, with matters of the heart, in my ham-fisted way, I've made them worse. Through her tears and sobs, Wife is now in full victim mode. She says she will make sure all of my needs are met, and accepts her lot in life to not have hers met. I told her I am striving to meet her needs. I, also, told her that I may not be able to do that, and it worries me. It truly does worry me. I don't think I'll be able to meet those needs, as she defines them. However, I'm not sure anyone could.
So, thank you for all of your comments and suggestions. I plan to keep trying. Did I tell you that I'm stubborn? In the end, I'm none too confident.
Sorry about your bad week. No advice, just support.
D.
Post a Comment