Resentment

Jesus said to him, "I don't tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:22.

I have a confession to make: I have been resenting Sybil. I have not been a very forgiving person. I have not confronted her enough on she makes me feel. Resentment was allowed to take hold and harden my heart. Sadly, it affected me in a way that I had never expected. I found myself not wanting to be near her, talk with her, touch her. I just wanted to be somewhere else. I would not let myself forgive her for her faults.

The weight was lifted, when I forgave her. Sybil is human. She has many more admirable qualities than I write about. Unfortunately, I chose to focus only on the things that were negative. The power of forgiveness of which Jesus speaks isn't necessarily about helping the person doing wrong, but it is also about healing the person wronged. Forgiveness liberates one from the past. I was shackled to my past dealings with Sybil. I had allowed these events to shape me and affect my behavior.

Achieving a state of Grace allows one to start loving that person. Agape love is much more powerful than romantic love. How can a person love another, when he has resentment in his heart? He cannot. There is only room for one not both. I am ashamed to say that I was not Graceful towards Sybil. One may say that she does not deserve my forgiveness. Who, among us, really does? We are all fallen creatures. Achieving love and grace is the closest we can come to being Godly.

I hope those who are that point of pushing out love from their hearts will rethink their feelings. Forgiveness is truly Divine.

The Rise and Fall of America

In these last few posts I have sounded rather depressed. I always get this way, whenever an election is looming. Although I didn't start this blog to espouse my political point of view, I am depressed. It has nothing to do with Sybil. We are doing very well, thank you for caring. She has loosened up with regards to sex, and I learned to let her rantings not get me riled up.

First of all a disclaimer: I did not vote for a major party candidate during the last election. I have come to view the two parties as an amalgamation of one ruling party. Neither the Republicats nor the Democans are worth a plug nickel. I do not blame them. It is our fault for allowing them to seize power. How did this happen? Well, this might shed some light. We, as a whole, have managed to raise a society of people that have been coddled from birth until the grave. We are ENTITLED to a job, health care, retirement, etc. It is only getting worse. This 15 year old girl has been glorified for the excess laid upon her by her mother. Parents are no longer parenting. Heaven forbid we damage our child's self-esteem. We MUST pave the road ahead for little Johnny. Oh my gosh! What if he skins his knee?

Personally, I'm a little sick of it. I am saddened by what I am seeing. Our duty as parents is to prepare our children for the rough road of life. Life is hard. Unfortunately, The Cult of Low Expectations has taken over, and the barbarians are at the gate.

I'll get off of my soap box now.

Bored

I'm bored with blogging right now. As if you haven't guessed! That's probably the main reason I haven't posted as much of late. Sybil is the same, but I'm learning how to handle her. After 13 years, it's about time. Basically, I just need to let her rant and vent, and then it's ok. When one is not a passionate person (outwardly), then one has a hard time understanding the passionate. Sybil is passionate. I realize her counting every little thing the same as big things makes it hard me, but it makes it harder on her. Alas, she won't change. Of course, neither will I.

Having been a little introspective over the last few days, has made me realize that a lot of my decreased libido was pent up resentment towards Sybil. Finding grace and letting it go is what I am striving towards. It isn't easy. I'm a "keep-things-bottled-up" kind of guy. Her libido is still higher than mine, but I am accommodating her desires.

I'm not shutting down the blog or anything. However, I reserve the right to change my focus. Since Sybil and I have really improved over the last six months, I find myself with less to post about. Also, I'm starting to feel that all I'm doing is whining about my situation. Therefore, I'll probably be posting on various relationship-type stuff.

I'm sure that I'll keep everyone entertained with a Sybil story now and then. She does like to create drama. I'll leave you with this example:
This morning she had to take the kids to school. I get out of the shower to see her using the bathroom. Instead of saying, "Would you mind leaving the shower on so I can use it?", she says. "You know, it'd be nice if you left the shower on for me. I did that for you yesterday." Nice.

Not Back in the Saddle Again

Thank you for being patient. I didn't mean to have a hiatus. It just happened. Honest. I've had some things come up, so my time available for blogging has diminished. Also, I felt like I was beginning to sound like a broken record. Although I started this blog to vent my frustrations with Sybil, my posts were starting to take on a "whiny" quality, to me anyway. The crossroads was what I could post about, besides the intermittent conflict with Sybil and me. I'm sorry to say that something else has come up: my libido has disappeared.

I'm not sure where it went. It didn't leave a forwarding address. I don't know, if this is a temporary holiday or if it left town for good. It boils down to being a little scary. Until this point, I felt that I was pretty average about my needs. I tend to be average in every way, and my libido was no exception. I was happy with my ~3 episodes a week. Unfortunately, these last few weeks I would rather sleep than get it on.

What are causes of a low libido in a man? This is uncharted territory for me. Is it stress at work? Work has been stressful, but I'm not sure it is any more stressful than usual. Is it stress at home? Well, reading my blog gives one the sense of how stressful home can be. After 13 years of marriage, I'm not sure it is any more stressful. Am I ill? I feel physically fine. In fact, I'm in better shape at 37 than at 27. Has Sybil let herself go? No, she looks great. Am I bored? Possibly. I can't imagine that causing such a lowering of the libido. As a test, I looked at pornography sites, and there was no reaction. Unusual for me. Am I numb to it? Maybe. I stopped looking at those sites for a long time, because I was afraid of what they might do. I was afraid of producing unrealistic needs.

At first glance, it would be easy to blame Sybil for my decline. Her boundaries are pretty tight. However, that seems like an easy way out. A cop out. I'm still trying to figure out how much of this problem I own and how much is hers. Maybe I'm being neurotic. If so, that's a new thing for me, too. I do think that living the stress at the office and then reliving it with Sybil doesn't help. By the time I have retold my day's exploits, I'm exhausted.

I sat down with Sybil last night to voice my concerns. She had noticed a decline, but she attributes that to us being tired. I have my days of being totally wiped out, and she definitely has to have about ten hours of sleep to function. The other thing she attributes it to are the arguments about her boundaries. We all have boundaries. I will, under no circumstances, engage in sexual activities with midgets. Sybil feels that I am uncertain as to what I can and cannot do. That's part of it too. When the clothes come off, isn't that when the fun begins? Do I have to worry about pushing her too far? I'm not talking about anything wild, either.

My heart goes out to the women with low libido men. I think their men are doing them a disservice. I feel that I am letting Sybil down in that regard. It isn't fair to not have one's needs met. I'm supposed to meet her needs as best as I can.

Maybe I'm thinking too much.

The Fork in the Road

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra

That's kind where I'm at right now. Things are going ok. I'm not dead or even very sleepy. Kind of in a bit of a cross roads. I'll post more later. Just wanted to let all of my readers (both of them) know that I'm still alive.

Adam Smith Would be Proud

Digger posted his thoughts about supply and demand and how it relates to sex. I think it succinctly describes what happens to a lot of guys. In a word: if a guy wants regular, exciting sex, don't get married. Although Sybil doesn't have libido issues, she's pretty boring in bed. Whereas, she used to be a hot, little vixen, now, she wants me to do all of the work, yet respect her boundaries. How fun. In my case, the supply is there, but it is of lower quality. I'm paying more now for sex than I ever had. It's shoddy workmanship. Made in China (that's funny: Sybil is Chinese).

I try to look at the bright side of things. After all, that's all I can do. My sex life isn't as bad as Digger's: non-existent. Although there too many boundaries, my sex life doesn't have to be scheduled like FTN's. In my case what used to be a Ritz cracker is now just a plain ol' saltine. I've tried the spicing things up. I've asked Sybil about her fantasies. She doesn't have any. So she says. I've tried taking the initiative to only be rebuffed. But, I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook. No matter how bad things are for a person, there's always someone else that has it worse. Besides, what else would I blog about?

With everything Sybil and I have been through, I have, generally, lost a lot of interest in sex. I don't know if it's living with her, work, kids, or what. It may be my deep seeded resentment of her for the emotional roller coaster ride. For example, last night I was feeling a little amorous. As we were getting into bed, there was an issue with one of my pillow cases. I had not put it on to Sybil's specifications. She jerked it away, adjusted the pillow case, placed it back, and admonished me for accepting less than perfect. It's a PILLOW CASE. The damned thing will be maladjusted by me sleeping on it. Anyway, there went those desires right out the window.

Interesting

This article might be useful for a beginning of the understanding of what happens to men and women in a committed relationship. The authors ponder that it is some evolutionary thing. Basically, men's sex drive remains the same. However, women's sex drive diminishes after making a "pair bond." Sounds like entrapment. A bait-and-switch. A bill of goods. I know that may sound misogynistic. Deep down, it probably is. Maybe women have a harder time letting go of past slights. They think too much. This doesn't make them more complex. It makes them neurotic. I may catch hell for writing those things, but there it is. Right now, with the place I'm in, it sums it up nicely. I might even add that women's libidos aren't the only thing that's higher in the beginning, but also they have a better personality and treat their significant other better.

Ok, flame away Gridley.

BTW, speaking of thinking too much, I'm still noodling the comments from the last post, especially Christian Husband's about declaring peace.

Sex, Sex, Sex

Thank you to all that commented on my last post.

FTN wondered why I was bringing up this subject, when Sybil and I seem to argue about everything else but sex. That is a good question. Actually, she and I argue quite a bit about sex. I like to give oral sex; she doesn't; I feel like I'm more adventuresome; she isn't; I like to make sure she has at least one (preferably more) orgasm; she doesn't (one of our recent fights that I chose not to post about). Granted, we don't have the same issues as some (sorry, Digger), but we still have some.

Sybil likes to play this game:

Yesterday, I arose to get ready for church, make sure the boys were ready, and to make sure Daughter got her 8:00am dose of antibiotics. As I'm leaving to go to church, Sybil (still in bed) says, "why didn't you start something?"

What am I supposed to say? I don't enjoy necrophilia? Let me get this straight: I'm not only supposed to do all of the above, but also wake you up and "get it on?" Maybe I'm not in the mood. Maybe your morning breathe could stop a raging rhino? Maybe I've TOO much to do? Probably it's because I've heard about not trying things unless your in the mood? See the post about mood rings.

Are we doomed to be with those that have differing libidos?
Yes. We don't marry ourselves, so it only stands to reason that our partner would be different. Does that mean our partner shouldn't be a little more accommodating? I guess that depends upon who one asks. It is possible that my raging libido has been turned down a few notches due to work, kids, Sybil, etc. Although Sybil may instigate it more, that's because I've kind of given up trying to figure out when is a good time. After taking so many figurative body blows, there a lot of times I just want to be alone. In our marriage, Sybil probably has a higher libido but too many...um...boundaries.

Why does this happen?
In the beginning there was sex, and it was good. Everyone is carefree. Everyone is adventuresome. Throw kids, mortgage, career, living with the same person for 13 (THIRTEEN!) years into the mix, and sex gets shorted. I love chocolate cake, but I can't eat it for every meal. In my case, living with Sybil is kind of like cleaning the Augean Stables (she might say the same about me, but this MY blog). All of this can take its toll.


What are we to do about it?
The choices are endless (not really but I wanted to write that).
We can:

1. Divorce- risk screwing up kids. Poverty. Since kids are involved, we are still connected. Also, seems to be kind of like throwing the baby out with the bath water.
2. Endeavor to persevere-that is what most of us do. We try to live out our lives day by day in the best way possible. We try to inject small joys to break up the maddening monotony.
   
3. Try to find distractions- we play computer games, blog, go to bonko every first Tuesday no matter what the family's schedule. See #2.
4. Affairs- it seems such an innocent little thing. See #1.
5. Talk it out- easier said than done. Where does one stop wanting to respect the other person and start wanting their needs met? Where does that fine line come from? Shouldn't there be some sort of sign to tell their spouse that it's time to make love versus time to screw like wild, midget monkeys? See mood ring post.

In the end there are no easy answers. Like the gracious people that commented, I, too, am stumbling through life trying to figure this relationship thing out. My hope is that I can pass on the wisdom I have gleaned through the school of hard knocks to my children. I hope they can learn from it.

Quickie

Question: are we doomed to be married to people with differing libidos?

Question: why does this happen?

Question: what are we to do about it?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I'll post about why I'm asking these questions later.

I Ain't Got Time To Bleed

That's how I feel. Work is becoming all consuming. Sybil and I are the usual. Daughter had her tonsils out yesterday. Life keeps rolling along. I'll post when I can and comment when I can.

Sorry.

Manifesto

I'd thought I'd take a break from Sybil bashing for awhile. It seems to be getting old. Reading my posts makes me think it's same stuff different day. Since things are going pretty good with her right now, I thought I might bore you with why I blog. After over one hundred posts, it's about time, right?

All marriages have problems. I do believe that a marriage without conflict is in trouble. However, I hate conflict. I hate the emotions that run through me and the person talking to me. The feeling of letting my emotions get the better of me is a feeling of helplessness. Yet, an argument, no matter what size, is wrapped in emotion. This blog is a way for me to noodle out my emotional responses.

Some have wondered why I stay with Sybil. There are times I wonder the same thing (see the last post). Marriage, to me, is not disposable. For all of her faults, Sybil is committed to this marriage. There may be times that she will not show it. There may be times that she may seem to sabotage it. However, that is one thing we have in common is our commitment to this marriage.

Before I married Sybil, I had many friends that I hung out with. Since Sybil and I got married and then six months later we had a child (do the math), I have had little time to maintain the friendships I had nor to make new ones. With my work schedule and kids' schedules, making friends just takes too much energy. Posting about my frustrations is similar to talking with a best friend and venting. It is sad, in a way, that I have to rely on a nameless, faceless internet, but that is something. Where would I be without it? Alone? Cut off? Blogging maintains a connection. I am always amazed that anyone comments, and new people are always dropping by. Thank you, friends.

Reading some of my posts, one might get the idea that Sybil is some succubus from the ninth level of hell. Sometimes she is. However, she has many admirable traits. She is kind, empathetic, selfless (in some ways but maybe not as much as she believes), and loves helping people. This blog is a microcosm of who she is. I doubt anyone could remain married to a woman that I have painted her out to be. This blog is a means of grappling with the emotions of marital conflict.

Some have commented and questioned why I stay with Sybil. That is not an easy answer. First of all, what would I gain by leaving her? Independence? Doubtful. I still have to work. I would still have three kids to care for. Independence is an illusion. Happiness? Maybe. I've wondered about that, especially during one of our arguments. Would I be happier away from her? I'm not sure. Happiness is fleeting. I'm not sure the potential emotional damage to my children is worth my happiness. That's not something I'm willing to risk. Do I love her? In the end that is what it boils down to. I understand, a little, why someone stays with an abuser. Although I'm not saying Sybil is abusive, there are times I' ve wondered about it. Unfortunately, I cannot look at her without my breath catching in my throat. After 13 years, I still look upon her in amazement. That feeling is more than just simple lust. That feeling has more length and breadth than any stirring of the loins. That is the real reason. I think it would take something catastrophic (like her having an affair) to push me to leaving her.

Well, this post seems to be rambling. I'm still going to write about my frustrations and anger with Sybil. In the future, I want to try to focus on the positive aspects too.

Changes in Latitudes, No Changes in Attitudes

I apologize for my lack of posting. Sybil is working in my office, and it makes it hard to get privacy on a computer. Since I mainly blog about her, I don't think it wise for her to be around when doing it. When the kids get into school, that should ease up a bit. Unfortunately, we had to do it, because of staffing issues.

Survived the weekend. We drove to another time zone to see Lil' Bro get married, again. Since he left his wife last year, it has been a major bone of contention for Sybil. She has a poor view of him, since he not only left his wife but also risked screwing up their 3 year old in the process. As for me, I don't blame him. Although I would have rather they stayed married and try to work things out for the sake of their child, his Ex is a controlling shrew.

Anyway, for the whole weekend I got to hear Sybil's rant about how he'll screw up again. It's a little old. Naturally, we got into a major fight. I admit to starting it. We argued about stirring straws. Yep, STIRRING STRAWS. I said sticks; Sybil said straws. Since they were hollow, they were straws. I just couldn't help myself. Sybil makes the comment about wanting to go home. I apologize for being a jerk and starting an argument. I mean it was over a little thing. Right? Nope.

On the way to my parent's house after the wedding, I asked if she still wanted to go home. Sybil said, "I can't go home." That doesn't seem like an answer to me. My question could have been answered by a simple yes or no. Another fight ensued. Even bigger than the friggin' straws. After things calmed down, we talked a bit, and I thought the storm had passed.

The next morning I wake up. Sybil wakes up. I start goofing around, and she is distant with her back to me. Sensing that something is amiss, I ask her what is wrong. "Nothing," she says. I know it's B.S., but I ask again. Again, nothing. O.k. it's nothing. I go about my day getting ready to go.

On the way home, we're stuck in the car for nearly 7 hours. Together. Alone. By ourselves. This morning comes up. Sybil is still mad about me getting mad about her "I can't go home" statement. If really cared, I would have known what was wrong. I should have known what was wrong. In my defense, I explained that I asked what was wrong; she spooned me last night (she says to keep from falling off of the bed); and didn't act distant or anything at the end of the day. Not enough. Ugly words were thrown around. Since I had nothing else to say, Sybil indicated that maybe it was time to call the lawyers. I indicated that maybe she was right. Silence ensued. Golden silence. A weight was lifting off of my shoulders. Aww, sweet independence.

Then I pictured having to tell Daughter. I caved. There was no way I could bring myself to do it. I would rather go through Hell itself than disappoint Daughter. So for the next four hours we talked and talked. Things are back to normal, which is to say screwed up. Nothing was accomplished. I still love Sybil, damnit. Despite it all. It ain't easy to do, though.

In Summing Up...

Things are improving. Time heals all wounds, right? I heard this song this morning and I thought it was apropos.

RELIENT K LYRICS

"Mood Rings"

we all know the girls that i am talking about
well they are time bombs and they are ticking
and the only question's when they'll blow up
and they'll blow up; we know that without a doubt
cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them

and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...

she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

if it's drama you want then look no further
they're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
and it just kills me how they get away with murder
they'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize

and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...

she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

cause when it's black (it) means watch your back because you're probably
the last person in the world right now she wants to see
and when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediately
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree
and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless (and that's all right i must confess)

we all know the girls that i am talking about
she liked you wednesday but now it's friday and she has to wash her hair
and it just figures that we'll never figure them out
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair

mood ring oh mood ring
oh tell me will you bring
the key to unlock this mystery
of girls and their emotions
play it back in slow motion
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind

[speaking:]
heh...that's terrible

Bruised

Well, it seems I was right to be worried. When we last left Aphron and Sybil, Sybil had just abruptly ended an arguement. Something totally out of character for her. For her arguements are similar to what occurred in Mogadishu with me being the Rangers trying to get out of it. Anyway, Sybil stopped wearing her ring immediately afterwards. Since we were painting Son#2's room, I thought she took it off as not to get paint on it. Wrong. She stopped wearing it because of me.

It would seem we (or I) have some deep issues that have boiling under the surface. It mainly deals with me not respecting her or her wishes. The main issue that was brought up was Las Vegas. Since we were in Vegas sans kids, I thought (expected?) wild, woolly, fun VACATION SEX (thanks FTN). The only sex that was going on was plain, saltine cracker variety the one time we engaged in it. By the third day, I was a little disappointed. That was the day I suggested some shower time fun. Sybil resisted because it was a hotel shower with no seat or anything (I haven't figured that one out). I persisted and she relented to showering together. There was not any sex and barely any foreplay. I became frustrated and angry. Boring run of the mill sex I can understand at home, but on the road without kids in a large hotel room? We had a few words. Sybil became hurt and angry that I would not respect her needs. She fears catching some disease or illness from uncleanliness. I might can understand a little of it, yet we had sex on the bed without stirring her issues. In my mind, a hotel bed is probably worse than a hotel shower. Also, Sybil mentioned my penchant for wanting sex after she has had a shower in the morning. Well, don't traipse around our bedroom naked, and I won't become aroused. Also, if that really bothered you, why do you allow me to do it? Why allow me to think it was ok until now?

Anyway, we had a running arguement that lasted three days. It was centered around my lack of respect for Sybil and her issues. For three days she would not wear her ring. On that third day, I was about ready to throw it and mine away. Then as if after a summer time storm, the wind and rain calmed. Sybil, is that you? Last night she was cuddly and affectionate. To recap, we went from, what I thought was divorce, to a loving couple in 36 hours. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.

I guess from now on, I won't instigate things. If I have to do all of the work anyway, why should I have to be the one to get things started? If my timing is that bad or if my lack of respect for her issues is that bad, then why wouldn't I stop trying all together? Right now, I feel very withdrawn...bruised.

Sybil, Is That You?...Redux

After the last post that went into the leftfield with questions about why I stay with Sybil, I had intended to write a nice post about Sybil. After glancing through my archives, it seems that I have painted a pretty negative picture of her. So, I wanted to give a more rounded description of Sybil. I hoped that my new readers (God bless 'em) would see that she has some wonderful qualities. I mean what kind of fool stays with a woman that is such a shrew? Me.

Screw it. I can't post anything positive about her right now. Not after yesterday's little spat, which I did not precipitate. We're laying in bed watching Wedding Crashers (campy yet stupid in a fun way). The TV turned itself off (on a timer). I, playfully, fumbled with the remote trying to turn it on. Until this moment Sybil and I were sharing a moment. That disappeared. She moved to the foot of the bed and stayed out of touch. Sensing a playful moment, I tried to stretch out my toes to touch, etc. One thing led to another, and I'm on her playfully nuzzling her ear. Sybil tells me to "get off of her." No smile or anything. Fine. I get off. A few moments later, Sybil says, "you're such a jerk." Ok, fine, whatever. I say some disposable comment. Something to the effect whatever your loss. She says something to the effect of "you don't even know what I'm talking about." I leave to make coffee. As I'm making the coffee, I'm replaying the conversation. I did NOTHING wrong, yet I'm getting abused. Now the question becomes, do I confront her or leave sleeping dogs lie? I confront. Long story short (too late) she blows me off. She even laughed at me at first. She said she was joking. I explained that I'm no longer irritated but I'm pissed off. No apology or anything.

This is the same woman that turned an innocent remark into an hour screaming match, yet I have NEVER called her any name except Sybil (really). I have never laughed at her when she approached me with hurt feelings, which happens quite a lot. I find this whole episode to be quite demeaning. Although I may have a hard time expressing my feelings, do not make it harder by belittling them. I can handle name calling in the heat of the moment. Although I do not remember calling her any derogatory names, being called "asshole" is meaningless to me. Yep, I can be one. However, this case goes beyond the pale.

I apologize fellow bloggers. I had really hoped to paint a more positive picture of Sybil. Right now I cannot. Why do I stay? That is a good question. Off of the top of my head these are the reasons:

1. The children. I have three of them. They mean everything to me. I would rather suffer than potentially lose them through divorce.
2. Promises. I made a promise to Sybil, myself, and the state I live in to stay married. Since it was a civil ceremony, does that count as a promise to God? Probably. Doesn't matter. I try to do the honorable thing. Leaving a wife and children, to me, is dishonorable.
3. Financial ruin. I am lucky enough to earn enough money to support us fairly comfortably. We want for little. In a divorce situation, that would change. Too many stories of men being financially ruined in a divorce scare the heeby-jeebies out of me.
   
4. Fear of failure. I have a strong fear of failing. To me divorce would mean failing. The marriage would have failed.
   
5. Deep down, deep, deep down I still love Sybil. I know that, for all of her flaws, she was given to me for a reason. Bad kharma, maybe? Anyway, she has made some positive changes in me not just bitterness.

I'm sure this will pass. I know this latest episode is a trifle. It is the principle of the thing, though. I hope to post a more favorable account of Sybil in the future. Stay tuned.


**UPDATE** Sybil and I had a long conversation last night about what happened Sunday. Instead of apologizing for demeaning my feelings, she took the time to outline how much of a jerk I really am. Some of the stuff I've blogged about (what happened in Vegas was brought up, mainly). Other stuff I haven't. She had some points that were legitamite. The problem is she warmed up past arguements to defend her position that I'm a jerk. She asked me did I love her and if so what did I do to show it besides going to work everday? I listed: dealing with kids every morning so she could sleep in, not critizing her for her failure of housekeeping duties, helping her on her various projects at church (she has a whole committee, yet I get to help), etc. The fight ended abruptly with her apologizing for calling me a jerk (not for demeaning my feelings) and apologizing for starting the fight. This was totally out of character. Now I'm really worried.

Tagged...I think

A Passionate Man tagged me with 5 celebs I want to have sex with. I think. His post says "Apron." I don't see anybody else on his blog roll with a name close to it, except mine. So anyway...

This is actually a hard post. I have such a dim view of celebs. Number 1 used to Cameron Diaz until I read this piece. Man, am I that picky? If I were 18 again, I'd have no problem. At the ripe, old age of 37, I am more discerning. I've realized that at some point conversation will come up. The person's conversation could affect my mood, which could affect my libido. Damn.

Five celebs I want to have sex with (in no particular order):


I can't think of any. They aren't real people. They are imaginary. In high school I was in the drama department. They were weird, self-absorbed, melodramatic, bitches. And those were just the guys. I can only imagine what the women were like.

It's better to worship from afar.

My First HNT!

Don't laugh. It took a lot of courage to share this candid moment with you, my readers. I hope you enjoy. Be gentle in the comments. To add to the surprise, you gotta scroll down to view it.














































Well, what do you think? I think I captured my good side. With Sybil gone for a couple more days, I might play with that digital camera some more.

Bachin' It

Well, Sybil is at her parents' house for her annual visit. I haven't seen her since I got back from Vegas. Naturally, I have to talk to her several times a day. Still it has been pretty relaxing. Last night I enjoyed sitting outside, blogging wirelessly, drinking a beer and enjoying a good stogie. Life doesn't get any better. Sadly, I'm pretty boring after work. I'm usually too tired and want to go home and unwind. So if anyone wants to drop by Casa de Aphron, just let me know. I'll keep a light on for ya.

Viva Las Vegas

Well, Sybil and I survived the week together. From Friday to Wednesday was spent at her parent's house in Dallas, and Wednesday until today (Saturday) was spent in Las Vegas. It was a very interesting visit.

I learned a few things:

1. When Sybil wants her flight itinerary changed, it nearly takes an act of Congress. If I don't do it to her specifications or in the fashion she would, then hell will break loose. Although I knew a flight she needed was available, I should check with her first to make sure it meets with her approval before changing anything. Of course, it would be easier if she handled it HER flight herself. That way it will be done as she wants it.
2. When Sybil says her new shoes are comfortable, she is a liar. I knew they weren't. I asked several times. Each time I was met with her telling me how comfortable they are. Naturally, walking the strip in new, high heels makes for a short walk. I guess it's better to look good than be comfortable.
3. The purpose of going to Las Vegas is to go shopping. Looking at the archetecture of the buildings and possibly gambling is a distant second. It's all about the stores.
4. Getting a large room with a walk-in shower and a jacuzzi does not mean they are to be used as anything other that getting clean. I mean the shower didn't have a seat. The jacuzzi is there for looks.
5. Nibbling on Sybil's neck after her shower but before I brush my teeth is a no-no. I will leave a residue that others can smell.
6. Finally, Las Vegas is a city of vice. No two ways about it. A weak individual could get into a lot of trouble.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back home. I think Vegas is a cool city. Although gambling, drinking, and sex is in one's face nearly the whole time, there is other stuff to do. We saw KA, which was a great show and "eye candy."

Gone Fishin'

Not really.

I'm going to be out of town all next week. Traveling with Sybil. I'm sure there won't be a dull moment. I may be able to bore you with details when I get back next weekend.

Also will be going to Las Vegas for a conference. That will be very interesting for this small town Southern Boy.

Have a Great Week!

Update
I'm sitting at the airport, drinking a cold Heine and watching Georgia tech try to mount a comeback against Clemson. The only down side is the $6.00 I paid to T-Mobile to connect to their Wi-Fi hotspot. But with an hour to kill and nothing to read, I'll manage...somehow.

Random Mutterings

Well, Sybil and I survived this weekend without killing each other. Our anniversary was Saturday. Thirteen years of marital...er...excitement. We spent the majority of it apart. Son#1 had a baseball tournament while daughter and son#2 has a swim meet. The meet was in another city an hour and a half away. I was chosen to go to the swim meet. Although I made it clear that I would rather go to the baseball tournament, Sybil made it clear I was going to the meet. Since I have a much better sense of direction and don't mind driving, it made logical choice. Naturally, Sybil made the mistake of asking which I would rather do. I made the mistake of answering truthfully. Fireworks ensued, and I went to the meet. I rather enjoyed myself. Driving by myself (the two kids had gone ahead with a friend since I had to work) was cathartic. I got to listen to my music and generally enjoyed myself. The kids came in third in their age group, so it worked out well. Sadly, I missed Son#1's game. Apparently, he played very well. C'est la vie. Saturday ended on a high note with a visit to our best friend's house. They live about an hour away, so by the time we came home Saturday night I was exhausted.

This morning was interesting. Sybil awoke mad at me for dreaming that I had a conversation with an ex-girlfriend. I haven't spoken with this person in thirteen years. The last time I spoke with her was when she called me out of the blue. I had just gotten married and Son #1 had just been born. Due to the circumstances of us getting married (shotgun wedding, so to speak), I did not want to speak to the woman. I, basically, just had a monosyllable conversation. Unfortunately, I did not tell her that I was married and had a kid. That has come back to bite me on more than one occasion. Sybil's already deep seeded insecurity has solidified.

We all have insecurities. It is how we deal with our insecurity that tells the story. When insecurities raise their ugly specter, the aftermath is difficult to deal with. In Sybil's case the episode happened over a decade ago, yet she is still grappling with it. Do I do things to instill that insecurity? I guess so. I'm not sure what it would be. Maybe she is an insecure person. No matter what I do, she will remain so. Despite my best efforts of reassurance, she remains to this day convinced that I would run off with said girlfriend, if given a chance. Nope. Could it be that deep down inside she understands that she does things to make me unhappy? Instead of dealing with that, it is easier to lash out. I don't have the answers just mutterings.

I'm Mad as Hell and I'm not Going to Take it Anymore

I was going to write about Digger's article on outward appearances. I even started a post but deleted it. We all have pain from somewhere in our lives. We may not blog about it, but it is there. Life can be painful, sometimes.

Nope. I'm going write about how angry I am at myself. I have somehow allowed Sybil to run nearly all aspects of my life. Where do I draw the line? This realization had been forming for quite sometime but became crystallized during lunch. Sybil, the SAHM that doesn't, was working at church getting ready for vacation bible school. I got out of the office late, so my lunch time was shortened. I call her to see what's the deal with lunch (we eat together nearly everyday). She asks me to bring her something, and, oh by the way, bring something for a friend. My irritation kicked in and was followed by anger. I begged off saying I don't have time. I'll go home for lunch. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I relented. Naturally, she had no clue what she wanted. Anger building.

Finally, I bring food to her at the church. I arrive unable to find her. I call her cellphone. No answer. I see her stuff lying there, so I know she is there. By this time I had about 15 minutes to eat. Now the dilemma: should I waste more time looking for her or should I just say screw it and eat? I said screw it and ate. Just as I'm finishing, she appears all smiling and happy.

Do I have an anger management problem, or do I have a spouse that doesn't give a _ _ _ _ about anything except how to escape from her dull existence at home? My schedule is not my own. I do not get to choose to help out at church, cook lunch, go grocery shopping, clean the house, go to the spa, or any of that. I get to go work and be a drone. I really don't mind her helping at church. Really, I don't. What I care about is her lack of sensitivity that I have an allotted amount of time. If she really wants to eat lunch with me, it is much easier to bend her schedule around mine.

If I choose to go home (I have done so in the past), I can choose from the yummy and delectable choices of peanut butter and cracker (no bread), Ramen noodles (I ate that in college. I did not work this hard to go back to Ramen), popcorn, or just drink a lot of water. As you can see, I get to waste a quarter of my lunch hour getting food to eat.

I understand being a SAHM can be drudgery but so is going to work. I'm not trying to keep her in the kitchen. All I'm asking is for the house stuff to be done first and concentrate on outside stuff next. Sadly, it's times like these that makes me wonder what is going to happen to us when the kids leave home.

Youth Sports

Taking a break from "Sybil bashing" for now. I'm posting about youth sports. As you know I have 3 kids. I am in constant awe of them and their abilities. Although I don't write much about them,since this blog was intended to explore the dynamic between Sybil and me. Anyway, my two boys play various sports. My daughter plays a couple too, which is a surprise because she was very much a "girlie-girl" when she was small.

Son #1's Little League baseball team has had a terrible season. Currently, they are 3 and 12. Pretty dismal. He hasn't played much this whole season. It is very disheartening to be one of the oldest on the team, yet play the nearly the least. The previous year, on a different team, he played the whole game, could be counted on to get on base, and improved his fielding. Fast forward to this year, the decreased playing time told him that he wasn't good enough, so in a game he tried harder and put more stress on himself. The result was striking out at the one time at bat and playing 3 or less innings (usually less). Son#1's self-confidence was shot. As the season progressed, it became painfully obvious that he was outside looking in of a clique. The coach and about six of the players knew each other previously. Despite mounting errors and bad plays, he kept them in their positions throughout the season.

Then last week it happened. Son#1's team lost by the "mercy rule." For those that don't know, it says that a ten run difference ends the game. His team got beat 13 to 3. Embarrassing. Who made the most errors? The coach's son at first base. Usually a first baseman can catch. Not on this team. He missed a toss from three feet. After the game, Son#1 walked up to the coach and asked for more playing time. Coach said that he told everyone at the beginning of the season that some wouldn't play as much as others. The ones he thought could do the job would play the most. Sybil and he started to argue. She brought up the valid point that, if you're losing nearly all of your games, why not try players in different positions? Coach said that he wouldn't change anything. Sybil yelled for me saying that Coach said that Son#1 wouldn't get anymore playing time and that he wasn't "good enough." Coach said she was putting words in his mouth. I, in the nicest way possible, said,"Coach, in the first scrimmage he played flawlessly, but in the games Son#1 was passed over." Coach said he was done and stomped off.

Flash forward to Thursday night. Although we won by forfeit because the other team had too few players, we won on the scoreboard too. Son#1 started and stayed at third base. He was on fire. He went 2 for 2 with a bunt (It was a thing of beauty. The ball stopped right in front of home plate, beat the throw and made it to first) and a triple. His defense was good too. For a kid that wasn't "good enough" Son#1 had a stellar night. Coach gave him the game ball.

Afterwards, I talked to Coach. I thanked him for giving Son#1 a second chance. He stated that is wasn't because of the conversation we had, but Son#1 had worked hard in the last practice. Whatever. The season is shot because of the Coach's desire to play certain kids. The parents outside of the clique are fed up. At least the season will end on a high note.

Before I had kids, I told myself I wouldn't get worked up about the sports my children play. I would not be that guy yelling at his kids to do better. Although I am not belligerent, I have a lot of excitement watching my kids play sports. They are far better athletes than I was. Son#1 can actually hit a baseball, Daughter can swim 100 yard freestyle and gets faster towards the end, and Son#2 is like a Hoover vacuum cleaner on the baseball field. Before my sons played baseball, I was pretty ambivalent towards it. Daughter played one year of softball and was decent. I wish she would've stuck with it. It has been a tremendous amount of fun, excitement, and even pride to watch my children play ball. I hope all parents get that opportunity.

Happy 100th Post!

100 posts! Ya'll like the look? It seems a little happier, brighter. Definitely easier to read. Wow, 100 posts about the ups and downs of my marriage. I even have people that read about it. That is truly amazing.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Survived the weekend with Sybil. We went camping in Big South Fork. I love going there. Even during a busy Memorial day weekend.

First the good stuff. I bought a cast iron skillet and a cast iron dutch oven just for this trip. Cooking bacon, sausage and eggs on the skillet was easy. I didn't have to worry about tearing up the surface. For the first time I was able to make biscuits for breakfast thanks to the dutch oven. Had a lot of fun trail bike riding to some gorgeous overlooks. Made peach cobbler for desert Sunday night (in the dutch oven, of course) and the kids made S'mores. Although it was hot, we had a great time.

Now the bad stuff (some of which is embarrassing). Friday I took the afternoon off, since the kids were out that afternoon from school. I came home, and Sybil was all over me, physically. She was "ready to go." I'm thinking, "All right!" We move to the bedroom and do our thing. It involved oral (giving and receiving, which I love to give and receive) and was truly mind blowing. Later that day I let slip that I had gone to the bathroom several hours before our activities. Number 2. Now, I try to be as hygienic as anyone else. In the heat of the moment, I forgot to tell Sybil. Anyway, she is pissed that I let her do that knowing what I had done earlier. I apologized profusely and explained that I was too consumed to remember. Not good enough. Apparently I'm not only selfish but my parents weren't married. Fast forward to yesterday. This cast a pall over the whole weekend. Everything that happened was colored by it. We had a blow-up while trying to pack up and motivate our kids to help. Everything goes back to Friday afternoon. So I'm now back in the wilderness.

Sybil uses all of this bring up an interesting point that I try to push her away. Maybe. More on that as I grapple with that. She may have a point there. I do tend to be guarded. I am not one to let anyone come too close.

Anyway, that's it. I hope ya'll had a great weekend.

Don't Try to Adjust Your Set. We Control the Horizontal and the Vertial.

Ahhh, Saturday morning. At work. Missing Son#2's baseball game. This sucks. At least the sun is out and drying off the world from the interesting thunderstorms we had.

Things are looking up for Sybil and me. This whole month we haven't had any major arguements. Her period started yesterday, yet she has not lived up to her name. Oh sure, we had some minor things, but none like we've had in the past. Overall, this has been a decent month.

So now I'm living in fear. When is that shoe gonna drop? When will Sybil's face peal back and reveal the monster lurking under the surface? Is this what happens to people in abusive relationships? I would not have thought of myself to be in that class, but these thoughts have been in the back of my mind. I find myself sitting here wondering WTF?

What is going on? She hasn't changed her BCPs. I think it might have to do with the fact that we haven't seen much of each other this month. Too busy. My little, cute (to me) mannerisms that irritate the crap out of her...aren't. What's the deal? We've even been having fairly regular, decent sex. Is this the invasion of the pod people? Who took my wife? What's that up ahead? A sign post.

I should just enjoy the ride. Like everything else in life, it won't last.

Nothing much to say

I actually have time to blog but have little to say.

I haven't seen much of Sybil today. She made this Thursday her spa day, since I now work every 2nd and fourth Thursday. She doesn't want me to ruin it because of what happened last time. That was six weeks ago. That's Sybil: memory like an elephant.

It's just as well. She would probably figure out a way to keep me from going home. Since Sunday, I've been home before 9:00pm once. Sybil has managed to schedule enough stuff to keep us on the go. This way she has an excuse to have no food, the house to be trashed, and not have to cook. What were we doing? Mainly she (that means we) was preparing for a church program. Now, I try to lead a Christian life. I do come up short in many aspects (usually temptations of the flesh but that's a post of a different day). Being at work all day and then helping setup for a program until late is tiring. Yeah, I'm a little snarky. It's like "let's see how much stuff we can cram into a day." Even the kids are worn out. Sybil must understand that it will get done.

That's life with a perfectionist. Sybil believes that whoever does it will not do a good enough job. A perfectionist is an unhappy person becuase they aren't good enough. They will put a tremendous amount of pressure on themselves. In doing so, they will put a tremendous amount of pressure upon those closest to them. A perfectionist never realizes in the end, that we are all "shadows and dust." Now, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try, but what is more important? How well a crab costume looks or spending quiet, quality time with the family?

Anyway, that's all I had to say. More than I expected.

Tagged

Daddy's Lil Girl tagged me to list some weird/noteworthy things about myself. This is hard because I'm pretty boring. I know, I know with all of the drama in my life, one might think I'm more exciting. Truth be told I'm not. Anyway, without further ado here it goes:

Let's do noteworthy first.

1. I have a doctorate.
2. I own my own business.
3. Some might call me financially successful.
4. I'm blessed with the ability to talk to anyone about anything.
   
5. Everybody likes me, especially upon first impression.

Now for the weird.

1. I have a hard time making and keeping friends.
2. The one area I am anal is my clothes. I refuse to wear even slightly wrinkled or clothes with a small spot to my office.
3. I have lived my whole life in the South (rural at that), yet somehow I have lost my accent.
4. I'm never, ever cold.
   
5. I have a hard time maintaining mental focus during conversations.

There you go. Not much of a list. Now, I must tag some people. So Shining Star, Whoami929, and Anteros tag you're it!

Counting the Cost

Well friends and neighbors, Sybil and I seem to be going downhill fast. Thursday saw another fight. It seemed to be building from the previous ones this week. The same stuff rehashed. A new twist was introduced: I am not engaged in our conversations. Funny thing though, I was able to recount three times as many conversation subjects that took place the night before than Sybil. Who's engaged? I believe it has come down to her finding things to fight about. Minor irritations that occur when two people live together take on a larger than life roll.

These mole-hill sized mountains are nothing new. We have been dealing with this throughout our marriage. However, I am so tired of fending off this person, who is my wife. Broaching the subject with Sybil does little good. Being the Type A person she is, Sybil feels that confronting all of the little things that happen will mean the big things are taken care of. Being the Type B person that I am, I say that leaves everyone raw and too emotionally spent to care about them.

This Thursday may have been a turning point for me. I quite nearly walked. After spending all morning trying to show love and appreciation to her, Sybil decides to criticize everything from my driving to how I carry on my conversations. If I have less to say than she expects, I don't care about her. I am so tired of being the villain. My self-esteem has started to be affected.

In an earlier post I mentioned that Sybil has a "slash and burn style" of arguing. I do not. I want to come to a consensus. She wants only to pummel me into the ground and win at any cost. If things progress, Sybil may win the battles but lose the war, ultimately.

Why didn't I leave? The cost, right now, is too great. The potential damage done to my kids, financial ruin, etc. is too much to bear. For now. As things continue, that might change. I want to love Sybil. How can I? How can I love someone who is critical of everything I say and do?

We're on the Road to Nowhere

Another "discussion" lasting into the wee hours of the morning. What the hell? Sybil doesn't have to get up and do anything before noon. Basically, the same argument warmed up and served on a platter of resentment.

I won't go the gory details. Except to say that Sybil and I didn't start our "conversation" until about 11:30pm. She had just gotten home from bonko. We were talking about Son#1's baseball game (which she missed). During the course of my conversation, I was realizing the need to teach Son#1 some things about baseball, since his coaches, apparently, weren't. Sybil start with statements like "you should have been doing that all along," and "you should have not relied on the coaches to teach him," and my favorite: "you know that just because he goes to school doesn't mean that you don't need to teach him anything." Sensing another lecture coming on and knowing the time of the night and the fact I have to get up early, I said "yeah, yeah, yeah." Sybil becomes pissed. My rudeness in cutting her off in mid-point sends her over the edge. My rudeness in assuming that she is lecturing me, when she is really just enforcing my points. My rudeness in not listening to her.

I admit it. I was rude. I was tired, and I didn't want to hear it. I cut her off. I apologized for cutting her off. I explained that I was sensing another lecture on my failings. I told her that I was tired and under normal circumstances I would not have made that comment and would have been more patient. Excuses, excuses. Sybil believes my fatigue is just another excuse to absolve me of any responsibility. No. Not true. Like anyone averaging less than six hours of sleep a night, I am a little less patient. Excuses, excuses.

Naturally, the "whatever" (see last post) comment from two nights prior was thrown into the mix and given a good stir. This proves a pattern of my rudeness.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

My Journey of Self-Improvement

Well, I barely survived this weekend. Naturally, Sybil and I had two big arguments. As she sees it, they were all my fault. I see her points on both, but I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that they are this big of a deal.

Argument #1 was on Saturday afternoon. For reasons I won't go into, I had very little sleep the night before. Naturally, we had the whole day planned down to the microsecond. Long story short, Sybil suggested we start cleaning the house for the cleaning lady (don't get me started) instead of waiting for the last minute. I agreed that I didn't want to wait until the last minute but suggested to wait until Sunday (she comes on Tuesday), because we usually have less things going on. She became angry saying that I took what she said and "flushed it down the toilet." I countered by saying I merely contradicted what she said. I agreed about the last minute thing but not about the need to do it in the hour and a half "down time" we had before the next event. Naturally, she countered with the need to work on things with the time we have rather than procrastinate. Sunday rolls around, and we don't have time to work on the house because of church activities that had to be done right then (according to Sybil). The house cleaning was started by me in the hour I had between activities on Sunday. We still have a long way to go. On an aside, a cleaning person sounds great in theory but in practice seems to be creating more marital strife.

Argument #2 started last night. We finally get home around 8:30pm. Sybil and I had nothing to eat for dinner. Since she is taking some high dose antibiotics for a skin infection from a bug bite, she must eat every time she takes the medicine. There was some left over fried rice that I was hoping we could share. After getting all my stuff done and coming into the house, I notice that she had eaten all but 2 spoonfuls. I comment that she ate nearly all of it. She states that Son #2 helped. I say "whatever" and proceed to try to find something to eat. Which, by the way, was fruitless because Sybil doesn't grocery shop. My one word seemed to speak volumes to her. She decided I was being uncaring about her condition, I was being rude to her, and basically being a jerk. I explained my irritation of not having anything to eat. I did not mean it as a rude comment. I apologized more than twice. She did not accept it. Sybil felt I was not caring about her situation. I countered that I was the one who talked her into going to the doctor.

Apparently, my journey of self-improvement is going slowly. As I try to improve myself to make Sybil happy, I seem to take one step forward and at least two steps back. Not the way I had envisioned it.

Enjoying the Ride

Sybil has reverted back to her normal, loving, patient self. The week after her period is usually the best week. We actually enjoyed two days of great, wild, monkey sex. Unfortunately, she has some kind of dermatitis on her leg. The doc put her on high dose antibiotics, so much for the fun. The fear of antibiotics interfering with her BCPs put a damper on things.

As I walk through life, I learn that I cannot expect Sybil to change herself. Some (all?) is beyond her control. I'm convinced that her monthly cycle plays havoc with her moods and personality. Men really don't get it. At least I don't. This woman with the qualities I wrote about above will become some kind of demoness at the flip of a switch. Anyway, like I said, I can't change or control her. It is incumbent on me to be the best husband I can be. I must take responsibility for my faults, and there are many.

I must become more attentive. I must become a better listener. I must be more patient. When Sybil is again in the middle of her other self, I must not allow myself to be pulled into situations. It may be a Herculean task, but I must strive for it.

Although I will never be a perfect husband, that cannot be an excuse. If Sybil will not see how different she can act (I have discussed it during calm days) and understand the strain it puts on our marriage, I cannot change that.

Hang on tight! It's going to be a bumpy ride!

What is Wrong with Me?

I seem to have it all: a wife who loves me, very attractive, enjoys sex, etc. Although I complain about her, I do love her. Her nickname, Sybil, isn't too flattering, but I'm convinced it isn't her fault. Hormonal changes are hell. Now that the storm has passed (again), she is back to usual self. The woman I fell in love with.

However, I find myself waiting more. I find myself fantasizing about sexual practices Sybil will not participate in. I find myself checking out other women, although they are not as physically attractive as Sybil. Mentally undressing them. Am I never to be satisfied with what I have? I admit it is purely a physical thing. What does that say about me? Am I a shallow, empty vessel? Am I perverted? To confront Sybil with these thoughts would signal the beginning of Armageddon. I am not prepared for the end of the world. Yet, how do I turn these thoughts off? It has to be more than straight horniness, because I can have sex on a fairly routine basis. Have I become focused too much on sex? I seem to think on it often. Am I just bored?

As disturbing as these thoughts are, I will not act upon them. I love Sybil and my family too much to destroy it. The pain and suffering brought on by an action based on these thoughts is enough to keep me from doing anything stupid. At least I hope that's enough.

Digging up the Past

Well, last night was spent examining my past sex life prior to being married to Sybil. There's nothing like being under a microscope and/or being dissected for something that happened over 13 years ago. Like a lot of young people, I was a bit of a hedonist. However, I still had my morals and values. At least compared to many people I was around. Since Sybil had only 2 sex partners prior to me (although apparently they screwed like rabbits), she doesn't understand how I could be so shallow. This is especially in regards to my view on oral versus vaginal sex. As I stated before, I had the notion that oral sex (or any other contact other than vaginal) was, to me, less intimate than vaginal. The risks of pregnancy alone meant that vaginal sex was to be done only in a committed relationship. I can count on one hand the number of women I had vaginal intercourse with prior to marrying Sybil. However, she lumps all sex to the same level of intimacy. Let' s be clear: I was not some slut running around bagging every babe I could. For the most part, I could usually be found in a committed relationship. So last night I endured a two hour long interrogation into my past sexual proclivities. Fun stuff!

It started with her hearing from one of her girlfriends about some happenings at the local middle school. Apparently, some of the kids play a game called "rainbow." The idea is to get as many different shades of lipstick on a guys penis from as many girls as possible. She also learned about "tossed salad." The whole thing was both fascinating and repulsive to her. Sybil has a hard time understanding how people can be so blase about oral sex. These kids were going so far as to have anal sex to maintain virginity.

This led to the deep discussion of my rough and rowdy past. However, the biggest thing was the fact I couldn't remember the first time I had sex with my girlfriends (there were four of them). I told her that it was a long time ago for me, and I had closed that chapter of my life. I had chosen not to remember those days. She couldn't believe I had forgotten that. Next thing I know, she says, "If we ever got divorced, you'll probably forget ours too." Now, I haven't forgotten our first time. I even described it to her. Of course, I couldn't help thinking, "If we get divorced, I'm going to try to forget as much as I can." I doubt me saying that would have helped my cause.

Never a dull moment with Sybil.

Resentment and Letting Go

Had another one with Sybil last night. Basically, the thing was set into motion by my reaction. She had called to ask me to do something. I told I had already done it. She said, "Oh really, how did you do it?" Now, my little brain heard "Oh really, I bet you screwed it up." Sybil says she was not trying to pick a fight, belittle me, or anything. I told her that what I really wanted to hear was "Oh really, I was hoping you would do that" or something along those lines. She became extremely annoyed with me because I would not give the great detail she desired. She felt I was being defensive and had my shields up. Upon reflection, I guess I did.

In the past, I have had to endure criticism for everything I've done from Sybil. From the way I speak to people in public to the way I fold clothes. Forgive me, if I'm a little defensive. The sad part is I did this small, little task in love and hoping for acknowledgement. In that area, I failed. How does one let go of resentment? How does one change how one reacts to another person? How does one retool their thinking and behavior? How does one let go of the past?

I have not been the nicest person of late. My fuse has become exceedingly short. I do not like that about myself. Yet, I seem unable to change my reactions. As I ponder the causes, I can come up with a list of potential issues. However, I have to take responsibility for it. Living with someone with a short fuse is no piece of cake. I have first hand knowledge of it. Sybil's fuse has always been short. She has improved, but I've been to wrapped up in my petty resentment to see it. Now I must get better.

Sybil will always be a critic. I cannot change that. However, I must not allow someone else to dictate my behavior. That is the trick. The closer someone is, the more influence they have.

I'm Back!

Survived these few days off. Sybil and I only had a couple of minor blow-ups. As always, it boiled down to me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I won't bore with details. Except, I was in the wrong. I apologized; she accepted; and we moved on. She didn't feel the need to deliver an hour long lecture on what I "should" and "need" do to better myself.

Also, I had a birthday during my time off. I'm old enough to know better, yet young enough to do it. It was low key. Son #1 had baseball practice.

We didn't really do much this time off. Of course, I didn't get to do enough of my "selfish pursuits." It's not my fault Sybil doesn't want to join in. I'm supposed to sit back and act happy about spending an hour and a half looking at athletic shoes with her. Unfortunately, she'll never use them as they were intended. If I brought this up, I'm sure I would have another lecture on what I "should" and "need" do.

On a happy note, Sybil and I had some pretty decent sex. That seems to be the one area where we don't have too many blow-ups. Except for oral sex: she is too self-conscious and doesn't want me to start expecting it. I did get a BJ on my birthday. I guess it'll be next year before the next one. I think it is a control issue for her.

Speaking of sex, Sybil and I got onto the topic of whether I prefer oral sex or vaginal sex. I stated oral. From a purely physical sensation, oral sex is much better (especially if she swallows...another post on another day). If that makes me perverted, sue me. I explained that the mouth is much more versatile than a vagina. The sensations are much more mind-blowing than vaginal. Personally, my favorite position is 69 with the woman on top. I let her know that, and I wanted to try it again. She said we had, and she didn't like it. Of course, that was about 10 years ago. However, I do think vaginal intercourse produces an emotional connection that is stronger than oral. When I was dating, I wouldn't have vaginal intercourse with a woman unless we were pretty serious. I'm not sure why this comes as a surprise to her. I've been very consistent in this view. I guess it's her "hang-up." We all have them.

I hope everyone has a great Easter holiday. See ya!

My 100 Things About Me

Well, I'm going to take a break from Sybil bashing and post my 100 things about me. Things are going pretty good between us right now. I am working on communicating and confronting my issues with her. She is working on patience and understanding. Anyway, I wanted to get this in before our next blow-up. Without further ado:

1. I am extremely likeable in person.
2. I can talk to anyone about anything.
3. I can be a great BSer, in terms of number 2.
4. Although I am sociable, I like my solitude.
5. I love the world, but I don't always like the people in it.
6. My kids are my foundation.
7. Sybil and I "had" to get married because she became pregnant after dating about 6 months.
8. Although we've had our ups and downs, I'd say we've done very well considering number 7.
9. All of my children were "surprises."
10. I love being outside.
11. My job keeps me inside.
12. I am highly educated.
13. Sometimes I'm not too bright.
14. I have a pilot's license and an instrument rating.
15. With a wife and 3 kids, I don't get to fly much.
16. I wish I had listened to my father and joined the Army.
17. I wanted to be in tanks and blow things up.
18. I have a tattoo.
19. It is my fraternity letters with crossed swords.
20. I did it before tattoos were "cool."
21. I worry about my past sins being visited upon my children (what goes around comes around).
22. This might be way too introspective.
23. My mother was a nut job until I moved out of the house.
24. I don't see the correlation.
25. I have communication issues.
26. I fear rejection.
27. I have self-esteem problems.
28. Numbers 25, 26, and 27 make it hard to open up with Sybil.
29. Don't laugh; you'll just encourage me.
30. I love baseball much more now that my sons play it.
31. I've always loved football ( both playing and watching).
32. I kind of hope my sons don't play it.
33. I have the habit of saying exactly the wrong thing.
34. I love to make people laugh.
35. I used to be laid back.
36. I don't know what changed me.
37. I'm trying to get back there.
38. I learned in college that love doesn't conquer all.
39. Indians can be racist.
40. I used to love to drink.
41. Not so much anymore.
42. I love a good cigar.
43. The public schools made sure to turn my children against my cigars.
44. I never smoked in the house.
45. I used to think of myself as perverted.
46. Thanks to some blogs I've read (not on my roll BTW, LOL!), I no longer do.
47. I believe pornography destroys.
48. Man, as I get older I get much more conservative.
49. I loath both political parties.
50. I voted Libertarian in 2004.
51. I'll probably do it again in 2008.
52. I think the government is evil.
53. I'm over half done.
54. I'm fairly easy to please.
55. I don't have high expectations.
56. I work too much.
57. I'm too much in debt not to.
58. I fear poverty.
59. I grew up poor (lower middle class).
60. My mother and father smoked like chimneys, yet mom couldn't afford a winter coat.
61. People have their priorities out of whack.
62. After New Year's Eve I can only drink beer.
63. Since getting out of college and earning an income, I can no longer drink cheap beer.
64. Sybil is Chinese.
65. Sometimes that creates friction because of different cultures, although she came to the US when she was six (legally, I might add).
66. My kids are better athletes than I was.
67. I'm wrapped around my daughter's finger.
68. I'm not sure I'll get to 100.
69. I don't have any regrets.
70. I think people get divorced too soon.
71. My family has communication issues.
72. I don't get enough exercise.
73. I wish I only needed five hours of sleep.
74. I love Spring.
75. My birthday is in the Spring.
76. I tend to be cynical. That's why I have low expectations of people.
77. I blog; therefore, I am.
78. I'm always surprised someone comments on one of my posts.
79. Sometimes I think this blog is too negative.
80. I am a closet optimist.
81. I wanted to be a marine biologist.
82. I sunburn too easily.
83. The only positive comment from my mother-in-law is that I have nice ears.
84. I'll take what I can get.
85. The good thing about my parents-in-law is that I can't understand most of what they say.
86. I dream of backpacking the AT.
87. With three kids, a lot of debt and a wife, it'll never happen.
88. Ironically, I'm a man of leisure.
89. Although it's near the bottom, I do love my wife.
90. Sometimes I wish she'd go away.
91. She can be a nag.
92. As I get older, I can't lay in the bed for very long.
93. That sucks.
94. One good thing about blogging is the catharsis.
95. It keeps me from getting much work done.
96. I need to take more time off.
97. I've never been to Disney World.
98. I received my first blow job whilst my family was gone to Disney World. I was 16.
99. I've loved them ever since.
100. Finally, my last one.

There ya go. Have a good weekend. I'm on vacation next week (finally). I don't know how much I'll be blogging.

Do Opposites Attract, and Is It a Good Thing?

How do we actually get to know our spouse? It is very hard during the dating time, because there is a lot emotion tied in with it. Also, we think these differences are cute and interesting. We fall into the trap of thinking we'll somehow change their mind (or them). We delude ourselves into thinking that the issue won't become a big deal. I'm here to tell you that after years of being together, they can become a real pain the arse.

Sybil and I have many differences. Naturally, we have some likenesses. Unfortunately, these likenesses are of a big picture, general sense. I can sum up Sybil's and my differences thusly: she lacks a sense of adventure. Examples:

1. I really enjoy backpacking. I could go every chance I get. There a "zenful" feeling of hiking 8 to 10 miles and then sleeping in a tent. Sybil has never and will never do that. I'm left going by myself. She feels it is too much work and effort for very little reward. Of course having never done it, how does she know?
2. I really enjoy roller coasters. We have a rather large amusement park nearby. They have two roller coasters and several other rides. Unless we go with some friends of ours, I usually have to ride them by myself. Luckily, Daughter also enjoys riding them, so that helps. Sybil has only ridden one twice, and it was like pulling teeth.
   
3. I enjoy flying. I've had my pilot's license for about 4 years now. I dream of loading Sybil and me up and taking off for some place fun. She always uses the kids as excuse. What will do about them (the planes I fly only carry 4 people not the 5 needed)? Of course, we could work around that, but she sees no point. It's a big hassle to her.
4. I would like to take the family to the beach. She sees it as too much effort. She sees it as too expensive. However, she will entertain the notion of spending over $2000 on a new couch for the basement, which is nothing but a playroom for the kids and their friends.
5. I enjoy sexual experimentation. I'm not talking about 3somes or barnyard animals or anything like that. I'd settle for oral sex or anything other than the missionary position she enjoys. I have to come up with anything new. I have to put the effort into it. Although she would let me have sex with her every day, willingly, I want more than that. I want her to take the initiative. I want her to open her mind up.
   

Now, before anyone says I need to tell her. I have. Many times. She will justify herself one way or another and refuses to listen. Sybil will barely entertain anything that upsets the status quo. She will not accept that side of me and want to share in it. She just writes me off as being crazy or weird. No matter how many times I talk to her about how I feel, Sybil will use any excuse to stop herself from doing it. It's like she has no zest or zeal for life.

Opposites may attract, but I'm not sure it is a good thing. Being in a relationship with someone completely different is normal. I wouldn't want to be married to someone just like me. However, there must be that common thread. That bond. That wanting to share in all of the experiences of being with the person one loves. Sybil has no desire to share in any of that with me.

Breakthrough

Well, Wednesday afternoon we finally kissed and made up. I opened up my inner problems of feeling stressed all of the time. The stress was/is making me have anger issues. Little things that Sybil does would irritate the crap out of me until I would make a snarky comment. Sybil was/is worried that I am shutting her out. Truth be told, I kind of was. Ironically, it is far easier to open up on a public forum than to the woman I love. Kind of sad in a way. She is also worried that I won't put her first or communicate with her about things. These things aren't even part of our emotional life but even mundane things (to me). Again, there is a lot truth to that. I have a definite problem with communication. Sybil says I treat her on a "need to know basis." I would say that I simply forget to tell her. However, perception is reality. I have things to work on.

Sybil has started to understand that she, also, has some responsibility for how things are. I have made it plain to her that she cannot talk down to me. Period. She seemed to have no clue that she did this. Again, my not communicating my frustrations and irritations to her doesn't help.

Despite our progress, I cannot help but wonder how much is hormonal. I doubt me bringing up this concern will be helpful. Sybil will say I'm shirking responsibility for my behavior. It is ironic that the calmness we are enjoying comes a day or two after her period is over.

Thank you for all of your comments and concern. The kind of strangers.

I Assume Too Much

Don't ever assume because that makes an ASS out of U and ME. Apparently, things are not all right. Sybil told me today that she is not over all the events that have occurred. She asked me if I had not noticed that she was less "touchy-feely"? To tell the truth, no. I've hardly been alone with Sybil, since last week. Let's run down the last few day's events:

• Friday - We had sleepovers, so instead of 3 kids, we had 3 extra kids.
  
• Saturday - We had 6 kids to deal with all morning.
• Saturday afternoon - I took Son#2 to his all afternoon baseball tournament. Got home around 9:00 pm and very tired. She took our other 2 kids plus the 2 others to the nearby city (around 40 minutes away) for shopping and to get out of the house. They got home around 10:30. We all went to bed.
• Sunday - I got everyone up and moving that morning. Sybil took the 2 extra kids plus our older 2 to church. I took Son#2 to finish his baseball tournament. Afterwards, I took him to grab a bite to eat and then to my office. I spent the next 3 hours shampooing the carpets. She took Son#1 to his youth activities, and I took the younger 2 back home. I came down with a massive cold that night and had no sleep.
• Monday - After work I ran a couple of errands (one for Sybil and one for me), went home, and went bed by 7:30 pm (no sleep the night before). She took Son #2 to another baseball game and didn't get home until around 10:00 pm.

Until today, I had been planning a trip to the beach during the kids' Spring Break. No one else in the family has ever been to the beach, so I figure it'll be fun besides we've never really been on a real vacation. Being the blissfully ignorant fool that I am, I think things are going along pretty good. Sybil informs me that she doesn't want to go on a vacation with me, especially given how I've treated her over the past. "Do you really think a vacation will smooth things over with her?" she asks. I tell her that I had no intention of using a vacation to butter her up but for the reasons given above. She tells me that she doesn't want to go with me and didn't I know from the way she has been acting towards me? I tell her that I've barely seen her, so no I didn't know.

When does it end? Sybil has already had her pound of flesh, right? To her I treat her badly and she treats me so well. Ultimately, it is my fault. I have not been demanding enough of her and have let her take me for granted.

Sybil, is that you?

Well, we survived the weekend with our marriage intact. I had my doubts, but here we are. Wife back to her normal self. She is happy and relatively easy going. I'm left asking WTF? She continues the pattern of approximately 5 to 7 days before her period of becoming a bitch from hell.

So, from now on her name is Sybil.

Developing...

Smackdown

Had it out with Wife last night. Nothing was really resolved. I'm still the reason our marriage is in the crapper. It seems I don't care enough. Why does she have this feeling? It has to with last week's comment. I showed her no respect in front of her friends at the spa. To top it all off, I did not keep bringing it up after Friday. She has declared our marriage dead. Wife will love me enough to go through the motions but not love me with her whole heart, whatever that means. But, the icing on the cake was my lack of caring about it enough to bring up the situation (again) after Thursday's and Friday's discussions. She said she basically wants a divorce (or will "love me just enough").

If Wife has a problem with me, shouldn't she be the one to bring it up? All of this over a comment. I asked her, if there was a chance of regaining her love. She answered with a cryptic, "What do you think?" She thanked me for teaching her to put her guard up and that was it. I can understand her frustration, but when does it end?

Developing...

Nothin' New

Not much different going on here. Wife and I are keeping things superficial. I really hate confrontation, but I know I will have to take initiative. The thing that happened last Thursday is still reverberating today. I'm not sure I can get over it.

1. How does one get over being called rude and inconsiderate at nearly every turn?
2. How does one get over being berated over a stupid comment over and over?
3. How does one get over the anger and blow-ups?
4. How does deal with the stress of work and the greater stress of living with someone like Wife?

I know Wife feels the same way in many ways. She blames me for all that is wrong in the marriage, not that I'm ducking responsibility.

I grew up living with a woman that threw tantrums on a fairly regular basis. Am I doomed to live with someone like that?

Happy Anniversary/St. Patty's Day

Today is my parent's 40th Anniversary. Pretty amazing stuff, when viewed in light of the high divorce rate that started in their generation. As I reflect on their marriage, I ask myself: how does a couple stay married for that long without one killing the other and trying to hide the body?

As chronicled here in this blog, my marriage has its definite ups and downs. Last night we had another fight until about 2:00am, so if my post makes no sense, please forgive me. What did we fight about? A very small comment made by me during a moment of frustration. It was snarky, but did it warrant an argument lasting until the wee hours? No. Wife was trying to find out how she can get her full spa day and get to Son #1's teacher meeting at the same time with me saying there is no way she can do it, she just needs to cancel it, and finally saying, "I didn't get to do what I wanted to, either" (that was the comment I made). It was out of frustration because she was did not want to inconvenience the spa staff (by leaving a hole in their schedule at the last minute), thought these meetings never start on time (we were a minute late and the teacher called her on her cell phone to check on us), and thought I could handle it (yes, but I doubt to her specifications). That was our fight.

This morning as I sit and think about my parents. I look back at the fights they had. I realize it is normal to some degree, but at what point does one say screw it and leave? Is there ever a reason for divorce? My faith tells me of only one: adultery. However, this morning as I'm dropping the kids off as she sleeps, I can only think of three reasons: my kids. As much as it pains me to say it, I am tired of being berated for comments made "in the heat of battle." I can understand her stating her irritation, which would be met with my heart-felt apology. However, I do not think I take much more of this.

It seems to me, dear readers, that the best way to screw up a relationship is to marry and have kids. The stresses of living with someone, raising kids, trying to further a career, etc. may be too much. All of this tends to kill the joys of being together. The lasting scars of these conflicts are becoming too much for me (and I think for her, but she will not bear any responsibility for her part in it and just blames me). I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. I'll never understand how my parents did it.

Straw Poll

In a way I'm blessed with a wife that enjoys sex. Also, Wife is a knockout on the outside. Unfortunately, we're never happy with what we have, are we? The problem is that the sex is rather boring. I make a move on her, she takes her clothes off, and lays on her back, expectantly. She makes a move on me and the same thing happens. Although this is enjoyable after a dry spell, I would like a little more...um...effort. All of the foreplay is done by me. She would rather "get it on." Wife seems not to want/need much of a warm-up. Coupled with some serious hang-ups, and one gets boring sex.

The straw poll:

Would you rather have fantastic sex with an ordinary appearing person, OR would you rather have ordinary sex with a fantastic looking person?

Personally, I'd rather have the fantastic sex, because quantity is no substitute for quality.

Quandary

At first I was going to post about needs and expectations, but something happened this weekend to push that onto the back burner.

We have a church friend (friend 1), who went through a sudden divorce about 6 months ago. Almost immediately after the break-up, she started dating another guy. One thing led to another and now they are supposed to be getting married. Unfortunately, it has come to Wife's attention that the friend's boyfriend/fiance has issues. It has filtered to Wife that he answers the friend's cell phone, will not let her leave his sight, and, I think, physically threatened her. To complicate things further, Wife heard all of this through a mutual friend (friend 2). It is obvious to Wife and me that friend 1 is in an abusive relationship, if the facts hold up.

Friday Wife was alone with our Associate Pastor (AP) and told him the story. He became quite concerned and wanted to speak with Friend 2 to make sure he was getting the facts straight. On Sunday morning, after church, AP and friend 2 have a conversation. This conversation leads him to her that he will be contacting Safe Space and meeting with a representative at friend 1's workplace. The idea being to save her from the guy.

quandary: Wife is racked with guilt because of

1. Betrayed friend 2's confidence.
2. The situation may be nothing more than a misunderstanding.
3. Wife may be spreading rumors.

I have told Wife repeatedly that she did the right thing. If it is all a misunderstanding, then she can ask for forgiveness and all will be well. If not, then she may have saved someone from years of pain. I keep spouting the Edmond Burke quote: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." It may help, but seems to do little to assuage her guilt. I don't know what else to say.

Amazing!

WIND!


which chinese symbol are you?
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Thanks to shining star.

Aftermath

After I posted the last entry, Wife woke up, when I came back to bed. We argued for about another hour or so. She apologized for waking me up and said that she was not trying to be critical but wanted to know what had not been done for the cleaning lady. The "discussion" boiled down to me asking her what she considered my obligations were. Is it fair to expect me to take on the stress of earning enough money to keep up our standard of living and do 50% of the domestic stuff. Her answer was vague. She considered my obligation to do whatever was needed for the family. I kind of thought I was already.

HTN made an interesting comment. Basically, since I work roughly 10 hours a day earning our money, how much time does she spend on domestic chores? Although Wife does work about 3 or 4 hours a day in the office doing bookkeeping, she does not spend another 6 or 7 hours a day doing domestic chores.

A good snapshot of her day starts with her getting out of bed at around 8:30 am. Wife says she is up at 7:30 (when the kids and I leave), but I rarely see that. She has to sip her coffee while she watches her inane morning shows. It takes her a good hour to get ready for the day, although I admit the effect is stunning. So it is now anywhere from 9:30 to 10:30 am. Now, she does not take time here to straighten the house. The same dishes in the sink will be there, when I come home tonight. For the next 5 hours she will either:

a. Come to the office and work on the bookkeeping
b. Go to the church to do whatever volunteer work that needs to be done.
c. Go to the school to do whatever volunteer work that needs to be done.
d. Shop
c. Anything else that will keep her from home.

At the 3:00 pm she picks up the kids and takes them to whatever after school activities they are doing. At 5:30 to 6:00 I help with running the kids around. Except the first Tuesday of the month. Wife does bonko on that night, so I have to run to all of the various activities without her help.

Yet, Wife will get bent out of shape, if I say she does nothing at home. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Now, don't get me wrong: if she were earning the money and I stayed home, then I would be expected to do the majority of the housework. I totally agree that housework is drudgery but so is any other job. Get over it.

I'm a little bitter. I do not think Wife is keeping her end of the bargain. Is it fair to expect me to earn all of the money and do half of the housework? You tell me.

She Won't Get It

After a long, hard day's work, I finally get to go to bed. I've been asleep for about an hour, when the Wife comes in. She makes a lot of noise in preparation for going to bed. See, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow, so we have to make sure the house is clean. Anyway, I am half asleep, but unbeknownst to me, I am getting the third degree. She, in her rapid fire way, asks, "What did you do, when you got home?" "Why didn't you put up the laundry, the dishes,etc." Meanwhile, I am laying there thinking, "What the hell is going on?" I even ask her twice is there a problem?

A little background information to help set the scene is in order. I work about ten hours a day in a rather stressful occupation which is also my own business. Wife is a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). Each day I get myself and our three kids up, ready and dropped off at school. Wife lays in bed. She might be conscious, when I leave (most times not). We have hired a cleaning woman to come every other week to clean the house; my dress clothes (for work) are sent to a laundry (no ironing); she never cooks; and we rarely have any food in the house.

Because of last fight, I went to this website and downloaded this questionnaire. We each filled it out. She basically said that I don't communicate with her and don't listen to her. Fair enough. I'd say that was a pretty fair assessment, and I am working to improve. My answers revealed that she doesn't show me admiration and does not provide for my domestic needs. She took great umbrage to me saying that she doesn't provide for my domestic needs. We argued for a long time about that. Wife could never really see the light.

So now it is very late (or very early depending on one's point of view). I am pissed off. I am unable to go back to sleep, yet Wife is sound asleep. I was rudely awoken out of a sound sleep and grilled about my activities tonight. When asked why she was home so late from a cooking class, Wife answered they stayed around talking about ghosts. When asked why she didn't call to let me know what's up, she answered that she didn't want to seem rude by leaving the conversation. Lame.

A lot of the blogs I read talk about the lack of physical intimacy, and that is important. In a marriage, there are other things that just as important.

Tagged

I've been tagged by shining star and daddy's lil girl for seven songs that I'm into right now.

In no particular order:

1. Wake Me When September Ends - Greenday
2. Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies
3. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
4. Flake - Jack Johnson
5. Carmina Burana: O Fortuna - Boston Symphony
6. Boom, Like That - Mark Knopfler
7. Float On - Modest Mouse

Now for seven people:

I'm not sure I know seven bloggers, so I'll send it out to seven people who stop by.