Enjoying the Ride

Sybil has reverted back to her normal, loving, patient self. The week after her period is usually the best week. We actually enjoyed two days of great, wild, monkey sex. Unfortunately, she has some kind of dermatitis on her leg. The doc put her on high dose antibiotics, so much for the fun. The fear of antibiotics interfering with her BCPs put a damper on things.

As I walk through life, I learn that I cannot expect Sybil to change herself. Some (all?) is beyond her control. I'm convinced that her monthly cycle plays havoc with her moods and personality. Men really don't get it. At least I don't. This woman with the qualities I wrote about above will become some kind of demoness at the flip of a switch. Anyway, like I said, I can't change or control her. It is incumbent on me to be the best husband I can be. I must take responsibility for my faults, and there are many.

I must become more attentive. I must become a better listener. I must be more patient. When Sybil is again in the middle of her other self, I must not allow myself to be pulled into situations. It may be a Herculean task, but I must strive for it.

Although I will never be a perfect husband, that cannot be an excuse. If Sybil will not see how different she can act (I have discussed it during calm days) and understand the strain it puts on our marriage, I cannot change that.

Hang on tight! It's going to be a bumpy ride!

What is Wrong with Me?

I seem to have it all: a wife who loves me, very attractive, enjoys sex, etc. Although I complain about her, I do love her. Her nickname, Sybil, isn't too flattering, but I'm convinced it isn't her fault. Hormonal changes are hell. Now that the storm has passed (again), she is back to usual self. The woman I fell in love with.

However, I find myself waiting more. I find myself fantasizing about sexual practices Sybil will not participate in. I find myself checking out other women, although they are not as physically attractive as Sybil. Mentally undressing them. Am I never to be satisfied with what I have? I admit it is purely a physical thing. What does that say about me? Am I a shallow, empty vessel? Am I perverted? To confront Sybil with these thoughts would signal the beginning of Armageddon. I am not prepared for the end of the world. Yet, how do I turn these thoughts off? It has to be more than straight horniness, because I can have sex on a fairly routine basis. Have I become focused too much on sex? I seem to think on it often. Am I just bored?

As disturbing as these thoughts are, I will not act upon them. I love Sybil and my family too much to destroy it. The pain and suffering brought on by an action based on these thoughts is enough to keep me from doing anything stupid. At least I hope that's enough.

Digging up the Past

Well, last night was spent examining my past sex life prior to being married to Sybil. There's nothing like being under a microscope and/or being dissected for something that happened over 13 years ago. Like a lot of young people, I was a bit of a hedonist. However, I still had my morals and values. At least compared to many people I was around. Since Sybil had only 2 sex partners prior to me (although apparently they screwed like rabbits), she doesn't understand how I could be so shallow. This is especially in regards to my view on oral versus vaginal sex. As I stated before, I had the notion that oral sex (or any other contact other than vaginal) was, to me, less intimate than vaginal. The risks of pregnancy alone meant that vaginal sex was to be done only in a committed relationship. I can count on one hand the number of women I had vaginal intercourse with prior to marrying Sybil. However, she lumps all sex to the same level of intimacy. Let' s be clear: I was not some slut running around bagging every babe I could. For the most part, I could usually be found in a committed relationship. So last night I endured a two hour long interrogation into my past sexual proclivities. Fun stuff!

It started with her hearing from one of her girlfriends about some happenings at the local middle school. Apparently, some of the kids play a game called "rainbow." The idea is to get as many different shades of lipstick on a guys penis from as many girls as possible. She also learned about "tossed salad." The whole thing was both fascinating and repulsive to her. Sybil has a hard time understanding how people can be so blase about oral sex. These kids were going so far as to have anal sex to maintain virginity.

This led to the deep discussion of my rough and rowdy past. However, the biggest thing was the fact I couldn't remember the first time I had sex with my girlfriends (there were four of them). I told her that it was a long time ago for me, and I had closed that chapter of my life. I had chosen not to remember those days. She couldn't believe I had forgotten that. Next thing I know, she says, "If we ever got divorced, you'll probably forget ours too." Now, I haven't forgotten our first time. I even described it to her. Of course, I couldn't help thinking, "If we get divorced, I'm going to try to forget as much as I can." I doubt me saying that would have helped my cause.

Never a dull moment with Sybil.

Resentment and Letting Go

Had another one with Sybil last night. Basically, the thing was set into motion by my reaction. She had called to ask me to do something. I told I had already done it. She said, "Oh really, how did you do it?" Now, my little brain heard "Oh really, I bet you screwed it up." Sybil says she was not trying to pick a fight, belittle me, or anything. I told her that what I really wanted to hear was "Oh really, I was hoping you would do that" or something along those lines. She became extremely annoyed with me because I would not give the great detail she desired. She felt I was being defensive and had my shields up. Upon reflection, I guess I did.

In the past, I have had to endure criticism for everything I've done from Sybil. From the way I speak to people in public to the way I fold clothes. Forgive me, if I'm a little defensive. The sad part is I did this small, little task in love and hoping for acknowledgement. In that area, I failed. How does one let go of resentment? How does one change how one reacts to another person? How does one retool their thinking and behavior? How does one let go of the past?

I have not been the nicest person of late. My fuse has become exceedingly short. I do not like that about myself. Yet, I seem unable to change my reactions. As I ponder the causes, I can come up with a list of potential issues. However, I have to take responsibility for it. Living with someone with a short fuse is no piece of cake. I have first hand knowledge of it. Sybil's fuse has always been short. She has improved, but I've been to wrapped up in my petty resentment to see it. Now I must get better.

Sybil will always be a critic. I cannot change that. However, I must not allow someone else to dictate my behavior. That is the trick. The closer someone is, the more influence they have.

I'm Back!

Survived these few days off. Sybil and I only had a couple of minor blow-ups. As always, it boiled down to me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I won't bore with details. Except, I was in the wrong. I apologized; she accepted; and we moved on. She didn't feel the need to deliver an hour long lecture on what I "should" and "need" do to better myself.

Also, I had a birthday during my time off. I'm old enough to know better, yet young enough to do it. It was low key. Son #1 had baseball practice.

We didn't really do much this time off. Of course, I didn't get to do enough of my "selfish pursuits." It's not my fault Sybil doesn't want to join in. I'm supposed to sit back and act happy about spending an hour and a half looking at athletic shoes with her. Unfortunately, she'll never use them as they were intended. If I brought this up, I'm sure I would have another lecture on what I "should" and "need" do.

On a happy note, Sybil and I had some pretty decent sex. That seems to be the one area where we don't have too many blow-ups. Except for oral sex: she is too self-conscious and doesn't want me to start expecting it. I did get a BJ on my birthday. I guess it'll be next year before the next one. I think it is a control issue for her.

Speaking of sex, Sybil and I got onto the topic of whether I prefer oral sex or vaginal sex. I stated oral. From a purely physical sensation, oral sex is much better (especially if she swallows...another post on another day). If that makes me perverted, sue me. I explained that the mouth is much more versatile than a vagina. The sensations are much more mind-blowing than vaginal. Personally, my favorite position is 69 with the woman on top. I let her know that, and I wanted to try it again. She said we had, and she didn't like it. Of course, that was about 10 years ago. However, I do think vaginal intercourse produces an emotional connection that is stronger than oral. When I was dating, I wouldn't have vaginal intercourse with a woman unless we were pretty serious. I'm not sure why this comes as a surprise to her. I've been very consistent in this view. I guess it's her "hang-up." We all have them.

I hope everyone has a great Easter holiday. See ya!

My 100 Things About Me

Well, I'm going to take a break from Sybil bashing and post my 100 things about me. Things are going pretty good between us right now. I am working on communicating and confronting my issues with her. She is working on patience and understanding. Anyway, I wanted to get this in before our next blow-up. Without further ado:

1. I am extremely likeable in person.
2. I can talk to anyone about anything.
3. I can be a great BSer, in terms of number 2.
4. Although I am sociable, I like my solitude.
5. I love the world, but I don't always like the people in it.
6. My kids are my foundation.
7. Sybil and I "had" to get married because she became pregnant after dating about 6 months.
8. Although we've had our ups and downs, I'd say we've done very well considering number 7.
9. All of my children were "surprises."
10. I love being outside.
11. My job keeps me inside.
12. I am highly educated.
13. Sometimes I'm not too bright.
14. I have a pilot's license and an instrument rating.
15. With a wife and 3 kids, I don't get to fly much.
16. I wish I had listened to my father and joined the Army.
17. I wanted to be in tanks and blow things up.
18. I have a tattoo.
19. It is my fraternity letters with crossed swords.
20. I did it before tattoos were "cool."
21. I worry about my past sins being visited upon my children (what goes around comes around).
22. This might be way too introspective.
23. My mother was a nut job until I moved out of the house.
24. I don't see the correlation.
25. I have communication issues.
26. I fear rejection.
27. I have self-esteem problems.
28. Numbers 25, 26, and 27 make it hard to open up with Sybil.
29. Don't laugh; you'll just encourage me.
30. I love baseball much more now that my sons play it.
31. I've always loved football ( both playing and watching).
32. I kind of hope my sons don't play it.
33. I have the habit of saying exactly the wrong thing.
34. I love to make people laugh.
35. I used to be laid back.
36. I don't know what changed me.
37. I'm trying to get back there.
38. I learned in college that love doesn't conquer all.
39. Indians can be racist.
40. I used to love to drink.
41. Not so much anymore.
42. I love a good cigar.
43. The public schools made sure to turn my children against my cigars.
44. I never smoked in the house.
45. I used to think of myself as perverted.
46. Thanks to some blogs I've read (not on my roll BTW, LOL!), I no longer do.
47. I believe pornography destroys.
48. Man, as I get older I get much more conservative.
49. I loath both political parties.
50. I voted Libertarian in 2004.
51. I'll probably do it again in 2008.
52. I think the government is evil.
53. I'm over half done.
54. I'm fairly easy to please.
55. I don't have high expectations.
56. I work too much.
57. I'm too much in debt not to.
58. I fear poverty.
59. I grew up poor (lower middle class).
60. My mother and father smoked like chimneys, yet mom couldn't afford a winter coat.
61. People have their priorities out of whack.
62. After New Year's Eve I can only drink beer.
63. Since getting out of college and earning an income, I can no longer drink cheap beer.
64. Sybil is Chinese.
65. Sometimes that creates friction because of different cultures, although she came to the US when she was six (legally, I might add).
66. My kids are better athletes than I was.
67. I'm wrapped around my daughter's finger.
68. I'm not sure I'll get to 100.
69. I don't have any regrets.
70. I think people get divorced too soon.
71. My family has communication issues.
72. I don't get enough exercise.
73. I wish I only needed five hours of sleep.
74. I love Spring.
75. My birthday is in the Spring.
76. I tend to be cynical. That's why I have low expectations of people.
77. I blog; therefore, I am.
78. I'm always surprised someone comments on one of my posts.
79. Sometimes I think this blog is too negative.
80. I am a closet optimist.
81. I wanted to be a marine biologist.
82. I sunburn too easily.
83. The only positive comment from my mother-in-law is that I have nice ears.
84. I'll take what I can get.
85. The good thing about my parents-in-law is that I can't understand most of what they say.
86. I dream of backpacking the AT.
87. With three kids, a lot of debt and a wife, it'll never happen.
88. Ironically, I'm a man of leisure.
89. Although it's near the bottom, I do love my wife.
90. Sometimes I wish she'd go away.
91. She can be a nag.
92. As I get older, I can't lay in the bed for very long.
93. That sucks.
94. One good thing about blogging is the catharsis.
95. It keeps me from getting much work done.
96. I need to take more time off.
97. I've never been to Disney World.
98. I received my first blow job whilst my family was gone to Disney World. I was 16.
99. I've loved them ever since.
100. Finally, my last one.

There ya go. Have a good weekend. I'm on vacation next week (finally). I don't know how much I'll be blogging.

Do Opposites Attract, and Is It a Good Thing?

How do we actually get to know our spouse? It is very hard during the dating time, because there is a lot emotion tied in with it. Also, we think these differences are cute and interesting. We fall into the trap of thinking we'll somehow change their mind (or them). We delude ourselves into thinking that the issue won't become a big deal. I'm here to tell you that after years of being together, they can become a real pain the arse.

Sybil and I have many differences. Naturally, we have some likenesses. Unfortunately, these likenesses are of a big picture, general sense. I can sum up Sybil's and my differences thusly: she lacks a sense of adventure. Examples:

1. I really enjoy backpacking. I could go every chance I get. There a "zenful" feeling of hiking 8 to 10 miles and then sleeping in a tent. Sybil has never and will never do that. I'm left going by myself. She feels it is too much work and effort for very little reward. Of course having never done it, how does she know?
2. I really enjoy roller coasters. We have a rather large amusement park nearby. They have two roller coasters and several other rides. Unless we go with some friends of ours, I usually have to ride them by myself. Luckily, Daughter also enjoys riding them, so that helps. Sybil has only ridden one twice, and it was like pulling teeth.
   
3. I enjoy flying. I've had my pilot's license for about 4 years now. I dream of loading Sybil and me up and taking off for some place fun. She always uses the kids as excuse. What will do about them (the planes I fly only carry 4 people not the 5 needed)? Of course, we could work around that, but she sees no point. It's a big hassle to her.
4. I would like to take the family to the beach. She sees it as too much effort. She sees it as too expensive. However, she will entertain the notion of spending over $2000 on a new couch for the basement, which is nothing but a playroom for the kids and their friends.
5. I enjoy sexual experimentation. I'm not talking about 3somes or barnyard animals or anything like that. I'd settle for oral sex or anything other than the missionary position she enjoys. I have to come up with anything new. I have to put the effort into it. Although she would let me have sex with her every day, willingly, I want more than that. I want her to take the initiative. I want her to open her mind up.
   

Now, before anyone says I need to tell her. I have. Many times. She will justify herself one way or another and refuses to listen. Sybil will barely entertain anything that upsets the status quo. She will not accept that side of me and want to share in it. She just writes me off as being crazy or weird. No matter how many times I talk to her about how I feel, Sybil will use any excuse to stop herself from doing it. It's like she has no zest or zeal for life.

Opposites may attract, but I'm not sure it is a good thing. Being in a relationship with someone completely different is normal. I wouldn't want to be married to someone just like me. However, there must be that common thread. That bond. That wanting to share in all of the experiences of being with the person one loves. Sybil has no desire to share in any of that with me.

Breakthrough

Well, Wednesday afternoon we finally kissed and made up. I opened up my inner problems of feeling stressed all of the time. The stress was/is making me have anger issues. Little things that Sybil does would irritate the crap out of me until I would make a snarky comment. Sybil was/is worried that I am shutting her out. Truth be told, I kind of was. Ironically, it is far easier to open up on a public forum than to the woman I love. Kind of sad in a way. She is also worried that I won't put her first or communicate with her about things. These things aren't even part of our emotional life but even mundane things (to me). Again, there is a lot truth to that. I have a definite problem with communication. Sybil says I treat her on a "need to know basis." I would say that I simply forget to tell her. However, perception is reality. I have things to work on.

Sybil has started to understand that she, also, has some responsibility for how things are. I have made it plain to her that she cannot talk down to me. Period. She seemed to have no clue that she did this. Again, my not communicating my frustrations and irritations to her doesn't help.

Despite our progress, I cannot help but wonder how much is hormonal. I doubt me bringing up this concern will be helpful. Sybil will say I'm shirking responsibility for my behavior. It is ironic that the calmness we are enjoying comes a day or two after her period is over.

Thank you for all of your comments and concern. The kind of strangers.

I Assume Too Much

Don't ever assume because that makes an ASS out of U and ME. Apparently, things are not all right. Sybil told me today that she is not over all the events that have occurred. She asked me if I had not noticed that she was less "touchy-feely"? To tell the truth, no. I've hardly been alone with Sybil, since last week. Let's run down the last few day's events:

• Friday - We had sleepovers, so instead of 3 kids, we had 3 extra kids.
  
• Saturday - We had 6 kids to deal with all morning.
• Saturday afternoon - I took Son#2 to his all afternoon baseball tournament. Got home around 9:00 pm and very tired. She took our other 2 kids plus the 2 others to the nearby city (around 40 minutes away) for shopping and to get out of the house. They got home around 10:30. We all went to bed.
• Sunday - I got everyone up and moving that morning. Sybil took the 2 extra kids plus our older 2 to church. I took Son#2 to finish his baseball tournament. Afterwards, I took him to grab a bite to eat and then to my office. I spent the next 3 hours shampooing the carpets. She took Son#1 to his youth activities, and I took the younger 2 back home. I came down with a massive cold that night and had no sleep.
• Monday - After work I ran a couple of errands (one for Sybil and one for me), went home, and went bed by 7:30 pm (no sleep the night before). She took Son #2 to another baseball game and didn't get home until around 10:00 pm.

Until today, I had been planning a trip to the beach during the kids' Spring Break. No one else in the family has ever been to the beach, so I figure it'll be fun besides we've never really been on a real vacation. Being the blissfully ignorant fool that I am, I think things are going along pretty good. Sybil informs me that she doesn't want to go on a vacation with me, especially given how I've treated her over the past. "Do you really think a vacation will smooth things over with her?" she asks. I tell her that I had no intention of using a vacation to butter her up but for the reasons given above. She tells me that she doesn't want to go with me and didn't I know from the way she has been acting towards me? I tell her that I've barely seen her, so no I didn't know.

When does it end? Sybil has already had her pound of flesh, right? To her I treat her badly and she treats me so well. Ultimately, it is my fault. I have not been demanding enough of her and have let her take me for granted.

Sybil, is that you?

Well, we survived the weekend with our marriage intact. I had my doubts, but here we are. Wife back to her normal self. She is happy and relatively easy going. I'm left asking WTF? She continues the pattern of approximately 5 to 7 days before her period of becoming a bitch from hell.

So, from now on her name is Sybil.

Developing...

Smackdown

Had it out with Wife last night. Nothing was really resolved. I'm still the reason our marriage is in the crapper. It seems I don't care enough. Why does she have this feeling? It has to with last week's comment. I showed her no respect in front of her friends at the spa. To top it all off, I did not keep bringing it up after Friday. She has declared our marriage dead. Wife will love me enough to go through the motions but not love me with her whole heart, whatever that means. But, the icing on the cake was my lack of caring about it enough to bring up the situation (again) after Thursday's and Friday's discussions. She said she basically wants a divorce (or will "love me just enough").

If Wife has a problem with me, shouldn't she be the one to bring it up? All of this over a comment. I asked her, if there was a chance of regaining her love. She answered with a cryptic, "What do you think?" She thanked me for teaching her to put her guard up and that was it. I can understand her frustration, but when does it end?

Developing...

Nothin' New

Not much different going on here. Wife and I are keeping things superficial. I really hate confrontation, but I know I will have to take initiative. The thing that happened last Thursday is still reverberating today. I'm not sure I can get over it.

1. How does one get over being called rude and inconsiderate at nearly every turn?
2. How does one get over being berated over a stupid comment over and over?
3. How does one get over the anger and blow-ups?
4. How does deal with the stress of work and the greater stress of living with someone like Wife?

I know Wife feels the same way in many ways. She blames me for all that is wrong in the marriage, not that I'm ducking responsibility.

I grew up living with a woman that threw tantrums on a fairly regular basis. Am I doomed to live with someone like that?

Happy Anniversary/St. Patty's Day

Today is my parent's 40th Anniversary. Pretty amazing stuff, when viewed in light of the high divorce rate that started in their generation. As I reflect on their marriage, I ask myself: how does a couple stay married for that long without one killing the other and trying to hide the body?

As chronicled here in this blog, my marriage has its definite ups and downs. Last night we had another fight until about 2:00am, so if my post makes no sense, please forgive me. What did we fight about? A very small comment made by me during a moment of frustration. It was snarky, but did it warrant an argument lasting until the wee hours? No. Wife was trying to find out how she can get her full spa day and get to Son #1's teacher meeting at the same time with me saying there is no way she can do it, she just needs to cancel it, and finally saying, "I didn't get to do what I wanted to, either" (that was the comment I made). It was out of frustration because she was did not want to inconvenience the spa staff (by leaving a hole in their schedule at the last minute), thought these meetings never start on time (we were a minute late and the teacher called her on her cell phone to check on us), and thought I could handle it (yes, but I doubt to her specifications). That was our fight.

This morning as I sit and think about my parents. I look back at the fights they had. I realize it is normal to some degree, but at what point does one say screw it and leave? Is there ever a reason for divorce? My faith tells me of only one: adultery. However, this morning as I'm dropping the kids off as she sleeps, I can only think of three reasons: my kids. As much as it pains me to say it, I am tired of being berated for comments made "in the heat of battle." I can understand her stating her irritation, which would be met with my heart-felt apology. However, I do not think I take much more of this.

It seems to me, dear readers, that the best way to screw up a relationship is to marry and have kids. The stresses of living with someone, raising kids, trying to further a career, etc. may be too much. All of this tends to kill the joys of being together. The lasting scars of these conflicts are becoming too much for me (and I think for her, but she will not bear any responsibility for her part in it and just blames me). I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. I'll never understand how my parents did it.

Straw Poll

In a way I'm blessed with a wife that enjoys sex. Also, Wife is a knockout on the outside. Unfortunately, we're never happy with what we have, are we? The problem is that the sex is rather boring. I make a move on her, she takes her clothes off, and lays on her back, expectantly. She makes a move on me and the same thing happens. Although this is enjoyable after a dry spell, I would like a little more...um...effort. All of the foreplay is done by me. She would rather "get it on." Wife seems not to want/need much of a warm-up. Coupled with some serious hang-ups, and one gets boring sex.

The straw poll:

Would you rather have fantastic sex with an ordinary appearing person, OR would you rather have ordinary sex with a fantastic looking person?

Personally, I'd rather have the fantastic sex, because quantity is no substitute for quality.

Quandary

At first I was going to post about needs and expectations, but something happened this weekend to push that onto the back burner.

We have a church friend (friend 1), who went through a sudden divorce about 6 months ago. Almost immediately after the break-up, she started dating another guy. One thing led to another and now they are supposed to be getting married. Unfortunately, it has come to Wife's attention that the friend's boyfriend/fiance has issues. It has filtered to Wife that he answers the friend's cell phone, will not let her leave his sight, and, I think, physically threatened her. To complicate things further, Wife heard all of this through a mutual friend (friend 2). It is obvious to Wife and me that friend 1 is in an abusive relationship, if the facts hold up.

Friday Wife was alone with our Associate Pastor (AP) and told him the story. He became quite concerned and wanted to speak with Friend 2 to make sure he was getting the facts straight. On Sunday morning, after church, AP and friend 2 have a conversation. This conversation leads him to her that he will be contacting Safe Space and meeting with a representative at friend 1's workplace. The idea being to save her from the guy.

quandary: Wife is racked with guilt because of

1. Betrayed friend 2's confidence.
2. The situation may be nothing more than a misunderstanding.
3. Wife may be spreading rumors.

I have told Wife repeatedly that she did the right thing. If it is all a misunderstanding, then she can ask for forgiveness and all will be well. If not, then she may have saved someone from years of pain. I keep spouting the Edmond Burke quote: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." It may help, but seems to do little to assuage her guilt. I don't know what else to say.

Amazing!

WIND!


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Thanks to shining star.

Aftermath

After I posted the last entry, Wife woke up, when I came back to bed. We argued for about another hour or so. She apologized for waking me up and said that she was not trying to be critical but wanted to know what had not been done for the cleaning lady. The "discussion" boiled down to me asking her what she considered my obligations were. Is it fair to expect me to take on the stress of earning enough money to keep up our standard of living and do 50% of the domestic stuff. Her answer was vague. She considered my obligation to do whatever was needed for the family. I kind of thought I was already.

HTN made an interesting comment. Basically, since I work roughly 10 hours a day earning our money, how much time does she spend on domestic chores? Although Wife does work about 3 or 4 hours a day in the office doing bookkeeping, she does not spend another 6 or 7 hours a day doing domestic chores.

A good snapshot of her day starts with her getting out of bed at around 8:30 am. Wife says she is up at 7:30 (when the kids and I leave), but I rarely see that. She has to sip her coffee while she watches her inane morning shows. It takes her a good hour to get ready for the day, although I admit the effect is stunning. So it is now anywhere from 9:30 to 10:30 am. Now, she does not take time here to straighten the house. The same dishes in the sink will be there, when I come home tonight. For the next 5 hours she will either:

a. Come to the office and work on the bookkeeping
b. Go to the church to do whatever volunteer work that needs to be done.
c. Go to the school to do whatever volunteer work that needs to be done.
d. Shop
c. Anything else that will keep her from home.

At the 3:00 pm she picks up the kids and takes them to whatever after school activities they are doing. At 5:30 to 6:00 I help with running the kids around. Except the first Tuesday of the month. Wife does bonko on that night, so I have to run to all of the various activities without her help.

Yet, Wife will get bent out of shape, if I say she does nothing at home. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Now, don't get me wrong: if she were earning the money and I stayed home, then I would be expected to do the majority of the housework. I totally agree that housework is drudgery but so is any other job. Get over it.

I'm a little bitter. I do not think Wife is keeping her end of the bargain. Is it fair to expect me to earn all of the money and do half of the housework? You tell me.

She Won't Get It

After a long, hard day's work, I finally get to go to bed. I've been asleep for about an hour, when the Wife comes in. She makes a lot of noise in preparation for going to bed. See, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow, so we have to make sure the house is clean. Anyway, I am half asleep, but unbeknownst to me, I am getting the third degree. She, in her rapid fire way, asks, "What did you do, when you got home?" "Why didn't you put up the laundry, the dishes,etc." Meanwhile, I am laying there thinking, "What the hell is going on?" I even ask her twice is there a problem?

A little background information to help set the scene is in order. I work about ten hours a day in a rather stressful occupation which is also my own business. Wife is a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). Each day I get myself and our three kids up, ready and dropped off at school. Wife lays in bed. She might be conscious, when I leave (most times not). We have hired a cleaning woman to come every other week to clean the house; my dress clothes (for work) are sent to a laundry (no ironing); she never cooks; and we rarely have any food in the house.

Because of last fight, I went to this website and downloaded this questionnaire. We each filled it out. She basically said that I don't communicate with her and don't listen to her. Fair enough. I'd say that was a pretty fair assessment, and I am working to improve. My answers revealed that she doesn't show me admiration and does not provide for my domestic needs. She took great umbrage to me saying that she doesn't provide for my domestic needs. We argued for a long time about that. Wife could never really see the light.

So now it is very late (or very early depending on one's point of view). I am pissed off. I am unable to go back to sleep, yet Wife is sound asleep. I was rudely awoken out of a sound sleep and grilled about my activities tonight. When asked why she was home so late from a cooking class, Wife answered they stayed around talking about ghosts. When asked why she didn't call to let me know what's up, she answered that she didn't want to seem rude by leaving the conversation. Lame.

A lot of the blogs I read talk about the lack of physical intimacy, and that is important. In a marriage, there are other things that just as important.

Tagged

I've been tagged by shining star and daddy's lil girl for seven songs that I'm into right now.

In no particular order:

1. Wake Me When September Ends - Greenday
2. Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies
3. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
4. Flake - Jack Johnson
5. Carmina Burana: O Fortuna - Boston Symphony
6. Boom, Like That - Mark Knopfler
7. Float On - Modest Mouse

Now for seven people:

I'm not sure I know seven bloggers, so I'll send it out to seven people who stop by.

A Year's Worth of Bloggin'

What have I learned in a year's worth of blogging? Too much? Not enough? FTN wondered how blogging has helped me.

I started this blog because I needed a venue to vent my frustrations and emotions. Venting with Wife doesn't work too well. She, like me, wants to solve the problem rather than listen with a sympathetic ear. Besides, most of the stuff I vent about (~90%) is about Wife and our marriage. I want us to have a happy marriage, but it seems we are never quite there.

My list of things I've learned (in no particular order):
1. I'm rather lonely. Kind of sad isn't it? My life is spent working and running with the kids. I don't have time for relationships outside our family. I have one guy friend, and he works more than I do. Blogging has helped me feel connected.
2. I'm probably something of an enabler. I tend to let Wife run roughshod over me. At the end of the day, I simply do not have the energy to fight her over things that are annoying me. Someday I may have to face facts.
3. I'm patient. I can put up with a lot of crap. Self-explanatory to anyone who reads this blog.
4. Although Wife is borderline verbally abusive at times and has a definite psychoness about her, it could be worse. Right? I might not want to dwell too much into that.
5. I have a secret side. We all do. Wife could not handle the things I write here or the comments posted. Let's keep it a secret, shall we?

Writing this blog has been fun. I had a more political blog, but it became boring for numerous reasons. Since Wife and I tend to fight like cats and dogs (I haven't posted about this weekend's long, running gunfight), I'll never run out of material. Unless we divorce. I'm too stubborn to admit failure, so we'll keep plugging along.