Well, it seems Taja and Squared1 are signing off. Just as I was get to know them, they up and leave. That's the blogosphere for you. I have another blog that dealt more with political issues. Although it's still up and running, I don't write for it any more. I had lost the need. Foolish Mutterings started as a way for me to vent about Wife. It has been very cathartic. Wife and I will always have our ups and downs, but we'll make it (hopefully). Right now, I like this blog. I don't have any intentions of stopping it. As the manifesto says, it was always about venting my spleen. My spleen always has something to vent about.
So, I'll have to change the ol' blogroll to reflect the changes. I hope those two keep in touch, as they have been very helpful to me.
The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven. The Great Divorce. C.S. Lewis
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
At Least an Ogre has Layers
Digger says he is becoming an orc. He relates an incident involving some differences of opinion about how to spend some money. He totally flips out. I can relate.
Naturally, children were involved. Wife was asked to help watch the nursery at church Wednesday afternoon. The kids were at their swim team practice. Since we go to church Wednesday nights and the community center (where they practice) is about a block away, she asked them to walk from the center to church and stay together. I must say our kids are awesome (aged 12, 9, and today 7). They are well mannered, smart, and a joy to be around. We have tried to instill a sense of responsibility into them. Anyway, I asked if I should leave work early to pick them up. She said no; they'll be ok walking. I leave work slightly earlier than usual. She calls to check on my status and asks me to keep an eye for the kids, since their route was on my way. Since they should have left 30 minutes earlier and their route is totally crime free (it runs by the police station), I said I hadn't thought about them and what was the big deal? She gave me an attitude and said, "Whatever." This provoked me for some reason. I became angry. When I got to church, she asked me to find the kids and make sure they are ok. I did but not in a pleasant manner. I acted like a total jerk (at church no less. Maybe I should go more often).
Although I should not have let my emotions get the better of me, I never worried about the kids' safety. As a matter of fact, a friend from said swim team (who goes to our church) tried to give them a ride. They were emphatic about saying no. They walked the whole way. Wife maintains I should have worried about the kids. What sane person wouldn't. I know times change and we hear about child abductions, murder, etc., but I knew they were safe. However, Wife totally fretted about it. Needless to say, we got into a major fight. I do feel bad about acting like an ogre towards her; I'm just not sure worrying about the kids was warranted.
Naturally, children were involved. Wife was asked to help watch the nursery at church Wednesday afternoon. The kids were at their swim team practice. Since we go to church Wednesday nights and the community center (where they practice) is about a block away, she asked them to walk from the center to church and stay together. I must say our kids are awesome (aged 12, 9, and today 7). They are well mannered, smart, and a joy to be around. We have tried to instill a sense of responsibility into them. Anyway, I asked if I should leave work early to pick them up. She said no; they'll be ok walking. I leave work slightly earlier than usual. She calls to check on my status and asks me to keep an eye for the kids, since their route was on my way. Since they should have left 30 minutes earlier and their route is totally crime free (it runs by the police station), I said I hadn't thought about them and what was the big deal? She gave me an attitude and said, "Whatever." This provoked me for some reason. I became angry. When I got to church, she asked me to find the kids and make sure they are ok. I did but not in a pleasant manner. I acted like a total jerk (at church no less. Maybe I should go more often).
Although I should not have let my emotions get the better of me, I never worried about the kids' safety. As a matter of fact, a friend from said swim team (who goes to our church) tried to give them a ride. They were emphatic about saying no. They walked the whole way. Wife maintains I should have worried about the kids. What sane person wouldn't. I know times change and we hear about child abductions, murder, etc., but I knew they were safe. However, Wife totally fretted about it. Needless to say, we got into a major fight. I do feel bad about acting like an ogre towards her; I'm just not sure worrying about the kids was warranted.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Best Blond Joke Ever
As a blond (alas, with a sprinkling of gray), I have found the best blond joke around. This joke will really get you laughing. I'm usually the last person on the planet to hear a joke. Maybe not this time?
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Forgive but Forget?
The comments to my last post was enlightening. It seems that past history dictates the reaction to current events. In the past, I have been lax about calling Wife. When I am running behind schedule, I tend to get focused and totally block out other things that are going on. While this might have some advantages, one of the big disadvantages is forgetting to call Wife because I lost track of time. mom of 3 wrote: It sounds like something else is at the root of her bitchiness. Do you have a habit of not calling when you know that your wife expects a phone call? Does the lack of calling indicate to her that you don't care about her? This really struck home.
In the past I have been late calling. Instead of 5:30 it would be 6:00pm. I am at work. It's hard for me to stop what I'm doing, call her, and pick it right back up. Also, if I call her while I'm doing whatever, either I can't give her 100% of my attention (which really pisses her off) or it takes me longer to finish. It is not a situation of being out with the boys and coming home late (she does that with her monthly bonko night; a night with the gals means she won't be home until after midnight). So, after much discussion, she came realize that I get finished faster and am home faster, if she leaves me alone.
Does that make me selfish. Yeah, I guess so. I think a better description would be multi-tasking issues.
In and of itself, the episode has little meaning, yet it does. I've written two posts on the subject.
In the past I have been late calling. Instead of 5:30 it would be 6:00pm. I am at work. It's hard for me to stop what I'm doing, call her, and pick it right back up. Also, if I call her while I'm doing whatever, either I can't give her 100% of my attention (which really pisses her off) or it takes me longer to finish. It is not a situation of being out with the boys and coming home late (she does that with her monthly bonko night; a night with the gals means she won't be home until after midnight). So, after much discussion, she came realize that I get finished faster and am home faster, if she leaves me alone.
Does that make me selfish. Yeah, I guess so. I think a better description would be multi-tasking issues.
In and of itself, the episode has little meaning, yet it does. I've written two posts on the subject.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
SSDD
First of all, thank you for those that bothered to post about Desperate Housewives. There is hope out there. Wife's friends might be a wee bit on the shallow side?
Today's post is about dealing with chronic bitchiness. We all do it, to some degree. Men do it as well as women. Do women do it more than men? I don't know. Men tend to internalize their problems. Verbally expressing himself is not a man's strong suit. Women are much better verbalizing. I think that is why women, generally, do a better job arguing.
The reason I bring this up is Wife's preponderance towards bitchiness. I might be waaay off base. I might be in the wrong. I don't know. Lemme give you an example. Yesterday, I was to pick up the two older kids from an after school event. Although I am usually finished with work by 5:00, I may not actually be out of the office until after 5:30. Anyway, I got the kids no problem. We stopped at a local fast food joint for greaseball food. Wife calls me for a status report. I tell her our status; I ask how things are going with her (youngest child was at a birthday party). Fine she says. Then she lets me have for not calling her and letting her know, if I had picked up the kids. I had some lame excuse, because it never really crossed my mind. I'm the type that if I delegate something, I tend to mentally cross it off my list.
Fast forward a couple of hours. I knew that she was irritated with me for not informing her of our status. Since she had not come home yet, I had the two older kids help pick up the house. I figured I might score some brownie points by her coming home to a neat house. No dice. She comes home and wants to continue our discussion about why I failed to call her about the status of the kids. I apologize and said I tried to make it up to her by straightening up the house. Wife makes a snarky comment about not starting until I heard her car. Again, I apologize and tell her that it never really crossed my mind to call her, but since it was a big deal to her, I will not do that in the future. Of course, this does not satisfy her. We have to have a 30 minute discussion on my failing to keep her informed and making her worry.
This incident, in and of itself, is no big deal. It is indicative of how things are between us. I can see her point, but she makes big deal out of everything. It has come to such a point that I'm starting to avoid her. I get tired of the constant conflict over miniscule crap. I get tired of rehashing old arguments. This is really taking its toll on me. I haven't posted a lot of what has been going on, because I get tired of sounding like a broken record.
Ironically, everyone loves her. Everyone thinks she is the greatest person. She is kind and patient with everyone except the kids and me. Especially me.
Maybe the problem is me. Am I inconsiderate? That's what she keeps saying. Yet, she has no problem with all of the good things I do for her. Who's the inconsiderate one?
Today's post is about dealing with chronic bitchiness. We all do it, to some degree. Men do it as well as women. Do women do it more than men? I don't know. Men tend to internalize their problems. Verbally expressing himself is not a man's strong suit. Women are much better verbalizing. I think that is why women, generally, do a better job arguing.
The reason I bring this up is Wife's preponderance towards bitchiness. I might be waaay off base. I might be in the wrong. I don't know. Lemme give you an example. Yesterday, I was to pick up the two older kids from an after school event. Although I am usually finished with work by 5:00, I may not actually be out of the office until after 5:30. Anyway, I got the kids no problem. We stopped at a local fast food joint for greaseball food. Wife calls me for a status report. I tell her our status; I ask how things are going with her (youngest child was at a birthday party). Fine she says. Then she lets me have for not calling her and letting her know, if I had picked up the kids. I had some lame excuse, because it never really crossed my mind. I'm the type that if I delegate something, I tend to mentally cross it off my list.
Fast forward a couple of hours. I knew that she was irritated with me for not informing her of our status. Since she had not come home yet, I had the two older kids help pick up the house. I figured I might score some brownie points by her coming home to a neat house. No dice. She comes home and wants to continue our discussion about why I failed to call her about the status of the kids. I apologize and said I tried to make it up to her by straightening up the house. Wife makes a snarky comment about not starting until I heard her car. Again, I apologize and tell her that it never really crossed my mind to call her, but since it was a big deal to her, I will not do that in the future. Of course, this does not satisfy her. We have to have a 30 minute discussion on my failing to keep her informed and making her worry.
This incident, in and of itself, is no big deal. It is indicative of how things are between us. I can see her point, but she makes big deal out of everything. It has come to such a point that I'm starting to avoid her. I get tired of the constant conflict over miniscule crap. I get tired of rehashing old arguments. This is really taking its toll on me. I haven't posted a lot of what has been going on, because I get tired of sounding like a broken record.
Ironically, everyone loves her. Everyone thinks she is the greatest person. She is kind and patient with everyone except the kids and me. Especially me.
Maybe the problem is me. Am I inconsiderate? That's what she keeps saying. Yet, she has no problem with all of the good things I do for her. Who's the inconsiderate one?
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Misogyny or Am I a Fuddy-Duddy?
Wife is off with some of her friends at a Desperate Housewives (DH) get together. My question is why do so many women watch this show? It does nothing but portray women in a terrible light. Every stereotype is on the show. She loves the it. We usually sit down to watch it. I watch it to be with her and to take part in an activity that she enjoys. I don't get the fascination. Do women really love to see other women fail? Do they really enjoy seeing other women in a bad light? If so, why? How true to life is this terribly popular TV show?
For those who've not seen it: DH is about four women friends and their trials and tribulations. One is an overacheiving women who was a SAHM but wanted to get back "in the game," another is a busy-body who is terribly neurotic and annoying, another is an uptight Christian (who helped her husband die and is battling her son's homosexuality), another woman who is a total mercenary (she has an affair and is a mutually loveless marriage based on control) and last but not least is the narrator who committed suicide because she stole a young woman's baby and raised him as her own. All of this occurs on the same road. None of the characters seem to be decent. All are conniving and out to only achieve whatever goal they have in mind.
Is this show a window into a woman's psyche? If it is, I weep for my sons and there is no hope for Wife and me. I am truly interested in what others think, because I don't get it.
For those who've not seen it: DH is about four women friends and their trials and tribulations. One is an overacheiving women who was a SAHM but wanted to get back "in the game," another is a busy-body who is terribly neurotic and annoying, another is an uptight Christian (who helped her husband die and is battling her son's homosexuality), another woman who is a total mercenary (she has an affair and is a mutually loveless marriage based on control) and last but not least is the narrator who committed suicide because she stole a young woman's baby and raised him as her own. All of this occurs on the same road. None of the characters seem to be decent. All are conniving and out to only achieve whatever goal they have in mind.
Is this show a window into a woman's psyche? If it is, I weep for my sons and there is no hope for Wife and me. I am truly interested in what others think, because I don't get it.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Misc.
Hopefully, everyone survived the New Year. We barely did. We had some good friends over and had a good time...up to a point. Due to the stress this last year, the other husband and I decided we owed ourselves a good time. He brought stuff to make martinis. His wife, he and I got roaring drunk and passed out. Pretty sad, huh? One would think we were college freshmen. Wife had to take care of us. Not easy with us outweighing her by at least 60 pounds. This made for not a good New Year's Day on many levels. Very embarrassing. I will NEVER do that again.
The day after New Year's Day was terrible. Wife decided I did not love her, since I can't seem to remember anything. She points to this being a real problem with me not paying attention to her. I seem to be able to remember things I enjoy better than things she thinks are important. Possibly. I explained that I cannot remember anything "cold." I have to have something "jog" my memory. With my life, I have so many balls in the air at any given time; it is a wonder I remember to put on underwear. She did not buy it. We were up to 2:00am fighting about it. I REALLY hate when she chooses to do that. SHE doesn't get up early, take the kids to school, and go to work. Her day begins around lunch time. Anyway, we came to an accord. Patched things up and are moving on.
Sex was pretty good after the argument for a few days. Things seemed to be truckin' along. Unfortunately, my desire level has really dipped. I'm not sure why. I have a tremendous amount of stress at my office. Personal stress has barely diminished. Living with a type A, control issue, tenacious person can be taxing. Also, tax time is around the corner. This always adds to the tension.
I'm becoming more and more anti-social. When not at my office, I don't really want to talk to anyone. At times this includes Wife. Since I have to deal with the public in all its glory, dealing with the nagging from Wife gets to me after a while. I'm not like her; I won't stress out over everything. She does not understand. I feel myself withdrawing from her, the kids, even this blog. I try not to, but the daily grind seems to wear me down. In the Lord of the Rings by Tolkien, Bilbo states he feels like too little jam spread over too much bread. I know exactly how he feels. So what am I to do? Hang in there. It's like gas; it'll pass. Life is like a sine wave. There are highs and lows.
I think that's everything. I may have said more than I should have, but I feel a little better for saying it. Winter is so depressing.
The day after New Year's Day was terrible. Wife decided I did not love her, since I can't seem to remember anything. She points to this being a real problem with me not paying attention to her. I seem to be able to remember things I enjoy better than things she thinks are important. Possibly. I explained that I cannot remember anything "cold." I have to have something "jog" my memory. With my life, I have so many balls in the air at any given time; it is a wonder I remember to put on underwear. She did not buy it. We were up to 2:00am fighting about it. I REALLY hate when she chooses to do that. SHE doesn't get up early, take the kids to school, and go to work. Her day begins around lunch time. Anyway, we came to an accord. Patched things up and are moving on.
Sex was pretty good after the argument for a few days. Things seemed to be truckin' along. Unfortunately, my desire level has really dipped. I'm not sure why. I have a tremendous amount of stress at my office. Personal stress has barely diminished. Living with a type A, control issue, tenacious person can be taxing. Also, tax time is around the corner. This always adds to the tension.
I'm becoming more and more anti-social. When not at my office, I don't really want to talk to anyone. At times this includes Wife. Since I have to deal with the public in all its glory, dealing with the nagging from Wife gets to me after a while. I'm not like her; I won't stress out over everything. She does not understand. I feel myself withdrawing from her, the kids, even this blog. I try not to, but the daily grind seems to wear me down. In the Lord of the Rings by Tolkien, Bilbo states he feels like too little jam spread over too much bread. I know exactly how he feels. So what am I to do? Hang in there. It's like gas; it'll pass. Life is like a sine wave. There are highs and lows.
I think that's everything. I may have said more than I should have, but I feel a little better for saying it. Winter is so depressing.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Interesting comment
Satan seemed surprised that (S?)he has a "very well-developed sense of right and wrong". That struck a chord in me. Of anyone, Satan has intimate knowledge of the difference of right and wrong. Satan was God's favorite. His Morning Star. Satan had seen the wonders of God first hand. Unfortunately, Satan chose to be on the side of wrong. He hoped to dethrone God and take over. God gave him this world as his punishment.
Humans are always striving to do right. The problem is that humans are almost god-like. They can change the definition of right to whatever is right for them. This is the stumbling block of atheists. Since an atheist does not believe in a higher, benevolent deity, he/she can never truly know what is right (or good). He/she can only define it in terms that relate to him/herself. When man tries to define what is right/good in without knowledge of God, he will always fail. When man tries to make up what is right for him, we get war, the holocaust, income taxes, etc. Each of these examples were couched in terms that defined good without using God. Look where they have gotten us.
I do not believe there are any true atheists. A Satanist still believes in God. He just chooses not to worship him. Many may be agnostic. It seems to me that an agnostic is one that is afraid of the answers he/she will find in trying to find out, if there is a God or not. If there is truly a God, then everything he built his life on may be a farce. If there is not a God, then what is the purpose of life?
So when Satan made is post, at first blush it seemed surprising that Satan would have a "very well-developed sense of right and wrong". In reality, Satan would be have a very keen sense of right and wrong. He just always chooses to defy God and do wrong.
Humans are always striving to do right. The problem is that humans are almost god-like. They can change the definition of right to whatever is right for them. This is the stumbling block of atheists. Since an atheist does not believe in a higher, benevolent deity, he/she can never truly know what is right (or good). He/she can only define it in terms that relate to him/herself. When man tries to define what is right/good in without knowledge of God, he will always fail. When man tries to make up what is right for him, we get war, the holocaust, income taxes, etc. Each of these examples were couched in terms that defined good without using God. Look where they have gotten us.
I do not believe there are any true atheists. A Satanist still believes in God. He just chooses not to worship him. Many may be agnostic. It seems to me that an agnostic is one that is afraid of the answers he/she will find in trying to find out, if there is a God or not. If there is truly a God, then everything he built his life on may be a farce. If there is not a God, then what is the purpose of life?
So when Satan made is post, at first blush it seemed surprising that Satan would have a "very well-developed sense of right and wrong". In reality, Satan would be have a very keen sense of right and wrong. He just always chooses to defy God and do wrong.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
| You are a Social Moderate (50% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (81% permissive) You are best described as a:
Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test |
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Hiatus
I'm finally back with a little time for a quick post. Wife and I survived the move into our new office. We didn't kill each other. The only arguement was a 20 minute "discussion" of salad dressing. I brought take out from a local restaurant. We shared a gyro ceasar salad. I decided to play it safe and ordered the dressing on the side. Somehow this translated into me not really loving her. If I had, then I would have known she loves the salad swimming in dressing not on the side. I apologized for screwing up her lunch. The sarcasm was lost on her.
Otherwise the weight is starting to lift. This project has been so all encompassing that it had taken over our lives. We'll see how things go.
Right now, we're dealing with Wife having a problem with vertigo/dizziness. The GP thinks it may be viral. She has no other symptoms. She's on medrol dose pack and augmentin. She's been too out of it for the last week to cause a big ruckus.
It's late; I'll post more later.
Otherwise the weight is starting to lift. This project has been so all encompassing that it had taken over our lives. We'll see how things go.
Right now, we're dealing with Wife having a problem with vertigo/dizziness. The GP thinks it may be viral. She has no other symptoms. She's on medrol dose pack and augmentin. She's been too out of it for the last week to cause a big ruckus.
It's late; I'll post more later.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Comment
Danica was nice enough to post to my last entry:
I decided to answer that in an entry rather than a comment.
I've expressed to Wife how much I enjoy BJs; I've been verbal during the act; and I even expressed my undying gratitude afterwards. It comes back to the same thing: she does not want me expecting to get a BJ and therefore, taking her for granted.
May be the real issue is Wife feeling like I take her for granted. She has said so during our conversations. Do I? Probably. That is part of being married. Taking someone for granted is not necessarily bad. It means I can depend on her for certain things. I bring coffee to her every morning. If I don't, she'll probably at least wonder why. She's taking me for granted. Anyone, who has read this blog, can see she does take me for granted in not so innocuous ways, so a few more BJs isn't uncalled for, right?
When I was in college, I dated a girl, who loved to 69 and even swallowed. That is every guy's dream come true (sorry Danica). She dumped me. That's ok. The problem with previous sexual experiences is that I want to take all of the good parts and incorporate them into my relationship now. It doesn't work that way. The more I think upon it, the more I'm going to tell my kids that premarital sex isn't what it's cracked up to be. Ignorance is bliss. Bottom line: I love Wife, damnit. I have to let a lot go. Although it isn't anything weird or kinky, I will curtail it, because I am married to her.
Can you tell me in your own words how your wife giving you MORE blowjobs would help her control you??? I need to hear a man say it so I can tell the next one. If you read my post on silence, you would understand why I need this information. Please oh please!!!!
Have you told her what a blowjob means to you?
She is so fortunate to have you. Gee wiz!
I decided to answer that in an entry rather than a comment.
I've expressed to Wife how much I enjoy BJs; I've been verbal during the act; and I even expressed my undying gratitude afterwards. It comes back to the same thing: she does not want me expecting to get a BJ and therefore, taking her for granted.
May be the real issue is Wife feeling like I take her for granted. She has said so during our conversations. Do I? Probably. That is part of being married. Taking someone for granted is not necessarily bad. It means I can depend on her for certain things. I bring coffee to her every morning. If I don't, she'll probably at least wonder why. She's taking me for granted. Anyone, who has read this blog, can see she does take me for granted in not so innocuous ways, so a few more BJs isn't uncalled for, right?
When I was in college, I dated a girl, who loved to 69 and even swallowed. That is every guy's dream come true (sorry Danica). She dumped me. That's ok. The problem with previous sexual experiences is that I want to take all of the good parts and incorporate them into my relationship now. It doesn't work that way. The more I think upon it, the more I'm going to tell my kids that premarital sex isn't what it's cracked up to be. Ignorance is bliss. Bottom line: I love Wife, damnit. I have to let a lot go. Although it isn't anything weird or kinky, I will curtail it, because I am married to her.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Compatibility
A lot of the blogs I read speak of issues of sexual compatibility. The author writes about being with someone, who has different sexual tendencies. This is one area of conflict that is very personal and very difficult to resolve. It almost seems that we end up with a person incompatible in this arena. Why is that?
With Wife and me, we are close to being compatible with the only major exception being oral sex. Wife will give me blow jobs, although she likes to withhold them. She is afraid I would start expecting them. Maybe. I think it is a control issue. Wife tends to be a bit of a control freak (Duh, right?). She likes to dish BJs out as some kind of reward for being a good boy. Well, anyone reading much of this blog will correctly surmise that I ain't been gettin' any. I truly don't understand it, but I don't have the same control issues that she does. I keep hoping that she will realize that giving more BJs will help her control me. LOL! Anyway, Wife does play a mind game with the subject.
As for me performing on Wife, I love it. I can reach orgasm by just performing on her. Wife seems to enjoy it immensely. The problem is I almost have to "trick" her into it. I can't just use it as part of my foreplay bag o' tricks. Actually, she's not much into foreplay. I think it goes back to her control issues. She is afraid of losing control. Wife will only allow it, if she is in the mood. Anyone that reads this blog will see that is rare.
The answer to the question is that love is more important than sex. We love people that are different than us. They can really drive us nuts with their issues. Love is the overriding factor. We can put up with a lot of disappointment and frustration in the name of love. But still, I would like more oral sex.
With Wife and me, we are close to being compatible with the only major exception being oral sex. Wife will give me blow jobs, although she likes to withhold them. She is afraid I would start expecting them. Maybe. I think it is a control issue. Wife tends to be a bit of a control freak (Duh, right?). She likes to dish BJs out as some kind of reward for being a good boy. Well, anyone reading much of this blog will correctly surmise that I ain't been gettin' any. I truly don't understand it, but I don't have the same control issues that she does. I keep hoping that she will realize that giving more BJs will help her control me. LOL! Anyway, Wife does play a mind game with the subject.
As for me performing on Wife, I love it. I can reach orgasm by just performing on her. Wife seems to enjoy it immensely. The problem is I almost have to "trick" her into it. I can't just use it as part of my foreplay bag o' tricks. Actually, she's not much into foreplay. I think it goes back to her control issues. She is afraid of losing control. Wife will only allow it, if she is in the mood. Anyone that reads this blog will see that is rare.
The answer to the question is that love is more important than sex. We love people that are different than us. They can really drive us nuts with their issues. Love is the overriding factor. We can put up with a lot of disappointment and frustration in the name of love. But still, I would like more oral sex.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Change
Can people change? Can a leopard change its spots? I'm not sure. Wife and I, as anyone reading this blog can see, seem to keep going over the same ground over and over. She stays irritated at me for comments I make (or don't make); I stay irritated at her for being irritated at me. We are definitely different in many ways. She is a very detailed analytical person. She thinks about nuance. I, on the other hand, am much more of a big picture person. I really have to work to be detailed. I tend to say the first thing that pops into my mind. Invariably, this lands me in hot water.
Since the last post, things have gotten better. Wife did forgive me. Of course, we had to have a long talk into the wee hours of the morning. Who has to get up before the sun to get kids ready, self ready, and kids to school? Me. C'est la vie. Then she wonders why I'm so tired. She has no clue what it is like to survive on a consistent six hours of sleep.
Anyway, I do not believe people can really change. Just last night she gets irritated at me because she asked me what I thought of the Christmas card holder we used last year in the office. This was 11:30 pm, and I had been up since 6:30 am. I was tired. I said the first thing that crossed my mind, "I don't remember." She took umbrage to that, because I didn't even think for a few seconds before answering. OK, fine, whatever. The next morning she wondered why I didn't try to "get into her pants." She doesn't even realize what she does. But, neither do I. I continue to make the same mistakes with her as she does me.
The best anyone can hope for is to adapt to the situation. I must adapt to her and petty tirades. She must adapt to me and my verbal diarrhea. I think I can, but can she?
Since the last post, things have gotten better. Wife did forgive me. Of course, we had to have a long talk into the wee hours of the morning. Who has to get up before the sun to get kids ready, self ready, and kids to school? Me. C'est la vie. Then she wonders why I'm so tired. She has no clue what it is like to survive on a consistent six hours of sleep.
Anyway, I do not believe people can really change. Just last night she gets irritated at me because she asked me what I thought of the Christmas card holder we used last year in the office. This was 11:30 pm, and I had been up since 6:30 am. I was tired. I said the first thing that crossed my mind, "I don't remember." She took umbrage to that, because I didn't even think for a few seconds before answering. OK, fine, whatever. The next morning she wondered why I didn't try to "get into her pants." She doesn't even realize what she does. But, neither do I. I continue to make the same mistakes with her as she does me.
The best anyone can hope for is to adapt to the situation. I must adapt to her and petty tirades. She must adapt to me and my verbal diarrhea. I think I can, but can she?
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Forgiveness
One the greatest aspects of Christianity is the doctrine of forgiveness of sins. Jesus called us to forgive our brothers or we will not be forgiven. In this parable, Jesus talks of how we are called to keep forgiving those who do us wrong:
It does not matter how large or how small the transgression. We are instructed to forgive.
Forgiveness can be hard to do. There may be a lot of emotion tied into the hurt and anger. Letting go of that, for some, is next to impossible. This hurt takes on a life of its own. It grows and breathes and before one knows it, it takes over. By putting things into perspective and seeing the bigger picture, forgiving someone can be easier.
What about someone, who keeps on hurting me? It, simply, does not matter. We are supposed to forgive "not seven times, but seventy-seven times." In other words, we are to keep forgiving those who ask for it. Since we are all hopelessly flawed, we must forgive someone as another has forgiven us. We all go through life hurting others, either maliciously or inadvertently. Since we expect to be forgiven by that person and God for our transgressions and sins, we must forgive others theirs no matter what.
I bring all of this up because a successful marriage will need forgiveness. It can be needed from leaving the seat up to adultery. If one person in the marriage feels that he/she can no longer forgive, then it is in trouble. I fear that Wife is at this point. With my "foot in mouth disease" I am always saying the wrong thing. Sunday night, after much discussion, I said, "Alright, since you don't enjoy my mother visiting and it will be a stressful time, I'll tell her not to come." She, rightfully, say this as shifting the blame/guilt onto her. A huge fight ensued, and I apologized and asked for forgiveness. Two days later she is still barely speaking to me. They say time heals all wounds, but have I gone too far? What character flaw do I have to find the most assholish comment possible and say it? How can I over come this flaw? How do I get Wife to be a little more patient and understanding? Am I just screwed? Is she most of the problem? Does she need a pill? Do I need a pill?
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[b] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
It does not matter how large or how small the transgression. We are instructed to forgive.
Forgiveness can be hard to do. There may be a lot of emotion tied into the hurt and anger. Letting go of that, for some, is next to impossible. This hurt takes on a life of its own. It grows and breathes and before one knows it, it takes over. By putting things into perspective and seeing the bigger picture, forgiving someone can be easier.
What about someone, who keeps on hurting me? It, simply, does not matter. We are supposed to forgive "not seven times, but seventy-seven times." In other words, we are to keep forgiving those who ask for it. Since we are all hopelessly flawed, we must forgive someone as another has forgiven us. We all go through life hurting others, either maliciously or inadvertently. Since we expect to be forgiven by that person and God for our transgressions and sins, we must forgive others theirs no matter what.
I bring all of this up because a successful marriage will need forgiveness. It can be needed from leaving the seat up to adultery. If one person in the marriage feels that he/she can no longer forgive, then it is in trouble. I fear that Wife is at this point. With my "foot in mouth disease" I am always saying the wrong thing. Sunday night, after much discussion, I said, "Alright, since you don't enjoy my mother visiting and it will be a stressful time, I'll tell her not to come." She, rightfully, say this as shifting the blame/guilt onto her. A huge fight ensued, and I apologized and asked for forgiveness. Two days later she is still barely speaking to me. They say time heals all wounds, but have I gone too far? What character flaw do I have to find the most assholish comment possible and say it? How can I over come this flaw? How do I get Wife to be a little more patient and understanding? Am I just screwed? Is she most of the problem? Does she need a pill? Do I need a pill?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Stress
Man, how stressed out Wife and I are! I've known about it for a long time, but it is starting to really create problems with intimacy. We find ourselves sniping at each other, easy to anger and generally no fun to be around.
Last night I managed to cause her to become quite angry (to the point of 30 solid minutes of her yelling at me). We about to move into a new building for the office. The stress created by the planning, construction, and then the decorating has been bubbling under the surface. Originally, my parents were invited to visit for Thanksgiving. Well, this is about the time we'll be moving into said new office. She was questioning whether or not to have her mother-in-law visit during this volatile time. I said, "Fine, I'll ask Mom not to come, since I know how much she stress you out." Wife went off. I had shifted all of the blame of the stress of guests onto her rather than seeing it as problem for both of us. During the drive home (with the kids in the back) she let me have it. She has a valid point. I apologized. However, she had to vent her frustration. It doesn't feel like venting; it feels like piling on. Anyway it wasn't good. I explained that I don't appreciate her yelling at me in front of the kids (not the first time she's done it). She came back with giving the kids realism as to marriage. No resolution there.
Stress does some amazing things physiologically, psychologically and emotionally. It frays the nerves. It becomes much easier to get angry. I cannot remember a time during our marriage where there was no stress. Neither outside nor inside. I'll be the first to admit that I am not fun to live with. I tend to be selfish (not mean spirited but literally thinking how a situation affects me first); I tend to be a poor communicator; I am very forgetful; the list goes on. However, I am the same, basic, person I was before I married Wife. Wife's biggest fault is lack of patience with me. She has a short fuse and will argue with a stump. She is stubborn to an extreme.
With these two flawed people, adding stress is like adding a match to tinder. A conflagration will occur. Wife does not want to think terms of stress creating problems. She feels that is a crutch, an excuse, for getting out of one's responsibility. While that may be true to an extent, stress does a lot of things, none good.
That is why it is important to have a chance to destress. It is important to find that activity that helps clear one's mind, at least for a short time. I hope Wife finds one.
Last night I managed to cause her to become quite angry (to the point of 30 solid minutes of her yelling at me). We about to move into a new building for the office. The stress created by the planning, construction, and then the decorating has been bubbling under the surface. Originally, my parents were invited to visit for Thanksgiving. Well, this is about the time we'll be moving into said new office. She was questioning whether or not to have her mother-in-law visit during this volatile time. I said, "Fine, I'll ask Mom not to come, since I know how much she stress you out." Wife went off. I had shifted all of the blame of the stress of guests onto her rather than seeing it as problem for both of us. During the drive home (with the kids in the back) she let me have it. She has a valid point. I apologized. However, she had to vent her frustration. It doesn't feel like venting; it feels like piling on. Anyway it wasn't good. I explained that I don't appreciate her yelling at me in front of the kids (not the first time she's done it). She came back with giving the kids realism as to marriage. No resolution there.
Stress does some amazing things physiologically, psychologically and emotionally. It frays the nerves. It becomes much easier to get angry. I cannot remember a time during our marriage where there was no stress. Neither outside nor inside. I'll be the first to admit that I am not fun to live with. I tend to be selfish (not mean spirited but literally thinking how a situation affects me first); I tend to be a poor communicator; I am very forgetful; the list goes on. However, I am the same, basic, person I was before I married Wife. Wife's biggest fault is lack of patience with me. She has a short fuse and will argue with a stump. She is stubborn to an extreme.
With these two flawed people, adding stress is like adding a match to tinder. A conflagration will occur. Wife does not want to think terms of stress creating problems. She feels that is a crutch, an excuse, for getting out of one's responsibility. While that may be true to an extent, stress does a lot of things, none good.
That is why it is important to have a chance to destress. It is important to find that activity that helps clear one's mind, at least for a short time. I hope Wife finds one.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Intimacy
The blogs I read all seem to have a running theme: intimacy. We are always searching for that connection with someone else. We want our spouses to be our most intimate partner. Some have a real challenge, while others don't. We go through spells where we feel very close to that special someone, and spells where we do not.
With Wife and me, we have our issues, like every couple. Thankfully, ours aren't so much in the bedroom. We enjoy sex for the sake of sex. Wife may actually want it to be a little quicker and rougher than me. I enjoy giving her multiple orgasms and trying to prolong things as long as possible. The trick is to find that middle ground. Sometimes that can be a real trick. Our issue tends to be our slightly differing views on sex. She tends to be more straightforward. I tend to want role playing and some variety. Our biggest difference is oral sex. She really has no qualms about performing it on me. But, she does have issues about having it performed. I think she is uneasy about that areas differing aromas. I have tried to convince her that in that regard she is perfect. She will allow cunninglingus on her, but she has to be in the mood. Wife does tend to see me as slightly kinky. I guess I am. Doesn't every man have fantasies about his wife in a Catholic school girl uniform with the skirt, socks, and plaid shirt? Is that just me?
Our problems with intimacy come outside of the bedroom. Any part time reader sees that we have our disagreements. She and I are very stubborn people. She can be especially passionate. That, at times, leads to breakdown in intimacy. We try to talk our way through it, and we usually succeed. It is very difficult. Being intimate was much easier while we were in the dating phase. We didn't have three kids, a business, a mortgage, etc. Life is very complicated and that stress spills over into our relationship. It can be very hard to keep it all in perspective. For us, we have started spending so much time shuttling children from activity to activity that there is so little time and energy for us. It has started to affect my libido.
We all are searching for and trying to maintain intimacy. It can be a real struggle. When we are left alone from that intimacy, we feel like an empty place is in our heart. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time.
With Wife and me, we have our issues, like every couple. Thankfully, ours aren't so much in the bedroom. We enjoy sex for the sake of sex. Wife may actually want it to be a little quicker and rougher than me. I enjoy giving her multiple orgasms and trying to prolong things as long as possible. The trick is to find that middle ground. Sometimes that can be a real trick. Our issue tends to be our slightly differing views on sex. She tends to be more straightforward. I tend to want role playing and some variety. Our biggest difference is oral sex. She really has no qualms about performing it on me. But, she does have issues about having it performed. I think she is uneasy about that areas differing aromas. I have tried to convince her that in that regard she is perfect. She will allow cunninglingus on her, but she has to be in the mood. Wife does tend to see me as slightly kinky. I guess I am. Doesn't every man have fantasies about his wife in a Catholic school girl uniform with the skirt, socks, and plaid shirt? Is that just me?
Our problems with intimacy come outside of the bedroom. Any part time reader sees that we have our disagreements. She and I are very stubborn people. She can be especially passionate. That, at times, leads to breakdown in intimacy. We try to talk our way through it, and we usually succeed. It is very difficult. Being intimate was much easier while we were in the dating phase. We didn't have three kids, a business, a mortgage, etc. Life is very complicated and that stress spills over into our relationship. It can be very hard to keep it all in perspective. For us, we have started spending so much time shuttling children from activity to activity that there is so little time and energy for us. It has started to affect my libido.
We all are searching for and trying to maintain intimacy. It can be a real struggle. When we are left alone from that intimacy, we feel like an empty place is in our heart. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Another Weekend from Hell
Another big fight with Wife this weekend. Although I have accepted blame, responsibility, and apologized profusely, that is not enough. Wife employs her "scorched earth" brand of arguing. Although she may win the argument by using this policy, she may lose in the end. When she does something and apologizes, that is the end of it (in her mind), yet I am not given the same courtesy. Last night at ~midnight, I finally gave up trying to convince her of my sincerity and went to sleep. After being up for seventeen hours with a good portion spent arguing, I was too damned tired to fight. I'm tired of it. After giving many pounds of flesh, I'm not sure I have anything left to give.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Disney: Is it the AntiChrist?
Took the family to see Disney Incredibles on Ice. It was ok. This was the first ice show I had been to. I appreciate the skaters' abilities. The routines were great. It was definitely geared towards the kids, especially pre-middle school. The problem is this: the pressure put on the parents to buy crap at the event. There were dozens of kiosks set up hawking items, which were over priced and cheaply made. Naturally, the children were wanting some things. Wife asked to buy some snacks and a drink. We had just eaten, but I grumbled my ok. I was in a constant state of amazement at the amount of stuff for sale.
On the way home, Wife asked me how I liked it. I said the opening part was kind of stupid (a grown up was trying to act cool and overdoing it), otherwise I liked it. She tore into me telling me that I ruined the kids' experience, because I would not let them spend a lot of money on stuff. I couldn't believe she actually had the gall to say it. As it was, we spent over $50 on a drink, cotton candy, bucket of popcorn, and a "claw" toy. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.
The next day we continued our discussion, since I was too tired to really talk the night before. She was pissed about me not broaching the subject Sunday morning. She purposefully made us VERY late for church, just to prove a point. I asked her when did she started playing games. Wife wasn't playing a game; it was a tactic to prove her point. Yeah, right. I guess two wrongs DO make a right. Also, I explained that talking about an incident is not a quick talk with her. It lasts hours. Am I going to start a long conversation in the morning? No. I'll wait until we have time to hash it out.
I blame Disney. They managed to suck Wife into their consumerism frenzy. Also, can I take down the last post? I don't feel that way anymore.
On the way home, Wife asked me how I liked it. I said the opening part was kind of stupid (a grown up was trying to act cool and overdoing it), otherwise I liked it. She tore into me telling me that I ruined the kids' experience, because I would not let them spend a lot of money on stuff. I couldn't believe she actually had the gall to say it. As it was, we spent over $50 on a drink, cotton candy, bucket of popcorn, and a "claw" toy. Am I being unreasonable? I think not.
The next day we continued our discussion, since I was too tired to really talk the night before. She was pissed about me not broaching the subject Sunday morning. She purposefully made us VERY late for church, just to prove a point. I asked her when did she started playing games. Wife wasn't playing a game; it was a tactic to prove her point. Yeah, right. I guess two wrongs DO make a right. Also, I explained that talking about an incident is not a quick talk with her. It lasts hours. Am I going to start a long conversation in the morning? No. I'll wait until we have time to hash it out.
I blame Disney. They managed to suck Wife into their consumerism frenzy. Also, can I take down the last post? I don't feel that way anymore.
Friday, October 14, 2005
And Now For Something Completely Different
It seems all of my posts are negative about Wife. After reading them, why should I stay married? Well, I love her. There, I said it. Although she has many traits that annoy and frustrate me, she has many admirable traits. She is kind to a fault, generous, hard working, and loving (in her way). She may tend to be control freakish, but I owe her a lot. Without her, I would not be in the socioeconomic status that I am.
So...I'm going to try to modify this blog. I don't want it to be just about my problems with Wife. When I first started this blog, I wanted to jot down my frustrations about marriage. While I may still have them, I know there is no better alternative for me. Digger goes down the laundry list of possibilities, as I have in my mind. None are palatable. I must live with choice I made to love Wife. I must take her, warts and all. And, after 13 years of being together, she still makes my breath catch in my lungs. I still lust after her. I come in contact with many people during the day at my office, but I still truly lust after Wife. It's almost scary.
This brings me to my point. I have deep seeded desires that she cannot/will not fulfill. I think certain aspects of my psyche must remain in the dark. Sex seems to be constantly on my mind. Not sex with strangers, but sex with Wife. There was a month last year, when she was insatiable. We were doing everything within reason (no midgets or third parties but good not clean fun). I miss that month. I miss her text messaging me to ask for sex. During that time she performed oral sex numerous times, I miss that. We are back to the drudgery of missionary position: quick satisfaction, yet leaves me wanting more, different, better. Is this dangerous? Am I perverted? Or are couples destined to attach themselves to people who have differing sexual proclivities? The blogs I read seem to support this. What a cruel twist of fate.
So...I'm going to try to modify this blog. I don't want it to be just about my problems with Wife. When I first started this blog, I wanted to jot down my frustrations about marriage. While I may still have them, I know there is no better alternative for me. Digger goes down the laundry list of possibilities, as I have in my mind. None are palatable. I must live with choice I made to love Wife. I must take her, warts and all. And, after 13 years of being together, she still makes my breath catch in my lungs. I still lust after her. I come in contact with many people during the day at my office, but I still truly lust after Wife. It's almost scary.
This brings me to my point. I have deep seeded desires that she cannot/will not fulfill. I think certain aspects of my psyche must remain in the dark. Sex seems to be constantly on my mind. Not sex with strangers, but sex with Wife. There was a month last year, when she was insatiable. We were doing everything within reason (no midgets or third parties but good not clean fun). I miss that month. I miss her text messaging me to ask for sex. During that time she performed oral sex numerous times, I miss that. We are back to the drudgery of missionary position: quick satisfaction, yet leaves me wanting more, different, better. Is this dangerous? Am I perverted? Or are couples destined to attach themselves to people who have differing sexual proclivities? The blogs I read seem to support this. What a cruel twist of fate.
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