Friday, July 15, 2005

Another One

Another fight last night, Yah for me! Basically, what was stated was that I do nothing right, and she has lost faith in my abilities. Now, I admit to having moments. The thing is these moments have become cumulative in effect til now they have taken on a life all of their own. Although I try to please Wife (as any spouse should do), I always seem to fall short of her expectations. So, is it me or her expectations? I think it is a combination of the two. I admit to not giving 100% 100% of the time. I won't make excuses as to why, but there it is. Does anyone give 100% all of the time? I doubt it. But that is not good enough.

I can handle a little criticism, but when all one hears is criticism, it becomes too much. What separates nit-picking from actual constructive comments? For me, it has to do with context. Telling me to read the directions on a project, that is constructive criticism. Telling me I'm driving wrong in the Wal-Mart parking lot or blaming me for a restaurant's bad food is nit-picking. Unfortunately, Wife seems to not want to see the difference. They are lumped into the same category. Very frustrating.

The future does not bode well, if this trend continues.


Digger Jones said...

You are right in that her expectations aren't helping and that you are chiming in on the problem. Trouble is, is that you can not change her directly. It would be nice if you could send her back to the manufacturer and have her fixed! Trouble is, the company is like Microsoft, meaning the problems you are experiencing are features and enhancements.

Giving 100% all the time is something I haven't been able to master. I'm striving for 50% all the time or 100% half the time with a few 110% thrown in on special holidays. Unless it's my birthday, then I might go down to 20%.

I read your wife's side of the fight, but it might be informative to hear yours. Losing faith is a pretty serious blow.


aphron said...

Basically, my side was that there is a difference between criticism and nit-picking. Constantly judging my performance in everything is not good for a healthy relationship. She would not see it that way. It is either perfection or nothing. This is what happens, when a Type A personality and a Type B personality get married. I am definitely Type B see the big picture person, whereas she is very detailed and a perfectionist. It creates a lot of stress for her and those around her. Yet, she will not see it that way.

Anonymous said...

I'm not very good with criticism. I haven't found that line between expressing that I don't like the way he's doing or not doing something and just plain making him feel small about it. I tend to get worked up quickly and it comes off as pure condescending criticism. And God forbid he says something to me, I take it far too seriously and too personally. It's something we both need to work on. I think my husband probably feels a lot like you do on somedays, only he never tells me that.

aphron said...

It took 12 years of marriage and finally saying to heck with it. It isn't over, either. This morning I had a good ass-chewing on the proper technique to use an electric toothbrush and to brush my tongue. WTF?!?!?